Loving Late Bloomers - EP50

追加: 2026-05-25

[00:00:14]How's my hair?

[00:00:16]It's beautiful.

[00:00:19]As always.

[00:00:21]Okay.

[00:00:22]Hello, my baby girl. Hello.

[00:00:25]Oh, boy.

[00:00:29]Oh, my.

[00:00:31]Oh, wow.

[00:00:33]That's adorable.

[00:00:35]>> You're adorable.

[00:00:36]>> I love it.

[00:00:38]>> you. Wow, I love you.

[00:00:40]>> I love you.

[00:00:41]>> Oh, that's so precious.

[00:00:43]>> [laughter] >> I love that you surprise me with these things.

[00:00:47]I love surprising you.

[00:00:50]Like when you were doing your hair and then I walked by and I was like And you got so scared >> [laughter] >> when you were in the bathroom. I still got scared. Right now?

[00:01:00]>> Again.

[00:01:01]>> [laughter] >> I'll never get over this. [ __ ] It's so startling.

[00:01:07]>> me a dirty look.

[00:01:08]>> Yeah, she As she should. I'm sorry, [laughter] queen. Yo, she scared the bejesus out of me, literally. Oh my god. When I was in the bathroom Wow. Anyhoo. Just walked by and I was like, "Shit."

[00:01:22]>> [laughter] >> Slap. Yeah. And she knows I hate it when I get startled.

[00:01:27]Why do I have two pens?

[00:01:29]I love these pens. They're my favorite pens.

[00:01:32]I'm a pen [ __ ] Yeah. I love me a good pen. I love me a good glass.

[00:01:37]>> giving [laughter] me a dirty look.

[00:01:40]I'm sorry.

[00:01:42]Let me enjoy this [ __ ] real quick.

[00:01:43]>> Yeah.

[00:01:45]Hello and welcome back to Where Do I Sit Podcast. My name is Sasha. I am one of your hosts along with my beautiful other half and precious wife, Alessia.

[00:01:56]>> Hello.

[00:01:57]We are here today to discuss a late blooming. Loving late bloomers.

[00:02:04]>> beautiful late bloomers. Mhm. God, we have a lot to say about that and a lot to share as well. I'm really, really excited. But first, before we start, please give us a little subscription on YouTube.

[00:02:16]Um Jelly Queen the first here would really, really appreciate it. As you can see, she's very invested.

[00:02:23]And so would we.

[00:02:26]So, follow us on our Instagram and TikTok as well. Where do I sit podcast?

[00:02:30]Show us some love and uh interact with us. We love to hear from you. Yes. So, today we're late blooming, all of us together.

[00:02:38]>> Mhm. As a family. Mhm. And we are here to discuss the matters of coming out late in life.

[00:02:45]Yes.

[00:02:47]So, baby, what are your thoughts on it?

[00:02:50]Well, um so, what is a late bloomer? Mhm. A late bloomer is someone who comes out or comes to terms with or realizes or becomes more aware of their sexuality at a later age. Or maybe even they knew when they were growing up at a younger age, but they didn't like embrace it or come out until later in life.

[00:03:17]>> Or they didn't have the language for it.

[00:03:19]>> Yeah. A lot of the times people kind of sense that there's something going on with their orientation, attraction, you know, that's a little bit unconventional with how society pushes us all to be. Yeah.

[00:03:35]>> And uh but they don't know or how to do it, they don't have the language for it, or maybe they don't have any representation. Mhm. So, >> Yeah, there's so many reasons why someone Yeah.

[00:03:49]>> out later in life. Like kind of like you said like representation like when we were growing up there really wasn't any at all. Like, I didn't have any gay friends in school. I didn't see anything gay on TV.

[00:04:06]So, even though I didn't come out late I came out in my early to mid-20s.

[00:04:13]But, I knew there was something up in high school, but then I didn't know what it was and it was only like when I started coming out in in college, started meeting gay people, being like, "Oh, this kind of like fits. This kind of like I relate, like, you know?" And then women who are even older than us who are coming out now were growing up like earlier than us, had even less representation and like nothing to understand, like, nothing.

[00:04:42]>> Yeah. Nothing on TV, nothing being discussed, nothing being educated, nothing.

[00:04:47]Definitely a lot less queer people around them. Just like the the topic of being gay [clears throat] was like not really a thing >> Yeah. that anyone really ever talked about.

[00:04:57]>> insult, you know? It was A lot of the times it was, yes, absolutely.

[00:05:01]I I remember some very shitty representation of lesbian Oh, yeah? like lesbian representation like >> any. Well, like, you know, the typical um TV shows where there's like two girls kissing or like a scene where it's like there's two chicks making out and it's like the talk of the year, the scene of the year that everyone's discussing because it was so rare, you know? And usually it's two good-looking girls and you know, it was very sexualized and it was just not accurate representation often and it wasn't taken seriously. And often it wasn't even representation. It was just two straight girls kissing and so it wasn't actually representation, you know?

[00:05:46]>> No, exactly. So, not the greatest representation in our time and we I don't think we're considered I wouldn't consider us late bloomers at all. I mean No. I don't even remember when I came out. There wasn't There is an episode on coming out where we discuss our coming out stories more thoroughly. So, if you're interested in that, go check out that episode.

[00:06:06]>> 1. It's in one of the earlier seasons.

[00:06:08]Yeah, but like for me it wasn't There wasn't like a bang. Like it wasn't like a It was a bang for me. I guess the first time I slept with a girl I was like, "Okay." Like that really confirmed. So, I guess it was kind of a bang.

[00:06:21]>> a bang, yeah. But like for me it kind of happened in um progression. Like it was like "Okay, I'm straight cuz everybody wants me to be." And then you know, but I'm like super turned on by girls secretly. Shh, don't say anything. Don't you know, just ignore that. Suppress, suppress, suppress.

[00:06:41]And then "Okay, got a little older, understood a little better." And then I was like, "Okay, so I'm bi. Cool, cool, cool." And then I was like, "Okay, so I'm bi, but like more women-leaning." Mhm. And then finally I was like, "You know what? Just cut this [ __ ] Cut this [ __ ] I'm gay as [ __ ] you know?" So, it was a progression. So, I wouldn't say that I had like a a very like straightforward coming out story. But I mean, that's the beauty of it is like all of our trajectories and journeys They're different.

[00:07:17]>> different.

[00:07:19]>> Completely valid. I feel like for late bloomers it's it's tougher for them cuz when you're coming out later in life like you're supposed to have everything figured out. Well, like you should later in life everyone thinks you should have everything figured out especially as as women. Right. And so, I feel like some late bloomers want to be like 100% sure before coming out and it's more and it is like a process for them and they're more mature, older, very self-aware and and want to be 100% sure and it's more of like an unfo- unfolding for them than like uh like a big realization that okay, I'm coming out right now. Like I feel like some of them are married or they have kids or you know, they their job or there's like a lot of things that they're worried about and like weighing the pros and cons of coming out and is it the right time now?

[00:08:13]Do Should I wait till the kids are in college? Should I get a divorce? Should I talk to my hus- Like it just, you know, like there's so many factors when you're coming out later in life that are like extra obstacles that they have to deal with that that might hold them in the straight boat longer than they want or or they're they're like giving being straight their best shot. Yes. You know, they're trying really hard to to try to be straight, you know.

[00:08:43]>> Everything in life points you and tries to push you to live a heterosexual, heteronormative life. Like that's every direction, everywhere you look, that's where where all the arrows are pointing, you know? So, this is kind of why I have zero patience or tolerance for people who are not welcoming towards late bloomers.

[00:09:12]You are so ignorant with your judgment because you don't realize that we all had, like I said earlier, a completely different trajectory in life. We've all grown up in completely different environments.

[00:09:28]There are so many reasons. We've only scratched the surface of why someone would come out late or realize late, >> So, realize late, come out late, all of that. There are so many different reasons. So, I find that a very privileged and judgmental stance, and I think the community needs to do a [ __ ] ton better at accepting women who are just coming to terms with their sexuality at a later age.

[00:09:57]>> Mhm. You don't understand what it was like growing up in their shoes. You don't understand their family dynamic.

[00:10:03]You don't understand the impact that religion can have. You don't understand the impact of living in a small town can have on someone. Everyone matures emotionally at different paces. There's so many different reasons. Not everyone has the privilege of the safety to come out.

[00:10:20]>> that's a big one.

[00:10:21]>> Like, come on. If you felt safe enough and, you know, supported enough to come out, good for you. But, don't you dare [ __ ] judge other women for not coming out at the same time as you because you don't know what their journey was like and what their reasons are. And even if their reasons don't seem valid to you, like, still, just be a good human being and like don't judge.

[00:10:45]You really don't know anything about people. So, I just think that the community really needs to do better. I know it's like, you know, lesbians now are like, we have so much representation today. We have Mhm. and a lot of people don't realize how far we've come to have that representation today. Yeah. You know?

[00:11:07]So, yeah, I think there's really a lot of work to be done still, especially within our community, you know? Other reasons that people could possibly come out later in life is also lack of education. A lot of us were fortunate enough to have education where we understood what sexual orientation means at a young age. You know, we've had the language, the appropriate language to explain it to understand it, and to relate to it. And other people simply haven't had that privilege. So, that's also another very real reason.

[00:11:44]And one thing that I actually just thought about is there's also the sneaky expectations that fall upon women often, where we're often the ones that are expected to care for others, focus on others. And so, a lot of the times that can like sneak up on us in a way where we kind of forget ourselves, and we don't we don't have the time or the knowledge to kind of dig deep within ourselves to even understand ourselves in that way.

[00:12:15]So, a lot of the times like we're expected to show up for others, we're expected to nurture others, to care for others, and all of that. So, yeah, that kind of stomps on your own self-discovery in a way. I feel like especially moms, you know, for sure.

[00:12:29]Having to take care of everyone else, and then it's just much later that they maybe start focusing on themselves.

[00:12:37]>> Yeah. And imagine being a mom, you know, you grew up in a time where there wasn't any representation. You weren't aware.

[00:12:46]Maybe you had a little sense of there was maybe a little attraction towards women, but you just suppressed, suppressed, suppressed. Totally valid.

[00:12:52]And then you kind of married your I don't know, let's let's for example say your high school sweetheart, who was a man, you know, opposite gender. And then, you know, you you grew up, you had kids, and next thing you know, all of a sudden now you have that we have the language for it, we have the representation, and it's all making you, you know, >> question everything.

[00:13:12]>> question everything, and look at your life differently, and then you come to the realization like, oh [ __ ] Mhm. I am not what I thought I was. Like I think I'm actually gay. I think I'm actually into women. And you can like have absolutely loved your high school sweetheart and like Yeah.

[00:13:32]feel like that was real love and absolutely maybe it was and there's just maybe like a piece of the puzzle puzzle that was always missing that you only realize later that like oh [ __ ] there's more to love.

[00:13:50]Mhm. Or like there's more feelings and attractions when you're kind of looking at women now. Yeah. And there's like that they're like you're you're realizing oh [ __ ] there's like a missing piece of the puzzle to like all of what like love is. Now I'm understanding more maybe, you know.

[00:14:08]Perhaps you thought you were straight, but then you unlocked a new piece of yourself or a new part of yourself that came out of you like a [ __ ] force like a wrecking ball and then you're like oh [ __ ] like I'm actually you know, bisexual or pansexual or whatever. Like I'm lesbian because all of a sudden that attraction towards women is way stronger than that heterosexual attraction that you had, you know? Like it's just Uh, there's so many reasons. There's it can take on so many different shapes and forms. Like it's it's really crazy. It's absolutely lunatic to judge someone for coming out late. Like it's such a complex process for some people. It's really not a straight line, you know?

[00:14:52]Yeah. So when some women were submitting their stories and also just over the years talking to late bloomers Mhm. Um, some of the feelings that they've felt after, you know, blooming late and coming out late uh, a lot of them felt obviously a sense of huge relief. Oh, yeah. Of like this weight that they were carrying around or like cuz some of them, you know, they hold on to it for a while. Like they know, but they can't come out yet cuz it's not safe yet or it's not the right time, or this and that. So, when they finally do, it's like, "Yo!"

[00:15:26]Like, it's like a whole new world.

[00:15:29]>> Yeah, like >> [laughter] >> finally, you know, and they can they can be their true selves. They they feel relieved, they feel weight off their shoulders, they >> only imagine the relief.

[00:15:39]>> sleep better, less anxiety, less clenched, you know.

[00:15:43]And then also some of them felt like um a little bit of grief. Oh, yeah.

[00:15:49]>> Of missing out of like this the feeling of missing out on so much when like had they realized that they when they were younger what they could have done, you know, a little bit of grief for like what could have been. Mhm. And a part of grief also is is anger.

[00:16:05]Yeah. Like, being angry against the systems that made you feel unsafe to come out. Your family, religion. Like, that's also very real. Yeah. It's also a real thing to grieve who the person that you used to be or that you thought you were Yeah, you're allowed to mourn what you your younger self. You're allowed to mourn what you what you didn't get to experience. It's completely valid, you know, or who you who you didn't get to be at a younger age. You're you're absolutely allowed to like be sad about that.

[00:16:37]And I think it's part of the process, yeah.

[00:16:39]>> Yeah.

[00:16:41]And you came out when you were supposed to, you know. Nothing was wrong with you for not knowing sooner.

[00:16:47]Absolutely. Yeah.

[00:16:48]Yeah, there's no right age to come out.

[00:16:51]Yeah, there really isn't. If you are fortunate enough to come out super super early, then just be grateful that you felt safe enough to do so and that you had the support of the people around you and that um a lot of people did not have and still do not have that privilege.

[00:17:07]So, be very grateful and give others some grace, you know, um for not having the the journey as you or maybe not the same support that you have.

[00:17:18]>> This is why representation is so [ __ ] crucial and so [ __ ] important in every domain and every industry, okay?

[00:17:26]So many people wrote to us being like, "Holy [ __ ] [ __ ] You made me realize that I'm gay. You literally are the reason why I came out."

[00:17:39]It's something like that is life-changing for someone. It's monumental.

[00:17:46]Like to come to terms with your own identity, like that's huge and let alone to help someone come to terms with their own identity simply for being open and proud of who you are and embracing that openly and publicly, giving the courage to other people to do the same or to realize the same is incredible. Like that's that's a beautiful thing. And also a lot of people, my god, one of the reasons why we wanted to do this episode too is like what So many people have been telling us like, "I live in a really religious house and I really want to come out. I don't know how to do it. I I I think I'm gay, but I'm not sure, you know?" So, man, like it just goes to show like how wide the spectrum is for people to come out, you know? Like, "Oh, I live in a small town.

[00:18:41]I don't know anyone that's gay.

[00:18:44]I have no one to look to.

[00:18:48]No one to talk to. Um Super small town often comes hand in hand with super religious town, very small communities, everybody knows everybody, you know? Like these are all the things that I think a lot of people take for for granted when they judge other people, you know? What other feelings do you think happen cuz I think we didn't discuss one main one >> Yeah, after they come out. There's a couple more that that pop into my head.

[00:19:14]But the funnest one is euphoria and intensity. [ __ ] yeah. Like an intense euphoric feeling coming out as a late bloomer, but I think also coming out at any age cuz I felt that, too. Mhm. Like I felt like I was unstoppable when I figured out I like women. I was like I I literally felt invincible and I went on like dating rampages and I was like new me new new queer new me. Like I was going nuts. Like I like changing my style, changing this, like changing my music, just like I love this, I like that, I love I'm going out like every night, I'm going I'm going out alone, you know, for a drink somewhere just like make friends or I'm going on like every app, like yo, like what's up? I'm doing everything. I'm going everywhere.

[00:19:59]I'm seeing everything I can. It's like you're seeing things for like the first time even though you've seen them before, but you're like seeing them in a new light.

[00:20:06]Yeah.

[00:20:06]>> Um so just like crazy feelings of like euphoria. Yeah.

[00:20:12]It is truly like life-changing when you come out.

[00:20:14]>> Yeah. You see things >> the world in a different way. Totally.

[00:20:18]And you see yourself in a different way, too. All of a sudden you see your future differently, too. And all these new possibilities come up, you know, and You crush harder. Yeah. Yo, like your first girl crush like of a real girl in front of you.

[00:20:33]>> our first girl crush, right?

[00:20:34]>> insane.

[00:20:35]>> [laughter] >> Yo. For sure.

[00:20:37]>> the end of the world, you know, that you're so into it. It's crazy.

[00:20:41]>> 100%. Yeah. I remember when I first came out, too. It was Well, sorry. I remember also that euphoric feeling the first time I slept with a girl and got confirmation that this is what I am supposed to feel >> Yes. Yes. when I'm being intimate with someone. I had never felt that way before with with dudes, you know? I was like, this is such mediocre [ __ ] Like is this really what everyone is pushing me to be >> Yeah.

[00:21:10]and telling me like make this is Yeah, once you when you do with the guy you're like this that that's that was it? Yeah?

[00:21:17]And then when you do it with a with a woman you're like, holy [ __ ] Let's go again. Let's go again and again and again and again. You two you you you.

[00:21:27]>> [laughter] >> Just so down.

[00:21:29]>> you're walking down the street and all you see is women. Oh my god, yeah.

[00:21:32]>> The men are then all you >> They just like fade. They blur into the background. It's just all women come like And everyone's hot.

[00:21:38]>> Yeah, yeah. And you want to bang everyone. And you notice every little detail about them, their hair, their nails, their smile, their eyes, their eye color, their eyebrows, their neck, their collarbone, their legs, their you know, their hands. Yeah.

[00:21:53]>> [laughter] >> Of course the hands.

[00:21:54]>> The hands.

[00:21:55]>> Holy [ __ ] >> Yeah. Yeah, it's very exciting. Mhm.

[00:21:58]Here's the thing. I've always kind of wondered, what is late? Like, what when we're coming out as late huh?

[00:22:07]Yeah. Oh, sorry. I thought you said something What is late? Like, what is considered a late bloomer? Is there like a there I mean there isn't there isn't a black and white answer to this, but what do you consider late blooming?

[00:22:20]>> Me, I personally consider it to be past 30.

[00:22:27]Past 30 years old. And why?

[00:22:29]>> 100 past 40 100% late bloomer. Like very very very late like valid late bloomer.

[00:22:38]But I also think past 30 because I think past at 30 women are kind of they've got their life in order, they've got their career chosen, they've might you know, everyone thinks that you're supposed to have figure have everything figured out by the age of 30. It's okay if you haven't though. It's okay if you haven't. But I just feel like after 30 like before 30 you should have experienced a lot of things in life, and if it hasn't been a woman yet, and you're doing it after 30, yeah, I don't know. I think I I would I would say that's the cusp of late blooming for me is that is 30.

[00:23:14]And then, 40, yes. 50, oh, yeah.

[00:23:18]You know, yeah.

[00:23:19]What about you, babe?

[00:23:21]I don't really know. Like, I would say 30 makes sense, but I think it really depends on your Once again, your journey or trajectory. Like, um we were talking with someone, and they gave they brought up a really wonderful point about late blooming is like for them, it was considered like an age where or whatever age it was that by that age, you've made major life decisions in your life, like having kids or getting married or um tackling on like your career or whatever. Like, just big major life decisions. Mhm. So, if if you're at an age where you've made major life decisions, and you're coming out around that time, that's late blooming. Mhm.

[00:24:13]Before then, maybe not.

[00:24:16]So, that was an interesting perspective I found.

[00:24:18]>> Yeah. But, I want to play devil's advocate here and just like bring up some things that like that perspective kind of brought up in my mind is like, what if you married your high school sweetheart, okay? And like at a super young age. Let's say you got married at like [ __ ] 19 or 20. Okay, maybe that's a bit extreme. 21.

[00:24:39]Okay. And by 23, you were pregnant with and, you know, Yeah. you have babies with that person. Mhm. Two years later, you're like, holy [ __ ] I think I'm attracted to girls.

[00:24:52]Okay, ciao, bye.

[00:24:53]Divorce.

[00:24:54]>> Okay. So, you're like I don't know, 25.

[00:24:58]Okay. Is that considered a late bloomer?

[00:25:00]Cuz it's before 30.

[00:25:01]No, I think you're still you're still young.

[00:25:03]>> But then you divorce the guy. Good.

[00:25:06]>> [laughter] >> Okay, but then at like 23, 24, you're like, "I'm married and I'm divorced."

[00:25:13]>> still a baby at 23, 24.

[00:25:16]>> You're a baby with kids. Married, divorced, with kids.

[00:25:20]And you come out, you're still not a late bloomer?

[00:25:24]No.

[00:25:25]Uh personally, no, I don't think so.

[00:25:26]Okay, that's fair.

[00:25:27]>> you've lived some some big life decisions, yes, like you were saying earlier, but >> Yeah.

[00:25:33]um you're still really young, like >> Yeah.

[00:25:36]you were just legal legal drinking age like 2 minutes ago.

[00:25:39]>> [laughter] >> So >> That's fair. That's fair.

[00:25:41]>> I think I don't think you're a late bloomer yet. I think you're still young and you have so so much ahead of you.

[00:25:48]Uh-huh.

[00:25:48]>> Mhm.

[00:25:49]Okay, cool. That's fair. I was just kind of bringing up like an interesting Cuz a lot of people do get married really young and they they you know, they rush through it because it's like, "Oh, that's what I'm supposed to do.

[00:25:58]Let's go." And then oops, I'm gay. Yeah.

[00:26:01]And when we were asking the fans like what age they thought late bloomers were, like a couple of people said mid-20s and I was like, Okay, so let me pull that up right now, actually.

[00:26:12]Do I have it or you have it?

[00:26:14]>> know. Let's find out.

[00:26:15]>> [laughter] >> Because I do I it it was a very interesting range.

[00:26:21]So, but there was a pattern. So, I want to see like I want to like I think you sent it to me here. Yeah? I have something else then.

[00:26:30]Oh my goodness. [laughter] Wow, someone is very uncomfortable, clearly.

[00:26:39]They said that the camera can see you, baby. Oh, wow.

[00:26:44]Come on, life is so hard.

[00:26:47]Yeah.

[00:26:50]What about you, sweetheart? Are gay?

[00:26:54]She's not gay.

[00:26:54]>> I think she's really straight, unfortunately.

[00:26:57]>> Yeah, I don't know how, but Our other one's gay. Our other one's so gay. [snorts] >> She's very gay.

[00:27:02]>> One is gay as [ __ ] the other is straight as [ __ ] I don't know how the hell we did that, but we did that. Maybe that's why they hate each other.

[00:27:10]Probably.

[00:27:10]>> [laughter] >> They're such [ __ ] to each other, bro.

[00:27:15]They hate each other cuz they're sisters and they're sassy as [ __ ] with each other. They don't hate each other. They have a love-hate relationship, but yeah.

[00:27:21]Okay. So, I'm going to blow through this cuz it's all over the place. We asked our fans what age do they think late bloomers are considered at. We've got a lot of 30s.

[00:27:33]Okay. Mm, oh, I see what you mean, yeah.

[00:27:35]A lot of people responded 30s. Okay.

[00:27:39]>> Like a good amount of people responded 20s, which I'm See, that's interesting, huh?

[00:27:47]Yeah. Yeah.

[00:27:49]>> Like one girl said, "I came out and had my first GF at 21 and I feel like a late bloomer."

[00:27:55]I didn't even have my first girlfriend at 21 yet.

[00:27:59]But she also came out at 21.

[00:28:01]>> She came out at 21. I think people expect >> at 21, I think.

[00:28:07]I I I lost my virginity at 19. And then I slept with a woman like a year or two later. So, that's like I came out at 21.

[00:28:15]So, to her, you'd be considered a late bloomer. But nah, I don't think so.

[00:28:20]>> [laughter] >> A lot of people like a lot of my friends growing up were having sex at like 13, 14, 15, 16 and I was just there like But babe, you don't have to have sex to confirm that you're gay. No, of course not. No, but I'm just saying I feel like Well, for me, it came in that order, you know? It's like crushing on boys and crushing on girls, but not understanding, and then finally losing my virginity at 19, and experimenting with that and then finally being with a woman and being like, oh yeah, you know, like at 21, okay, like this is it, like I'm gay. But for us, sex confirmed our identity, our orientation, but that's not the case for everybody.

[00:29:02]>> Right. So just to keep that in mind.

[00:29:04]>> That's true. Yeah.

[00:29:06]Okay, so a very mix of 30s, 35 plus, 20s, 25 plus. Someone was very specific and said 27.

[00:29:18]Um and then we have a couple of people who said 40s plus and 50s plus. Oh, wow, 50s plus.

[00:29:25]>> Yeah. That well, that they're not wrong.

[00:29:26]That's definitely late bloomer. Well, yeah, but like 42, no? Then some people said, I would say 40s in terms of coming out, late 20s in terms of developing, engaging with their sexualogy, uh sex sex sexualities. Sexualities?

[00:29:46]Sexuality. I love you. [laughter] Someone said 40s but never too late.

[00:29:51]Never too late. I love that. It's never too late >> That's a beautiful answer. Yes. Not exactly out yet, but hit 35 in April and rediscovering what I'm looking for.

[00:30:02]Beautiful.

[00:30:03]>> Congratulations.

[00:30:04]>> Congratulations.

[00:30:05]>> beginnings. I want to say 30s and up, maybe even late 20s, like 28 and 29.

[00:30:12]You're never too old to be a late bloomer.

[00:30:15]Cute stuff.

[00:30:16]>> Yeah, very. So I think it's mixed reviews.

[00:30:19]>> The majority of people seem to be saying 30s. Yeah. I think that's like the most popular agreed upon late blooming age, but it's not a rule.

[00:30:29]>> There was one thing that I had written down that I that I remember that I wanted to say was that like it the reason why I think 30s is because you have a lot of people have a very straight like a solid straight narrative of their lives at that point and breaking it and coming out instead gay is I just feel like 30s is like that the a solid adult you're like an adult adult at 30. You know like 21 I was still a I was a [ __ ] idiot.

[00:31:02]>> [laughter] >> I was reckless as [ __ ] at 21. I was not I would not consider myself a mature adult at 21.

[00:31:10]>> Mhm. Definitely closer to 30s.

[00:31:13]And then 30 I was taking life a lot more seriously and so on and soon I'm turning to 35. Oh, sexy A couple months I'm turning 35.

[00:31:24]>> I love it. Yeah. Sexiest 35 year old I've ever met. I love you.

[00:31:30]I love you. Love you.

[00:31:32]Soon I'm going to get to call you my cougar.

[00:31:36]You can call me right now cuz I'm older than you.

[00:31:38]>> [laughter] >> Wow, but I like a minute.

[00:31:42]>> A year and a half.

[00:31:43]>> Like a second. Yeah.

[00:31:45]I love you. I love you. Yeah.

[00:31:48]>> [laughter] >> Not a year and a half a year and a month. Yes, exactly.

[00:31:51]>> Yeah, so I'm a cougar. To you.

[00:31:54]You can call me miss cougar.

[00:31:55]You're a milf. Roar.

[00:31:57]I'm not a Okay. You are a milf you have two babies. Yes. Three now actually I brought Teefus here.

[00:32:03]>> Oh, Teefus.

[00:32:04]>> Teefus is here. Wow, [laughter] hello Teefus. Didn't know you were there.

[00:32:08]>> can see Teefus but This is Teefus.

[00:32:12]Our Venus flytrap the third. Teefus the third. I'm really trying not to kill you I swear.

[00:32:20]>> Oh. So we'll see.

[00:32:22]>> It's the intentions that matter. Yeah.

[00:32:25]Very nice taking a nap there. All right.

[00:32:28]Okay.

[00:32:29]>> [cough and clears throat] >> Uh I do want to quickly just say though that there is such a a in the community that makes people feel like they have imposter imposter syndrome?

[00:32:43]>> Imposter syndrome, yeah.

[00:32:45]>> Okay.

[00:32:46]What that is, which is very super common, is when you feel like after you come out, you're like am I gay enough to be accepted in the community? Like would I be considered queer enough, you know? Like can I like and then they have all these questions like what do gay people do?

[00:33:05]What I don't know what music do they listen to? Why don't I know all of the lyrics to the gay songs? [laughter] I should know every lyric to every J Flip song J Flip song and like no. A lot of them don't know where to start and they DM us actively being like I just found out I'm gay like I don't know what to do, where to start, like what what's it like? Like what am I supposed to do?

[00:33:26]Like as if there's like a specific way to be gay, you know?

[00:33:28]>> yourself, yeah. There's no rules, yeah.

[00:33:31]>> There's absolutely no [ __ ] >> There is no such thing as gay enough or queer enough.

[00:33:35]>> Yeah, and I think the community needs to hear that loud and clear. Mhm. [ __ ] like don't invalidate someone's queerness, please. You don't have to prove anything to anyone to belong in in the gay community.

[00:33:49]>> Nothing. So well said, baby. I love that. I love you. I love you.

[00:33:53]>> I love you.

[00:33:56]Um and that could be one of the one of the feelings that that come up after coming out late. Even I felt it like um at coming out as like a I guess I didn't even know like like a queer influencer cuz what we were doing when we started like Instagram like doing what we were doing and having all these fans being like did you watch this movie? Did you read this book? Do you like this artist? And I'm like I [ __ ] never heard of any of this [ __ ] like what?

[00:34:21]>> [laughter] >> And I was like am I gay enough? Like I was struggling for a minute too and I was like what like why aren't I why haven't I read every horoscope and like memorized every meaning like what are your thoughts on this >> horoscope and what are your horoscope >> and then I had to really like talk to myself and be like yo like I don't need to know all the answers to everything or every song lyric or every movie line or every >> Correct. everything you don't need to is just you know it doesn't matter it's not there's no test there's no exam you have to pass no gay IQ like there's nothing you're good you know you don't have to have everyone in like every lesbian doesn't have to have the exact same interests to be considered a lesbian.

[00:35:04]>> Yeah and that's what makes us so diverse as a group. It's beautiful. We should embrace that.

[00:35:10]>> yourself.

[00:35:11]>> Exactly.

[00:35:13]Bring something new you know. Bring something new to the table. Yeah shake [ __ ] up a bit.

[00:35:18]>> Yeah. You know what I've kind of been thinking about lately is I kind of want to make colorful rugs.

[00:35:25]Oh.

[00:35:26]I've been seeing some videos online where like they have this like thing like and you have like a rug gun and you're like gunning the [ __ ] in and making a design.

[00:35:36]I don't know it looks really cool.

[00:35:39]Does that make you feel gay?

[00:35:41]It doesn't make me feel gay but I feel like it's something cute that I could make like I could maybe make some some lesbian rugs. Oh I love that. Make us a J F G rug. Okay. Sick. I'll look into this.

[00:35:52]>> I'm down. Yeah.

[00:35:54]>> [laughter] >> Even though I didn't come out late I actually have felt the imposter imposter Why am I having a hard time talking >> imposter >> today. imposter syndrome syndrome syndrome syndrome Okay whatever that >> [laughter] >> [ __ ] My ex-girlfriend you guys know this story. One of my ex-girlfriends was so [ __ ] shitty okay she judged the [ __ ] [ __ ] out of me because I wasn't a gold star lesbian and she was so she would insult me by calling me heterosexual whenever she was really mad at me. That super toxic. That was so long ago. I was like My god. 13, 14, 15 years ago. Oh, probably even longer. It was so and I was just new to coming out. I It was really my one of my first real lesbian relationships.

[00:36:42]And she made me feel like absolute [ __ ] for having dated men before her.

[00:36:47]You know, which is such a shitty and toxic thing to do, but it is unfortunately a very real thing that happens in our community where lesbians who have less experience or who have explored with the opposite sex before realizing that they're lesbians get judged very harshly by others in the community for that. And I think that's disgusting.

[00:37:09]The amount of just trauma that can bring to someone. Like I for so long after for about a year after that relationship, I didn't know who I was anymore. I felt completely invalidated in my queerness.

[00:37:22]I questioned everything about my queerness because I was just like I felt the imposter syndrome of not being gay enough and not being accepted for me, my journey, how I came to terms with my sexuality. So it is a very real thing in our community and I really, really hope that the more we talk about it, the more people are aware of it, the more people can call it out, and the more people can like also kind of catch it when it happens and speak up on it. Cuz it's a terrible thing to do. Yeah.

[00:37:54]Really is. Especially even more so within the community. Like that's just >> you see one of your friends doing that to like a fellow lesbian or fellow anyone in the community, yeah, check them. Check them hard.

[00:38:08]>> Yeah. So there's other things that we got from our community like like we we asked them a lot of questions also about late blooming. Yes. Um we actually asked some of them to submit their stories. Oh, but wait, Before we get to that, >> Mhm.

[00:38:24]let's just circle back. Mhm. You revealed the ages that people Yeah.

[00:38:30]There was something else to me.

[00:38:32]>> Mid-20s, 30s, mid-30s.

[00:38:37]Someone said, "I just realized this year that I'm bi at the age of 30, but I haven't come out yet." Oh, so many people are ready.

[00:38:44]>> Yeah. No no stress, no pressure, but um so many people I remember seeing the responses say, "I'm not out yet. I'm not out yet. I'm 40. I'm not out yet."

[00:38:55]>> Like >> Yeah. When you're ready. Yeah. Some people really need all the pieces of the their lives to fall into place to finally feel comfortable to to come out. And that's okay. Um someone said, "At 26 and 9 months since then, I lived my best life." [ __ ] yeah.

[00:39:12]>> [ __ ] yeah. Good for you. 30 while married to a man.

[00:39:15]>> [ __ ] yeah. Good for you.

[00:39:17]>> 33, 1 year ago.

[00:39:19]I knew I was queer a few years before, but officially came out saying out loud to somebody at the age of 35.

[00:39:28]I'm 21 and still haven't officially come out yet. I think my family knows, but I just can't say it.

[00:39:35]28 years old after being married at 18 to a guy.

[00:39:39]So, married at 18, 10 years later came out at 28 years old.

[00:39:44]>> Wow. Shoot.

[00:39:47]Bloomed at 11.

[00:39:48]>> [laughter] >> I love that.

[00:39:53]Um then this person said, "I always wondered, but fully hit me and came out at the age of 29/30."

[00:40:00]27, but I'm also on the asexual spectrum, so it took a while to realize attraction in general.

[00:40:07]Nice. Nice. That's okay.

[00:40:09]I came out to myself at 36 and came out publicly at 38.

[00:40:15]Congratulations.

[00:40:17]Mhm.

[00:40:18]Someone said, "Still a struggle to completely come out, not fully blooms.

[00:40:21]I'm 37." Aw, you take your sweet ass time.

[00:40:25]>> Yeah, you let that flower bloom, Marjorie, when you're ready.

[00:40:28]>> Yeah, when it's ready. I grew up very religious with a broken heart emoji.

[00:40:33]I was out to my friends in college, but everyone else in my mid-20s. Mhm, that's great.

[00:40:39]I realized at 29, came out at 30, madly in love at 40. Yes.

[00:40:47]Cute.

[00:40:48]>> that for you. I knew when I was 15, but didn't come out until I was 30.

[00:40:54]It was a different time back then. Oh, yeah. Basically what we're talking about this whole episode.

[00:40:59]>> Yeah.

[00:41:00]Yep.

[00:41:01]Someone said, "Birth, gold star."

[00:41:03]>> [laughter] >> Girl.

[00:41:06]As soon as they came out the vagina, they're like, "Yay!"

[00:41:09]>> [laughter] >> Right.

[00:41:12]I knew I was a lesbian when I was five, and I came out when I was 13. Nice.

[00:41:17]Mid-30s, but never actually came out.

[00:41:20]That's all right.

[00:41:21]>> So, we're all over the place.

[00:41:23]>> That's beautiful.

[00:41:23]>> Yeah.

[00:41:24]>> Yeah, and that's totally fine.

[00:41:26]>> Yeah. Let me now read you some coming out stories.

[00:41:29]>> Yes, hit me.

[00:41:30]>> Um I hope people can feel seen and validated through some of these stories.

[00:41:35]All right, so not going to name any names, of course. This is always anonymous. Coming out story. I told my then husband that I thought I was bi, and he responded with "That makes sense."

[00:41:46]And when I asked why that made sense, he said, "We have three posters of Carrie Underwood in our house. I used to be obsessed with her."

[00:41:55]A month or two go by, and I bring it up again, and he tells me to make a Tinder account and see if any women women would be interested in being with a married woman. So, I did and very quickly realized I wasn't bi. I was indeed a lesbian. Kissing a woman for the first time blew my [ __ ] mind. Husband and I divorced very peacefully and are still friends to this day. Beautiful.

[00:42:17]Beautiful. Beautiful.

[00:42:19]>> I love that. What a good man. Honestly, that's rare. Yeah.

[00:42:25]Good dude. And congratulations. Yes. I love that for you.

[00:42:30]Okay, girls. Okay, I had dated exclusively men. In fact, I was engaged to a man. He and I had had problems when a gorgeous woman started working at my job. Uh-oh.

[00:42:42]I was trying to ignore the chemistry between her and I, but the draw was strong.

[00:42:46]We didn't work directly together, just in the same department. My friend that worked in the same area as her asked me one day why that girl had asked me had asked about me, and I said I had no idea. Well, months later she shows up as someone I may know on my social media, so I friend request her. We became friends, but there was a tension always there.

[00:43:06]One night we were talking, and she asked me if I was happy in my relationship, and she was the first person to notice that I wasn't. I ended up breaking off the engagement, breaking up with him, and coming out to my friends all at 34.

[00:43:18]Wow.

[00:43:18]>> The day I came out to my mom was almost a year later.

[00:43:21]Wow. Thank you so much for sharing that.

[00:43:24]Yeah.

[00:43:25]Beautiful. Yeah.

[00:43:28]>> I came out at 32 after 15 years hiding who I was. Mhm.

[00:43:33]>> up in a very Catholic, traditional Portuguese family, so I felt like I couldn't do it.

[00:43:39]I finally had enough and couldn't keep it in anymore. I was miserable. Coming out turned out to be amazing, and all my family and friends have been nothing but supportive, and most of them actually already had a feeling. Lol.

[00:43:52]>> [laughter] >> Ain't that funny sometimes? You're just like, "Oh my god, I'm coming out. Like, this going to be so shocking." And everybody's like, Yeah. Yeah, we knew.

[00:44:00]>> [laughter] >> Well, I'm happy that it turned out to be a good response.

[00:44:05]>> Yes. is definitely a beautiful turnout.

[00:44:09]>> Yeah.

[00:44:10]All right, this is a little bit long of a longer one, but I This and the next one are a little bit longer, but it's I think it's really worth sharing. Worth sharing, yeah.

[00:44:19]>> Yeah.

[00:44:20]I knew I liked girls as early as age 12, but I was raised evangelical Christian and was taught that being gay was a sin.

[00:44:28]Mhm.

[00:44:29]Akin to someone with proclivities to substance abuse, choosing to use alcohol and drugs. So, when I realized I was attracted to girls, I clung harder to religion. Mhm. So much so that it often alienated me from my peers. I never told anyone at my church for fear of being judged or treated differently.

[00:44:49]I'm really glad I didn't because a girl my age who later came out told her parents she was struggling with same-sex attraction and was sent to a conversion therapist. Yikes. Ultimately, my mental health took a nosedive in my late teens and early 20s from the repressed feelings and from the general self-loathing at uh the church that the church had fostered.

[00:45:10]Understandable. Yep.

[00:45:12]>> And I'm sorry you had to go through that.

[00:45:14]>> Mhm. I stopped going to church at first because I recognized I felt better when I didn't. After leaving the church, I still wanted to have a go at trying to be with a man. I felt some attraction to men and felt it would be easier in a lot of ways if I was in a heterosexual relationship. After a lots of failed attempts at dating, I found myself taking a break and then the pandemic hit. With all the time for self-reflection, I decided it was time to come out. I wanted to wait until I was completely financially independent from my parents in case it went badly. I came out at age 30, met my wife at 31, and got married at 34. Couldn't be happier.

[00:45:52]>> Yay! Yay! Yay!

[00:45:55]>> I love that. Thank you so much for sharing. You guys, like the The of detail like is so beautiful to read.

[00:46:03]>> context. It's so It's so refreshing to to see and understand the whole context because you don't understand how much you could be helping someone else who's going through the same [ __ ] thing.

[00:46:13]Like presently.

[00:46:14]>> definitely a lot of people's story. Oh, yeah. 100% A lot of people need to like secure themselves financially before they can come out.

[00:46:22]>> Yeah, out of fear of being cut off or whatever, yeah.

[00:46:25]>> Like homeless, like yeah. Oh, yeah.

[00:46:26]100%. And it's a real fear, like it's valid.

[00:46:30]>> Mhm. All right, one more um well, a couple more, but this one's a little long also worth worth sharing.

[00:46:37]>> Yeah. I was married to my high school sweetheart.

[00:46:40]We had a beautiful son together. A few months after our son turned 1 years old, I came to my husband and I told him I want to experiment with women. He knew I have known I have known I like women since I was in middle school, just never did more than kiss girls in school. So, he was open to it. It quickly became controlling when he realized my type in women is not his type in women. Yikes.

[00:47:04]Ugh.

[00:47:05]>> Okay.

[00:47:05]>> [cough] >> That just [clears throat] made my skin crawl. And he wasn't going to be involved at all. Ugh, I [ __ ] knew this was coming. Shucks. He tried to make me choose between continuing hanging out with the woman I met or keeping his wife. I've never really been the type to like being given ultimatums and given how he showed me how controlling he became in just one short month, it felt like a no-brainer to me.

[00:47:28]Iya. Uh-huh. [ __ ] leave his ass. Ew.

[00:47:32]Mhm. Um I felt I left my husband to be with a woman. It wasn't always smooth sailing.

[00:47:38]I was also deep into postpartum depression that was ignored and looked past. Everyone turned against me after I left my husband, my parents, my friends.

[00:47:46]>> Oh, [ __ ] That's just [ __ ] terrible.

[00:47:49]>> 2 years later and my life is amazing.

[00:47:51]I'm still with the woman I left my husband for. We're 4 years strong and we are actually engaged now.

[00:47:57]I have my son more than his dad does now and life is just amazing. While I wish things played out differently, I have never regretted leaving him.

[00:48:05]Absolutely.

[00:48:07]It was so tough tough ride, but you know, you are where you're supposed to be now. Yeah. And she's happy. For sure.

[00:48:14]That's amazing. Aw. Thank you for sharing all that. That was That was really a lot of detail, a lot of context and we really appreciate it. Thank you.

[00:48:23]>> Thank you very much.

[00:48:25]All right.

[00:48:26]So, I think we've got just one more.

[00:48:28]Cool. I don't know if I'm considered a late bloomer at 27. According to a lot of people, you are.

[00:48:33]But I technically have two coming out stories. Oh. All right. The first wasn't great. I went to college far from home, fell in love with my straight toxic best friend.

[00:48:42]Classic. We were inseparable, even roommates. I was deep in denial, drinking and sleeping with guys to try to convince myself I wasn't gay.

[00:48:50]Spoiler, that didn't work.

[00:48:53]One night I got drunk and told her I was gay and had feelings for her. The next day she outed me to our entire music department, both were music majors, in this very close-minded school.

[00:49:04]I ended up dropping out and moving home, keeping it all from my family.

[00:49:08]A couple years later, after therapy, I came out to my immediate family. They took it well. Then on April's Fools' Day, I posted a dramatic video saying, "I am straight." Gave a whole speech and ended up then ended with April Fools, I'm guest walk.

[00:49:22]>> [laughter] >> Nice. That was me taking it back. Yeah.

[00:49:25]If your story was messy, you're not alone. It gets better. No one else gets to define you.

[00:49:31]Beautiful. [ __ ] yeah. That's right. No one else gets to do it. You get to do it on your terms, on your timeline.

[00:49:39]Late bloomer, early bloomer, whatever you want.

[00:49:41]>> Tops the [ __ ] morning.

[00:49:43]>> enough. You know what? We should do an episode one day on outing people.

[00:49:49]Okay. How terrible that is.

[00:49:52]>> Yeah, it is [ __ ] terrible.

[00:49:52]>> Yeah.

[00:49:54]Bunch of [ __ ] asses. [ __ ] yeah.

[00:49:57]Um no, the importance of not outing people and letting people come out and bloom whenever they feel is right. Yeah.

[00:50:04]All right, so we're done here. Thank you guys for watching and listening. We hope this episode resonated with you. We will see you next Friday at 10:00 a.m.

[00:50:12]Eastern for another juicy episode.

[00:50:14]Please give us a like and a follow subscription on YouTube. That would be super appreciated and follow us on our socials. Have a beautiful weekend. Love you guys.

[00:50:23]>> Love all the late bloomers. Yes, go show your late bloomers some love. Yes. Bye.

[00:50:29]Bye.