This Is What I'd Tell The Social Worker | EP 40

[00:00:00]Do you know why I don't set them up?

[00:00:01]>> You don't need to when you caught a child cuz they [ __ ] get up.

[00:00:04][laughter] >> If my if I'm not up by 10, it's because my child has died, >> right?

[00:00:10]>> All right.

[00:00:11]>> Yeah.

[00:00:12]>> I'm honestly like and then I have bigger problems. I don't obviously So, it's like it's win-win cuz it's like, well, either I wake up anyway.

[00:00:20]>> I've said it to you a couple of times though.

[00:00:21]>> And if I'm tire I'm like tired, child's still alive.

[00:00:24]>> When's she going down? When are you put into bed? Um, it varies.

[00:00:31]>> Yeah. But sort of roughly.

[00:00:33]>> And I'm not on a good day.

[00:00:36]>> I'm about to come at you from a different position which I think you'll think I'm coming at.

[00:00:40]>> Yes, please.

[00:00:40]>> Where I [laughter] >> So I just >> Where you think I was so keen where you think I'm going to go make sure your baby goes down to bed at this time?

[00:00:48]>> No, I I know that. Look, let me let me say to you, I'm a complete flake, so it does vary. But if I was, you know, explain to the social worker, what I would say is at 6:00 she will be in the process of eating dinner. By 6:30 she's finished and she's then in the bath where she has fruit and not a small quantity of fruit either. A gigantic quantity of fruit, >> right?

[00:01:12]>> Looks like a [ __ ] harvest festival in the bath there. Honestly, it's unbelievable. It's like grapes, blueberries. Just four fruits, >> right?

[00:01:18]>> Four fruits. Raspberries.

[00:01:20]>> Does it go in the >> She calls them ryberries.

[00:01:23]Does it go Does it go in the water and stuff?

[00:01:25]>> It does go in the water. She She fishes it back out. Um, >> kids are great.

[00:01:29]>> It's often then given to me to eat.

[00:01:31]That's normally the >> You've got to have a bit.

[00:01:32]>> You have a bit. Yeah. Which one can I can I have? One of the clean ones in the bowl. No, you can have the one that's been in the bath in my pooy ass.

[00:01:38]>> Does she have a bit and then go on, you've got to have a bit of >> As long as it's not bread. I don't mind if it's I will eat most of her like >> I shared a hot dog with my friend's toddler the other day.

[00:01:56]>> It's all right. I just thought it'd be funny.

[00:01:58]>> Yeah.

[00:01:59]>> She had like a half chewed up hot dog and I'm really squeamish about this sort of thing. Uh but I just sort of was like, "Yeah, go on. I'll have a bit."

[00:02:07][laughter] And I just took it out of her hands and just she was giving it to me.

[00:02:10]It was a gift. I think that shows good gumption from you. And the one thing I couldn't do is speaking of dogs, I don't think I I couldn't share a food. I couldn't share food. Was dogs brought up?

[00:02:23]>> You said hot dog. [laughter] >> So way I suppose. Yeah. [laughter] >> So this is all on you.

[00:02:30]>> So no. So don't >> cuz you looked a bit confused when he said think it speak when he said speaking of dogs. I looked at you straight away.

[00:02:36]>> Yeah. just put this >> and you were like [laughter] >> this is what happens when you use figurative language you know it's a metaphor isn't it hot dog [laughter] >> it's a metaphor >> um and so I couldn't some people like >> they'll like give their dog a lick of the ice cream and then they'll lick it I can't do that I can >> I can't >> you know have you se there are actually few things there are few things at which the mind boggles more than with the more of a dog because there is so much that the big what's that black thing that goes all around like do you know what I mean?

[00:03:09]>> The lips.

[00:03:11]>> It's more than that. It's bent over.

[00:03:12]It's not It's not a lip. It's like It's more than a lip.

[00:03:16]>> I've got a dog and I'm And >> I love dogs as well.

[00:03:19]>> Claire love him.

[00:03:20]>> Cla takes the piss out of me for being too close to our dog cuz I have conversations with him.

[00:03:26]>> Yeah.

[00:03:26]>> I just keep talking to him like he's my mate or something which is which I admit is nuts. But I won't. There's been times where I've gone up to my dog and I've gone I've gone I've put his face near mine. I've gone, "Hello, mate. How you doing?" to the And the tongue >> Yeah.

[00:03:42]>> sort of does something like that. And I'm freaked the [ __ ] out. And I love my dog >> completely.

[00:03:47]>> Like so much. Even I'm like, "That's too much, mate." On this right now.

[00:03:52]>> Yeah.

[00:03:53]>> Cuz this is going to go. If you can handle it, then I'll go there.

[00:03:57]>> Yeah.

[00:03:57]>> But if you're not up for it, mate, don't tease me. is what I'm saying. Yeah.

[00:04:01]Don't you >> No, I don't you get in over your head.

[00:04:05]>> I can't have um I've got friends that they like kiss their dogs and you can see the dogs tongue like waffling around.

[00:04:14]>> No, in the end it's um it's Yeah, it's to not >> meant to be really clean though. The old dog's mouth holes.

[00:04:24]>> My dog sucks himself off.

[00:04:28]He sits there on the couch. His [ __ ] thing comes out.

[00:04:33]>> He sits there licking it.

[00:04:34]>> Yeah.

[00:04:35]>> Yeah.

[00:04:35]>> So that's why I get that's where where I'm a bit like right you don't want to kiss him.

[00:04:39]>> Yeah. I don't want to go anywhere near you, mate.

[00:04:40]>> I think that's probably fair.

[00:04:41]>> I think that's fair.

[00:04:43]>> But anyway, so so so essentially uh threw it in the bath that then finishes.

[00:04:51]>> Sorry. We were talking about a nice story about your daughter.

[00:04:53]>> No, sorry.

[00:04:54]>> And then it went into my dog sucking himself off. Yeah, but of course you were talking about dogs, which is how we got on. I mentioned hot dog, >> so it's your fault.

[00:05:03]>> That's the thing. There was You know what?

[00:05:05]>> Where do you want me to go with this? I mean, if you mention hot dog, I'm going to think about I'm going to think about my hot dog.

[00:05:11]>> Exact. Well, exactly.

[00:05:12]>> Sucking himself up on the >> That's what I thought you meant.

[00:05:14][laughter] And so, you know, I'm not to blame.

[00:05:18]>> So, then after that, she comes out of the bath [laughter] and then we I think I just think of your toddler just sort of getting herself out of the bath.

[00:05:29]>> Well, no, she she does she does whatever the [ __ ] she wants. Um I Hannah is often like she prefers you as the parent.

[00:05:40]>> Yeah.

[00:05:41]>> It's just not true at all. It's the fact that I have got absolutely no standing with her whatsoever. Like I tell her to do something, she's like, "Fuck that.

[00:05:49]I'm not doing that."

[00:05:50]>> Yeah. She >> She prefers you.

[00:05:53]>> She gets more stuff.

[00:05:54]You're the soft touch.

[00:05:55]>> Exactly. It's like, would you like to live in a country where the police force is like hard and enforces the law? Would you want to live in a country where the police force is useless and frightened of you? This is if you're a criminal.

[00:06:08]>> You go, well, I'll go to the one where they're rubbish and like they can't bring themselves to to enforce the law.

[00:06:14]>> I was a prefect at school.

[00:06:16]>> I was so [ __ ] I was so [ __ ] I just couldn't I couldn't do anything. I just couldn't I I couldn't be a teacher. I couldn't do any of that. This is why I'm glad I've had boys >> because you think you can >> I think I think if I had a girl >> I would I would bring up a monster >> because I would not there would be nothing >> good enough for her.

[00:06:38]>> Yeah.

[00:06:39]>> I like she would get everything she ever wanted and I would do everything that she ever told me to do.

[00:06:45]>> I think it's a like with lads with boys like it's easy to go [ __ ] knock that on the edge. The only thing I managed to tell her to not do >> Rain yourself in a bit, mate.

[00:06:54]>> I man I managed to tell her >> I wouldn't be able to do that to a little girl. I just wouldn't.

[00:06:58]>> No, they're a nightmare. Yeah.

[00:07:00]>> Actually shouldn't.

[00:07:01]>> No, you shouldn't. I know. You shouldn't. They should. But I did I did yesterday say, "No, you cannot have your child seat. You know, they have like a a baby seat or a child seat on on top of the regular seat." And our one swivels so you can get them out.

[00:07:15]>> And she wanted it to swivel so she was facing the back of the car. So, she was just facing like the cushion of the car.

[00:07:22]>> Where were the where's her legs going in that situation?

[00:07:24]>> Good point. I didn't even think of that.

[00:07:26]>> Yeah.

[00:07:26]>> But was I literally I literally found myself resorting to the thing that I sort of swore to myself I'd never do >> of going, "Oh, the policeman will pull daddy over and then daddy will get in trouble." Absolutely.

[00:07:38]>> But that's pathetic, isn't it? Cuz it makes me seem weak then. Cuz what I should be going is if he I [ __ ] have him.

[00:07:44]Cuz it makes me seem like I'm scared of the police, which I'm not, by the way.

[00:07:47][laughter] I'm not scared of the police.

[00:07:49]Like blue light. I don't give a [ __ ] >> [ __ ] the police.

[00:07:52]>> [ __ ] the police. No. To I've I've um >> No, [snorts] the man.

[00:07:56]>> I've met the when I've met people in the police. They've been nice, but I'm just saying I'm not scared of them.

[00:08:02]>> I do what I want.

[00:08:04]>> Like I obey the law cuz I happen to want to do that.

[00:08:07]>> Sure. Do >> you know what I mean? It's like >> it coincides with >> it. Like that's exactly the speed I want to drive at. That good. I want to drive at that speed.

[00:08:14]>> I did.

[00:08:14]>> How did we get here?

[00:08:15]>> I did. So, I was talking about when my daughter >> It's because I mentioned my It's because I asked Joe, "What time do your daughter go to bed?"

[00:08:22]>> Anyway, so then she's out of the bath.

[00:08:24]Often it's a case of um daddy bath, mommy bed.

[00:08:28]>> So, I um get her changed, we clean her teeth, >> she [snorts] will scream at me for some reason cuz I bought her the wrong pair of pants or something or like she's she's got socks that are like they're not jama socks, right?

[00:08:42]>> Brush your teeth.

[00:08:42]>> What did I say?

[00:08:43]>> Clean your teeth. I say clean your >> This will blow your mind. Hannah Twinton. I also say Hannah Twinton.

[00:08:50]Actually, >> she says wash your teeth.

[00:08:54]>> No, someone else said wash your teeth.

[00:08:56]>> Someone else said >> error in a chat bot or something. What the [ __ ] are you talking about?

[00:09:00]>> Back me up here.

[00:09:01]>> Someone on the set of The Inbetween Users said wash your teeth and we all went wash your teeth.

[00:09:07]>> It's madness. You're honestly like you're something's off about you. soap and a >> That's like That's like in That's like in um The Great Escape where it's like, >> "Good luck. Oh, thanks, old chap.

[00:09:21]>> Got you."

[00:09:21]>> Yeah.

[00:09:22]>> Gotcha.

[00:09:22]>> Yeah.

[00:09:23]>> Wash your teeth. I don't know what it's pro It's proof of something, though.

[00:09:26]It's proof of something. And I think it's that there's something not right about her.

[00:09:31]>> How many of our listeners do you think have watched The Great Escape?

[00:09:35][snorts] >> It's a long film. I haven't watched it for years.

[00:09:39]>> I haven't even seen all of it. I don't know. It's a good film, but it's a it's a commitment.

[00:09:44]>> I used to I used to watch it >> before before I met Claire and before I had kids and stuff. It used to be like a Christmas film. Is it >> is it a Christmas? I feel like it's classed as a Christmas film. It used to be something I used to watch over Christmas.

[00:09:57]>> I think at Christmas it's just like you've got time to watch it.

[00:10:00]>> Do you know what I mean? It's a long film. like um so it's um there's a really good bit of Eddieard stand up about um the Great Escape where he's saying that they're all there and they're kind of like putting on their disguises. They're putting on like Nazi uniforms and Stea Queen's there just there in jeans and a t-shirt.

[00:10:22]>> The blue t-shirt.

[00:10:23]>> Yeah. And he goes disguised as an American man. [laughter] >> It's really good.

[00:10:27]>> Again, I don't think like I say only people listening to this have watched The Great Escape. Let us know in the comments.

[00:10:33]>> We just kept talking about it.

[00:10:34]>> I might be wrong.

[00:10:35]>> You flagged it up and then I just kept But people know about The Great Escape, don't it's like the Bible or something, you know? Yeah, you weren't there when it was written, but you've you've heard about it.

[00:10:42]>> What was the other one? It wasn't The Great Escape. The Great Escape wasn't Cold, was it? [snorts] >> There was another film about Cold, wasn't there?

[00:10:50]>> The Great Escape was not Cold. The Great Escape is I don't even know whether it's a named camp. I think it's um >> there is there is a Cold film though. I watched it when I was younger when I used to watch film and I was like I'm going to be a actor.

[00:11:06]>> Oh, >> I'm gonna I'm g going to watch film and I'm gonna put I'm going to watch Panic in Needle Park.

[00:11:12]>> Oh, you talking about watching like one thing I've never done is I've never watched worthy films. I've never sat down. I must watch like the cannon of >> I used to watch worthy films and be like and convince myself that I enjoyed watching that film. [snorts] >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I used to be like, "Well, you want to be an actor, so if you didn't enjoy watching this film, then you're never going to be an actor."

[00:11:32]So, I go, "Well, no, I did. This is a conversation I have in my own brain."

[00:11:37]>> No, but I've I've done that definitely with >> And this was the days where you had to [ __ ] go and buy the DVD of it.

[00:11:42]>> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:11:44]>> No, that's No, but it is I think I was a bit like that when I first went on social media where there was a voice in my head saying, "You said you wanted to work in the mass media. This is what the mass media is now.

[00:11:55]>> Yes. You can't be a hypocrite.

[00:11:58]>> In a weird way, it's even more important now than what it was when we were coming in.

[00:12:02]>> Oh, totally. Of course.

[00:12:02]>> I remember for a long time, I was the only one on Twitter out of us boys.

[00:12:06]>> Yeah.

[00:12:07]>> And uh >> Simon Bird, I think we were live on radio or like radio one or something like that. And Simon Bird decided to do a bit where he'd um did like five highlights of my best tweets or something like that. And one of the tweets was, "Oh, I I still can't um shake off this tickly cough."

[00:12:32][laughter] And it was I knew he was taking the piss out of me, but it was difficult to be angry with him cuz I was like, "Oh no."

[00:12:40]>> The thing is though is that actually that was a tweet that I put out to the public.

[00:12:47]>> Oh dear. Um but the thing is though I think at that stage I would have been frightened to even do that. It seemed like such a vast commitment >> back in the day >> to say something >> back in the early days of social media >> to broadcast widely >> when I got 50,000 Twitter followers >> that was like a real sweet spot because it was just because it it was a weird it was a very short window as well like social media then became sort of this weird monster that it is now. But this was really I've I've always been into sort of the internet and stuff that's going on the internet and YouTube and things like that. And >> um so when I got 50,000 Twitter followers, it was like I'd have to travel into London for a meeting at 11:00 and then I'd have a meeting at 4:00 in the afternoon >> and I'd be able to put out a tweet going, "I'm in London right now.

[00:13:48]What's I've got five hours to kill, six hours to kill.

[00:13:52]you know, is any ideas what I should be doing right now? And it would just genuinely be really helpful and thoughtful and people go, "Oh, you have you've been to this? Oh, there's an exhibit going on here." And and oh, if you jump on the tube and you go to here, you'll be able to go and that was that was genuinely magical.

[00:14:10]>> Yeah. No, I I I think um that probably was a sweet spot. I I mean I was I was you know I was impressed that you were able to to do it. I mean I I to me it just seemed like this thing that everybody just took on as though it was just the lightest thing in the world. Like yeah sure just just say something >> micro blogging. It's just micro blogging.

[00:14:34]>> It's just micro blogging. And I was like oh yeah that's cool. What are we talking about get involved? And >> it's like the Jay's thing, isn't it?

[00:14:41]It's like um you know the the whole thing that he did about the you know old uh piano lessons or guitar lessons or whatever it was and it was like >> I didn't want to learn the guitar. I wanted to learn piano like >> it's like well don't worry about it like move on.

[00:14:56]>> I think it >> but for some reason social media is like people just going oh this what just move on just keep going don't worry about it >> cuz I'm just really old. The only analogy I could come up with was like publishing that it was like suddenly being under pressure to publish something every day.

[00:15:17]>> Sure, it's not very much, but >> you're still being told this will represent you. This should embody who you are and people will judge you as such. It seemed like a gigantic ask to just suddenly say everyone uh by the way everyone now needs to publish every day right as you were. It just seemed like, well, what? That's madness. I And it was just and it was all treated as though it was this kind of light little thing. Uh, and and also that it should just sort of flow naturally from just being you.

[00:15:48]You're probably almost doing this already.

[00:15:51]>> I do think it seems >> I do think there's some responsibility that needs to be taken >> by people that put stuff out, especially with >> Well, that was But that was why I didn't >> And I dread saying it. I dread saying these two letters because this can send you off especially in the world of AI.

[00:16:10]>> Now I do um like get served stuff up on Instagram and it and there's footage and there's something and then the the the caption the story that goes with is like this person was unfairly uh um sentenced to death because but later they were found innocent. And then I go into the comments like, "By the way, you've taken footage from a different court case." And so it's all [ __ ] right?

[00:16:37]>> And I just think right that, >> you know, we we've grown up with doing television.

[00:16:44]>> You know, we were kids when we first started doing television and we do I don't know. Well, I do know about you like I I'll speak on your behalf, Joe, if you don't mind me saying for a second. But we do feel a responsibility >> of standards of sort of like oh if you're broadcasting something there needs to be a certain uh there needs to be some sort of care gone into it and thought and stuff like that.

[00:17:07]>> That's so >> that was the assumption I sort of grew up with.

[00:17:10]>> I do think that now that when you tweet, when you Instagram, when you Tik Tok, you are broadcasting.

[00:17:17]>> Yeah.

[00:17:17]>> And I do think there needs to be some sort of like well you can't just [ __ ] say anything by the way. Yeah, >> you can't just dress things up as your opinion.

[00:17:26]>> You need to have some sort of if you know, you need to have some sort of fact to to back it.

[00:17:32]>> Um, but we don't we don't have that, do we? Like >> Tik Tok Tik Tok's a thing. I I I um skirted around Tik Tok for a week and it seemed like a really unhappy uh intense, violent place. Instagram's quite nice for me. It's very it it to be fair. So, what do you like about AI, Joe? Um, but it's done quite a good job of the the algorithm of serving up stuff that I go, "Okay, it's to be fair, if you went on my Instagram right now, it's mostly middle-aged men playing guitar, doing covers of uh Pink Floyd songs."

[00:18:13]And I go, "That's really good. You've done a really good job there, and I like that." Whereas Tik Tok is like politics and [laughter] like, oh, it's really angry and really like and I'm bit like, oh, this doesn't relax me at all whatsoever.

[00:18:29]>> I go on Instagram for like, I don't know, 20 minutes and I come off it and I can feel my heart going like I can literally my body's like it's gone into like >> spend a bit more time and like stuff.

[00:18:41]>> My body's panic. It's literally panicking.

[00:18:43]>> You can inst Instagram's genuinely like and I I do love social media. I don't I don't get on with it at all. I do hate it. And it's sent me uh on a handful of occasions it sent me to the old psychiatrist to try and sort of [ __ ] >> But it's fine cuz the tech companies they they pay for that, don't they? Like cuz they they cause all that, but then when people go mental from it, they they pay for the treatment, don't they? They don't just fob that off. Oh, they do just fob it off on the NHS of So that's not their problem. I will say this. Oh, so they don't take all the profits. Oh, they do take all the profits. Okay. So, they take the money.

[00:19:15]>> But I will say this, I can only speak And my own experience with Instagram is that what the stuff that you engage in and the stuff that you like and stuff is it it does start to go, "Oh, that's the kind of thing that you're into." And >> it's not that bad. I mean, >> and it will just sort of serve stuff up.

[00:19:31]And do you know what? It does kill, you know, 45 minutes on the train and stuff like that.

[00:19:35]>> James, [music] >> strap yourselves in, guys. This is going to be a weird one. Welcome to Joe and James Fact Up. Each week, we'll be bringing facts to one another that we deem interesting. And our policy is the more interesting, the more true it is.

[00:19:51]We'll also dig into the weird things that you'd like to think are true, but don't want to research yourself in a segment that we're calling fact check.

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[00:20:02]Our email is [email protected].

[00:20:04]Our WhatsApp is 07822034330 and you can follow us on socials@ Joe andJamespod. And also you can watch these episodes if you're listening to it and you think I wonder what they look like while I'm listening to [laughter] this. You can go to YouTube and search Joe and James Fact Up. Now let's get facted up.

[00:20:28]>> Here we go. Hey, listen Joe. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:20:30]>> Um, just as we were doing the little cold open there and the intro, we had a a quick break cuz I needed to go to the toilet.

[00:20:36]>> Yeah.

[00:20:36]>> Managed to get myself into a situation.

[00:20:39]>> What happened? Was there no toilet seat again?

[00:20:41]>> No, I walked in. I was like, [laughter] >> why did you not lock the door?

[00:20:46]>> Lock the door, mate. Lock the [ __ ] door.

[00:20:47]>> He was a courier, so I don't think he's like part of the building or anything. I think he was just delivering something and then thought, "Oh, I better pop to the toilet."

[00:20:56]There was one cubicle. I saw the little red dot. I saw that there. Yeah, I'm not even going to try that. I know exactly where we're at with that.

[00:21:02]>> And there was another one where there wasn't. It was a white dot and I was like, okay, I can go in there and I opened it a little bit and I was like, >> feel like I can hear someone in there. I think there might be someone in there.

[00:21:14]>> Yeah.

[00:21:15]>> So then I kept opening it [laughter] cuz I was just cuz I was just like, well, if someone's in there, they'd lock the door surely.

[00:21:23]>> Yeah.

[00:21:23]>> There he was. Sat on the toilet.

[00:21:25]>> Sat on the toilet.

[00:21:26]>> I went, "Sorry, mate. Sorry about that."

[00:21:27]He went, "Oh, don't worry.

[00:21:29]>> [laughter] >> Okay. Now, >> I mean, well, I'm glad I was in my head.

[00:21:32]I was like, you're clearly comfortable with the situation. I'm not.

[00:21:36]>> I'm sorry to put it this way, but was he doing a poo?

[00:21:38]>> He was sat on you. What the [ __ ] >> Well, no, cuz I sit on the toilet as well >> and I just had a >> I was going to defend him cuz what I was going to say is there sometimes a thing where you think >> this isn't really my building. So, >> in his defense, in his defense, there was there was no smell when I did go in.

[00:21:54]He might have just been doing what I like to do, which is a little sit down way. To be honest, I have to say >> he could have locked the door and helped.

[00:22:00]>> Honestly, if you're gonna have a sit down, that your your whole what what that says to me if you're having a sit down week is I'm about comfort. I want this to be a proper experience. I don't have a problem with that.

[00:22:12]>> Yeah.

[00:22:13]>> But what I'm saying is he's giving out very mixed signals. And one in one way around he's saying like, "Oh, look this this is like I'm having >> I think he was a bit too comfortable.

[00:22:21]I think he was so comfortable. I think he was he was one step away from just sitting with the door open. as far as I'm concerned.

[00:22:27]>> Bloody hell.

[00:22:28]>> Which would have made things easier >> because I could have walked into the blue and gone, "Oh, >> sorry."

[00:22:33]>> That's the thing.

[00:22:35]>> Well, I Yeah, >> minefield.

[00:22:38]>> It is a minefield. I was primed to defend him. The other thing is that with um when you've got um a gentile and you've got urinal what? Urinals.

[00:22:48]>> Urin urinals.

[00:22:50]>> Urinals.

[00:22:50]>> Urinals. [laughter] >> Uranus. And you've got you got urin.

[00:22:54]There's no urinals in this one though.

[00:22:56]This building's quite poss but there isn't but there is an ambiguity where you have urininals and then the sit down toilets as well and you think well gee if I was at the urinal I wouldn't have a door to close anyway. So maybe if I'm going to we standing up in the cubicle I'll leave the door open. And that's why I assumed this was then you told me the man was sitting down and that's when I thought this man is >> also let me chuck this into the mix as well because they're sort of like posh public toilets in this building where you in the cubicle you also have your own um >> um what they call it sink. [laughter] >> What's that word there Joe?

[00:23:34]>> I think they're calling it a sink.

[00:23:36]>> So it is it does become your own little private toilet for a little while. You rent that toilet for a bit. Uh could have just could have just done that with the old lock and um we would have been call. It's thrown me a little bit. I'll be honest.

[00:23:53]>> You've had two in a row now cuz I know that I know that I think it was last week you um went to sit down and this was more >> more on you, but the seat wasn't there and so you I suppose fell through in a way. I I wasn't I was absent I absent mindedly sort of plunked my bum down on the cold porcelain.

[00:24:14]>> It's a funny sensation though.

[00:24:16]>> Wet balls. [laughter] >> Oh.

[00:24:18]>> Anyway, >> I I accidentally went to the toilet in the men's uh a couple weeks ago here because um the order of the toilets on our floor are >> different to the disabled men's women's.

[00:24:30]On the bottom floor it's disabled women's men's. And I didn't know until I walked out and there was a man walking in and he stood back and looked at the sign, looked at me, >> and then I walked out and saw that it was the men's. And the only thing I noticed that was different, I didn't realize they didn't have urininals, is that it smelled more of piss, but I thought that's because it was a hot day.

[00:24:50]>> Right.

[00:24:51]>> Oh, okay. So, it's kicking up a bit more evaporation.

[00:24:53]>> People are a bit more dehydrated.

[00:24:56]>> Yeah. I just I just thought maybe because it's hot, maybe.

[00:24:58]>> There's no urinal in the men's.

[00:25:00]>> Yeah, there isn't. That's that's why that's why I didn't.

[00:25:02]>> But that's why that's that's >> it's exactly the same but more pissy.

[00:25:05]>> So it's true. So the men the men are smellier.

[00:25:08]>> Oh yeah.

[00:25:09]>> When I was at university um I had a room in a shared house and it was kind of like a threestory house and it was like room room and um the girl who lived on the floor above me, I was hardly ever there in that particular year cuz I was always at my girlfriend's accommodation.

[00:25:29]Of course you were, mate.

[00:25:30]>> Cuz you're you're a ledge.

[00:25:32]>> Yeah.

[00:25:34]>> So my room was basically pretty empty.

[00:25:36]>> Yes. [laughter] >> All the time. And the So the girl who lived above me was just drunk one night and basically just wholesale mis mistook my room for her room. She was like, "Well, this is my room."

[00:25:52]>> So she just like spent the night. I mean, I wasn't there, but she spent the full night in the room just in my bed.

[00:25:56]Then in the morning was like, "Where the [ __ ] [laughter] am I? And it was just like, >> did you not get locks on your doors and stuff? That's what you got in university. Everyone got their own.

[00:26:04]>> I don't I don't think I did. I I can't remember. I >> You're the guy that I've just walked in on basically >> is what's happened there.

[00:26:12]>> It's your fault.

[00:26:13]>> I must have just left the door open or something. I must have >> No, I imagine you were doing >> It was a funny little room. It had It had a bed and then it had a kind of annex which was a carpeted annex containing just a sink.

[00:26:27]Why do halls do that? Loads of halls just have a sink in there.

[00:26:30]>> The horse bath.

[00:26:32]>> The horse bath. Is that what it's called?

[00:26:34]>> Yeah.

[00:26:35]>> And um >> you just wash your bits.

[00:26:37]>> Wash your bits. Yeah.

[00:26:38]>> Wash your pits and bits.

[00:26:40]>> And let's be honest.

[00:26:41]>> And then you crack on with the day.

[00:26:42]>> You can you can have a we in it.

[00:26:44][snorts] >> It's all going to the same place, isn't it? I mean, who >> I think so. Not 100% sure.

[00:26:48]>> Also, you're in sterile, so it doesn't matter.

[00:26:50]>> Right.

[00:26:51]>> Well, now we've got a fact about piss.

[00:26:53]No.

[00:26:54]>> We have.

[00:26:54]>> Well, we might do. Let's um we've got some correspondence first though um because you guys have uh even though we're in correspondence >> even though we are well in to um the World 2026 uh we do have your correspondence you still been sending uh us some fact up stuff. Here's one from Dave via the fact up WhatsApp says how to deal how to deal with Joe's foxes because you were talking about the >> Yeah, two foxes. If Joe wants to get rid of the foxes in his garden, which I don't think you do, really >> that's the thing. I don't know whether I do. I mean, I'm not using the garden.

[00:27:31]>> Yeah.

[00:27:32]>> But anyway, >> you only paid for it. [laughter] >> Yeah. I look at that garden and I honestly >> as a bonus >> I honestly I think whose garden is that?

[00:27:43]>> Um, if Joe wants to get rid of the foxes in his garden, he can piss around the outside of the garden. Foxes don't like male urine. They stay away. Um, I provide this service for a friend when I visit her place from Dave.

[00:27:59]I took a weird turn there at the end of it. Uh, I used to buy lion [ __ ] >> Yes.

[00:28:05]>> Cuz I, uh, there was a cat that kept [ __ ] laying a turd in my front garden.

[00:28:12]>> Um, that was right in the middle of where if I leave the house, I need to walk through that. It became a real pain in the ass. I bought some lions [ __ ] off the internet.

[00:28:23]>> Surely that's you're going to walk into that more often.

[00:28:26]>> No. Well, I scattered it around like we've got sort of there's some flower bits in our garden. I don't know. CLA takes care of that sort of stuff.

[00:28:36]>> Um so I scattered it in that uh and it did sort of do the trick. I also bought um >> Does it stink?

[00:28:45]>> No, it didn't. It didn't smell that much to be honest with you. Um, this was a while ago. I might have to revisit. I don't remember there being a smell. Um, but I bought some lion [ __ ] Maybe you should have put some of that in your dorm room. [laughter and snorts] >> Yes.

[00:29:04]>> Just scattered some lion [ __ ] around.

[00:29:06]>> Yes. No, I am.

[00:29:07]>> Cuz if there's one thing I know about women, and I don't know much about women, Joe, they are terrified of male piss and [ __ ] [laughter] >> Yeah.

[00:29:17]Um, >> it does keep them away.

[00:29:19]>> Yeah.

[00:29:20]>> Yeah. [laughter] >> Um, >> um, so >> So with this, >> are you going to piss around your garden? I mean, you don't >> I don't I don't have enough of a problem with the foxes is the truth. [snorts] >> I don't mind foxes. I like I like a fox.

[00:29:41]Um, it's just those stories where you hear they attack a baby in a cot or something like that >> and you go, "Oh god, that's a bit much."

[00:29:48]>> I mean, I Well, look, Dave, if I do if I you know, you he can come and do it like if if I need it. He's obviously he says he's doing it for someone else. So, >> yeah, but he's doing it for his friend who I assume. Anyway, it doesn't matter.

[00:30:04]Um, anyway, uh, >> yeah, >> we've got a world up fact topper.

[00:30:09]>> Mhm. uh from Aaron and this is a voice note.

[00:30:13]>> Yeah.

[00:30:13]>> That Aaron has left via the via the old WhatsApp.

[00:30:17]>> Right. Are you ready for Aaron?

[00:30:19]>> Let's go. Yeah.

[00:30:20]>> Go on. What's Aaron got to say?

[00:30:21]>> Hey guys, love the pod. Uh my name's Aaron and I've got an interesting fact for you to follow on uh from your McGregor conversation. I've just listened to uh obviously about his younger brother being Obi-W um but there's another Star Wars character who is um related to Yuan McGregor the one who plays Wedge Antillies which is like one of the leading uh fighters uh in A New Hope and he's in the other few episodes as well. Uh that is Yu McGregor's real life uncle. His name is Dennis Lawson and he was in like BBC shows. He was a famous actor for the BBC and he played Reed Antillies and yeah, like I say, he's Y McGregor's real life uncle. So, I thought you might like that. Interesting. Love the pod. Keep on going with it cuz it really brightens up my Tuesdays.

[00:31:14]>> Oh, that's nice.

[00:31:15]>> Keep going.

[00:31:15]>> I like the thing. Keep keep going. It was like It's like what you said, you're a slow runner.

[00:31:19]>> Yeah.

[00:31:20]>> Come on. Just finish.

[00:31:22]>> Keep going.

[00:31:22]>> I'll carry over the finish line.

[00:31:23]>> Dennis Lawson, >> isn't he the footballer?

[00:31:28]>> Dennis Law. Oh, right.

[00:31:30]>> This is Dennis Law's son, >> right?

[00:31:32]>> His [laughter] um and you McGregor's uncle. Well, that's interesting. So, what So, so he's in a way is it a case?

[00:31:41]>> So, you McGregor, from what I'm hearing, is a little nepo baby.

[00:31:44]>> He's a Nepo baby. Yeah, he already had an uncle in >> He already had a uncle. Uncle >> uncle. [laughter] >> Tell us how you really feel about that.

[00:31:54]>> Is that like a yummy mummy? Oh, [laughter] uncle. He had a uncle.

[00:31:59]>> I call him >> already in in Star Wars.

[00:32:01]>> Yeah.

[00:32:02]>> He probably put a word in for him.

[00:32:03]>> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:32:05]>> Next thing you know, Bish Bush, he's Obi-Wan.

[00:32:07]>> Probably before he even had a license for the jet, his uncle was letting him park it and stuff. Like he he grew up on Star Wars.

[00:32:14]>> Yeah. So I'm I'm now voiding his entire acting career. That didn't happen. Just that's bollocks. I thought >> all respect I had for you McGregor as an actor.

[00:32:22]>> He's probably not even Scottish. He's he probably grew up in Windsor Castle. He's He probably uh he's probably from Edinburgh.

[00:32:29]>> And that's not Scottish, is it? No, that's like one of those >> That's like the English people.

[00:32:34]>> Yeah, >> I'm a Scots myself.

[00:32:36]>> Yeah, [laughter] >> there's a bit in um documentary called Kenneth Clark's Civilization, which I didn't really like to be fair. But there's a bit where he visit, he's literally an old aristocrat. He's saying he's posh English speaking. He's up in Scotland in all his tweet and he's like, >> I love Scotland and I'm a Scot myself.

[00:32:52]>> You're like, no, no, that doesn't count.

[00:32:54]People are asking on set, Joe, uh whether you're carrying the door or if the door is carrying.

[00:33:04][laughter] >> Yeah, we had no cuz it just I honestly come out of that really badly.

[00:33:08]>> It sort of sounds a little bit like Ringo Star.

[00:33:11]>> Oh yeah, Ringoar, >> don't send any more posts.

[00:33:15]>> Please don't send me fan mail. Stop sending me fan mail. Peace and love.

[00:33:20]Peace.

[00:33:20]>> I'm warning you. I'm He says literally, I'm warning you with peace and love.

[00:33:25]>> Lovely way.

[00:33:25]>> That's good, isn't it?

[00:33:26]>> Lovely way to talk.

[00:33:26]>> I'm warning you. I think when you know when Lenny came out with all that peace and love stuff, I'm not sure he meant it to sort of pad out Ringo Stars. Don't send me fan mail messages.

[00:33:37]>> Um, he say, John. Oh, yeah. Peace and love. Yeah. So, can I skip the queue?

[00:33:40]Peace and love.

[00:33:41]>> Um, hey, listen, Joe.

[00:33:43]>> Yeah.

[00:33:43]>> Uh, I don't know if you've realized, but there's a big tournament going on at the moment.

[00:33:47]>> It's the World Cup 2026. to look over at their poster.

[00:33:52]>> What's nice about our tournament is that it actually takes place during normal hours.

[00:33:58]>> Yeah.

[00:33:59]>> Where's the other one? I don't know what's going on there. I just saw one in the middle of the night.

[00:34:02]>> Well, listen, try being the only English >> Greenwich meantime, please, for everything.

[00:34:07]>> Try being the only English person in your house right now.

[00:34:10]>> Oh, yeah.

[00:34:10]>> Cuz Scotland are very rightly excited about being involved in the World Cup.

[00:34:17]>> They beat Haiti.

[00:34:18]>> Yeah. And uh that was a late night, believe me. Uh anyway, >> was that 2:00 in the morning or something?

[00:34:24]>> 1:00, 2:00 something like the really hardcore ones are the ones that are on like 4:30. Who's watching them?

[00:34:30]>> [ __ ] that. [ __ ] that.

[00:34:32]>> Yeah, I know. It's [ __ ] [ __ ] >> [ __ ] that. Right up the ass.

[00:34:35]>> Everyone in it dies >> because um [laughter] dear because now it's time to kick off the most exciting tournament happening this summer. It's the World Cup 2026.

[00:34:46]>> Have we got the jingle? Yeah, the jingle's live and well.

[00:34:49]>> Go.

[00:34:49]>> Can we hear it?

[00:34:50]>> If you want to.

[00:34:51]>> I've not heard it.

[00:34:52]>> You don't heard it yet?

[00:34:52]>> No.

[00:34:53]>> Okay. Well, you ready? Let me find it.

[00:34:57]>> What's that noise, Katie?

[00:34:58]>> Katie's heard it.

[00:34:59]>> Yeah, >> that's [laughter] why >> I've heard it as well. And it >> When did you hear it?

[00:35:03]>> No, I haven't heard it.

[00:35:04]>> No, I heard um Is it not?

[00:35:06]>> No, I've heard the jingle for um I've got nos.

[00:35:11]>> Are you ready?

[00:35:12]>> Go on.

[00:35:12]>> Yeah.

[00:35:16]There are so many [music] which one is the best.

[00:35:30]Only the world of has the power to decide.

[00:35:41]is the [music] world.

[00:35:44]We can find out the greatest [laughter] >> I could at no point could I work out where like the first beat of the bar was [laughter] >> Oh god. What's depressing about that is that you know that little thing that you recorded me saying at the end?

[00:36:03]>> Yeah.

[00:36:04]>> I was about to say that in real life as well. [laughter] like just >> I was once in a play and um >> can I can I just tell you that's been in all the episodes uh from from >> right now it we're in the last group stage.

[00:36:19]>> I only listen to the um the pre I do listen to it.

[00:36:23]>> Don't think I don't listen to it. I listen to it before we put >> We're in the last group stage and that's the first time I've heard our World Up theme song.

[00:36:31]>> It's just the way we record. We're so in advance.

[00:36:34]>> Yeah.

[00:36:34]>> Yeah. But what do you think? I thought it was really good.

[00:36:37]>> I really I really like it. I like the bit about has the power to decide.

[00:36:42]>> Yeah.

[00:36:42]>> It reminds me a bit of the um >> I like when he goes really up when the beat hits.

[00:36:47]>> Yeah, it's good.

[00:36:47]>> That's really good.

[00:36:48]>> Reminds me of Share.

[00:36:50]>> Yeah.

[00:36:50]>> Yeah.

[00:36:51]>> Yeah. Do you believe?

[00:36:55][screaming] >> Yeah.

[00:36:58]>> We'll shout out Bertie who made that who's on the team.

[00:37:01]>> Thanks B. You've you've rescued something out of that which was a dis the recording session was a disaster.

[00:37:07]>> I'm just going to say that was something that Bertie made. [laughter] >> Uh here we go. Right.

[00:37:15]>> If I play that in my garden, will it keep the foxes away?

[00:37:18]>> We've got two weeks. [laughter] >> That's my question. I think it might be.

[00:37:21]>> I think it might.

[00:37:22]>> Yeah.

[00:37:22]>> I think they'll wish they were deaf instead of blind. Yeah. Uh, [laughter] >> they'll start clawing each other's ears and trying to >> Anyway, for the next two weeks, we've still got two weeks left of this, we'll be pitting your facts against one another to crown the ultimate fact up fact. Uh, today is our final knockout stage. It's match five.

[00:37:42]>> It's a sharp end of the competition >> with the winner earning a slot into the fact up final.

[00:37:47]>> And yeah, it's not just anyone who gets into the final. It's when it's five, it's five out of 10. So, it is almost everyone.

[00:37:52]>> Yeah, you got a 50% chance.

[00:37:54]>> 50% chance. It's 50/50. Um, >> but when we get to the final, we'll be uh we will put the facts under even more scrutiny before than before. What?

[00:38:05]>> Yep.

[00:38:07]>> Today is our final knockout stage where the winner will uh will earn a slot in the fact up final. Where will where will we where will >> Yeah, it is.

[00:38:18]>> Right. Hang on. Will is short for we we will, right?

[00:38:22]>> Yeah.

[00:38:22]>> Okay. [laughter] >> Where we Yeah. So at the moment it says where we will >> treat me like Ron Burgundy when >> Yeah. The problem is I'm also thick. So [laughter] >> Well, no. Well, no. If you're the thick one, what the [ __ ] are we going to do?

[00:38:34]>> Don't say that anyway because we NEED TO [ __ ] IT.

[00:38:38]>> We have to believe in you. Like because [snorts] we have no faith in ourselves that you you don't listen. [laughter] >> We're doing a little funny thing. We're doing with facts. All right. And it coincides with the World Cup. So that's what we're doing. Um we've got one more knockout stage. that person will get through to the final uh where it will be put that their facts will be put even under put under even more scrutiny um because we'll pin them all p them p >> we'll pin them down >> and really [laughter] roger them >> they'll be pinned down [laughter] the most I've ever spat in my life >> that was so viscous my goodness >> that's the most I've ever spat Oh dear god I covered that. Why did I have so much saliva in my mouth at that [laughter] point? I've got it on my thumb. Right. [snorts] No. What are we doing? Jesus.

[00:39:31]>> The world up round.

[00:39:32]>> Hey, you're going to have to come in.

[00:39:34]You're going to At some point you're going to have to go. I've got to protect my client and [laughter] >> we need to stop this recording.

[00:39:42]>> What's that thing that Britney Spears had where someone else was put in charge?

[00:39:46]>> She shaved a [ __ ] into her head. Is that right? [laughter] >> 40 quid though. So, >> yeah.

[00:39:51]>> Yeah. Right. No. So, you send us a fact, we put it up against another fact, we decide which one's better or not. It gets into the final at the end next week. Is it next week?

[00:40:03]>> Next week.

[00:40:04]>> Next week, we will have five >> facts.

[00:40:07]>> Mhm.

[00:40:08]>> That we will discuss further and decide what's the winner of the World Cup 2026.

[00:40:14]It's gone so fast.

[00:40:15]>> And we've decided we're going to do a silver and bronze as well. And I'll try and come up with some prize ideas.

[00:40:19]>> I think we should. Yeah.

[00:40:20]>> Yeah. Also, I think we should come up with some prize ideas. We can get some [ __ ] >> in between us stuff or something.

[00:40:27]>> I was thinking about getting some certificates.

[00:40:29]>> Yeah, >> I'm sure we can >> see if we've got some stuff. Um I I have to say I'm I may have said this before.

[00:40:36]I've got a disappointingly small amount of >> I've given all my [ __ ] away. I don't have I used to have like box sets of the DVDs and stuff and like for my own just to sort of look at them and go, "Oh, do you remember when I did that? Yeah, I've given away to >> local pubs that need to sort of auction off some stuff. It's time for our first fact to be presented. It comes from Dean on email. Dean says, "Here's my fact for the world up."

[00:41:09]Ah, yes, I know this one. It's a good one. We don't actually get wet.

[00:41:18]And this is the reason.

[00:41:21]Technically speaking, humans do not have wet senses in their skin. The sensation of wetness is actually an illusion created by your brain based on changes in temperature and texture. No, I've realized I thought Dean was going to go somewhere else with this.

[00:41:39]>> I think I think it goes to sort of >> I'm going to say some words now, Joe.

[00:41:46]No, go on. I love words >> that I am only 1% sure of what they mean.

[00:41:50]>> That's fine.

[00:41:52]>> I'll make up my own meanings.

[00:41:53]>> Quantum physics.

[00:41:54]>> [ __ ] it. I don't know what that means.

[00:41:56]>> So, >> no one does. I think that's the point.

[00:41:58]Actually, I think physicists will they say they don't know what it is.

[00:42:01]>> So, um nothing ever really touches anything.

[00:42:06]>> Okay.

[00:42:07]>> You can feel the pressure on stuff and the but nothing >> most of the universe is empty space, >> right? Well, I suppose if you were to actually feel something, if you were actually like your h I'm I'm really in deep water here, Joe.

[00:42:25]>> Don't worry.

[00:42:26]>> I need you as an educated man to sort of maybe >> I'm not >> throw one of those little sticks out and go, "Come on, grab that."

[00:42:32]>> Well, have a, you know, keep going and I'll see. for anything to ever really be >> physically involved with something, you'd have to take that on.

[00:42:43]>> There there'll always be a barrier.

[00:42:46]There'll always be a incredible microscopic >> thing between you and the other thing.

[00:42:54]>> Well, >> so even even sort of at the atomic level, if something touches you, say touches, >> if something comes into contact with something, >> Yeah. Unless it fuses, I suppose >> it's not actually there's something stopping it from creating full actual genuine contact.

[00:43:14]>> Well, that does that that makes some sense. I think thing I've heard is that like most like if you look at an atom, most of it's empty space. So, if you're saying two atoms are in contact with each other, perhaps they're not really.

[00:43:26]If they fuse, presumably the different things inside the atom simply rearrange themselves into a different configuration. and it's still mostly empty space.

[00:43:36]Um, and I So yeah, I I think I've the other >> but I don't know about this thing about the brain creating illusion.

[00:43:47]>> Well, what I would say is that when >> don't know if that's a that [sighs and gasps] >> I don't know if it's like eyesight. I remember when I was in primary school, one of my primary school teachers told me that everything is actually upside down.

[00:44:00]>> And your brain your brain's decoding it.

[00:44:03]>> Yeah.

[00:44:04]>> Yeah.

[00:44:05]>> But I don't know what that means in everything's relative, right? So what is upside down and what is not?

[00:44:12]>> Yeah.

[00:44:13]>> Even when I was like 9 years old, I was like, >> "Were they Australian?"

[00:44:18]>> No. [laughter] No. They weren't from the >> Yeah. it it flips the image or something, right? But if it didn't flip the image, then you would just >> appre you you would just accept whatever you looked >> looked at anyway.

[00:44:34]>> Yeah, you might um >> Yeah, everything is upside down apparently.

[00:44:40]>> With this one, I'm thinking about when you're in the womb, you're wet in theory, aren't you?

[00:44:48]>> But you don't really think of yourself as wet cuz it's all you know. didn't do a lot of my thinking in the womb. I'll be honest.

[00:44:54]>> No, you're not thinking like >> I um >> I wasn't in the womb and I was like, you know what? I'm going to be in a sitcom when I'm older. [laughter] >> No, no, no, no, that's true.

[00:45:06]>> Well, do you do you like this fact? How do you feel about it?

[00:45:08]>> Now, listen, there's something in this fact, but I've heard, like I say, I've heard something different. Um, yeah, you do not get wet, but I don't know what the definition of being wet is. Of course I don't.

[00:45:23]Claire will tell [laughter] Cla will tell you that.

[00:45:30][laughter] Oh, she's going, "What is it?" And you're like, "Just define it for me.

[00:45:37][laughter] Can if you only define it, then we can see what we can do."

[00:45:43]>> Yeah.

[00:45:44]>> You're not defining it properly.

[00:45:47]Um, [laughter] [ __ ] hell. Um I do I do like this fact actually. Um but I I'm sort of struggling to cuz something's it's clearly different. You're like oh I mean I heard a fact that humans didn't used to think that this the sea was blue and then like we couldn't see it as blue and then like there's a line in um a poem an ancient Greek poem that's like the wine dark sea across the wine dark sea.

[00:46:15]So like they didn't used to think it was blue. They just thought it was dark. So like you actually see it, we we were we had to be told it was blue and then we go, >> "No."

[00:46:23]>> Oh yeah, it's blue. Yeah.

[00:46:24]>> No, I don't believe that. The the >> This seems like a similar thing though.

[00:46:28]>> A reflection of the sky, right? That's why we think the sea's blue. Unless the sky was red.

[00:46:33]>> Maybe the sky was red, too.

[00:46:35]>> I don't think it was >> unless he was talking about the sunset or or a different time of day.

[00:46:41]>> Could have been.

[00:46:41]>> But the the the sea is blue. The sea is see-through, but it reflects the sky.

[00:46:46]And that's why we say the sea is blue.

[00:46:50]>> Yeah. I'm not I have to say I'm not I haven't particularly firmed up on that on that one. But >> yeah, I'm not firm on anything that's going on right now.

[00:46:59]>> Do you want to be [laughter] honestly? Um so >> this gin and debon gend.

[00:47:09]>> Did you finish yours?

[00:47:10]>> Yeah.

[00:47:10]>> Yeah. Good for you. Yeah.

[00:47:12]>> Or wish I had some now. [laughter] >> I tell you what, they were right. It does.

[00:47:16]>> It's [snorts] got a kick to it.

[00:47:17]>> It's got a kick, but it's also got a pep. So, it's both. It's kind of like [laughter] >> It's not I can see why the queen mother liked it.

[00:47:27]>> Yeah.

[00:47:28]>> Yeah. Um, so like I like this fact. The only thing I don't like is the brain creating an illusion.

[00:47:39]That's where I that's where I have that's where I'm a bit >> Well, here's my here's my question. So look I so what happens is that like if you took a a a baby um that has not yet had an experience of being in water and you put them into water and let's also say that this is baby is like unsighted right so the baby is like oh something >> something's different about my skin >> I suppose as an adult you could say and the word we're going to have for that from now on is wet >> right >> so that is what he seems to be saying but what I was going to say is Are there animals that really do have wet senses?

[00:48:18]It if it's just if that experience is just that's just what we mean by wet.

[00:48:23]>> See, I don't think there are cuz if you were a fish, you'd be going mental all the time. You're going, "Gosh, I'm so [ __ ] wet all this [ __ ] time."

[00:48:33]>> Dry off a little bit.

[00:48:34]>> Oh god. More.

[00:48:36]>> Yeah. Um >> towing you if you were fishing, you're always towing off or waste of time.

[00:48:43][snorts] taling, constantly taling. Um, but listen, right, we've got we do have another fact. This is gonna go up against I like it.

[00:48:52]>> It's not a bad fact. It's not a bad fact.

[00:48:54]>> I have to say it's quite cerebral. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

[00:48:59]>> Depends on whether you know what the word cerebral means or not.

[00:49:02]>> Well, it means it's a little bit philosophical.

[00:49:05]>> Okay. So, we're going to have a little ad break now and then we're going to come back and find out what um wet goes up against. [laughter] >> What wet goes up against. [laughter] >> Anyway, Joe, we are back. [snorts] >> Hello.

[00:49:29]>> Uh we just learned that you don't feel wet because your brain um creates an illusion. I'm not sure about that one. So, you've got the next fact, Joe, for us.

[00:49:40]>> Yeah. So, the next fact comes from Zach on Instagram.

[00:49:45]>> Yeah.

[00:49:45]>> He says, "I have a fact for the world up. Almost all mammals have seven neckbones, which is the leading theory behind us evolving from the same common ancestor." So as an example, whales, giraffes, mice, and humans dis sorry so I'm going to because I haven't given this enough which is the leading theory behind us evolving from the same common ancestor.

[00:50:07]>> That's the >> is that widely known? I don't know.

[00:50:10]>> No, it doesn't.

[00:50:12]>> So as an example, whales, it doesn't matter on this podcast.

[00:50:15]>> No. Okay. No, but I couldn't work out whether this is this is like a kind of >> out there theory or whether this is a thing. Anyway, >> no, you just need to take Zach at his word. Okay, fine.

[00:50:25]>> That's how we >> No, no, Cool. No, no, I do. I mean, I'm I couldn't work out whether I'd kind of that enough. So, as an example, whales, giraffes, mice, and humans, despite being wildly different sizes, still maintain the same number of neckbones.

[00:50:40]There's a few exceptions in sloths and manatees, but they are considered evolutionary defects as opposed to a separate lineage. Love the pod. Just thought this might be of interest. Well, lovely. And I mean, >> first of all, >> not just of interest. I mean, it's he's sacheted his way into the into the world up. So, >> Zack, there's a load of words there that I didn't 100% understand, but they sounded fascinating to me.

[00:51:04]>> Um, >> and that is what makes a good fact.

[00:51:07]>> Absolutely. Manity, what on earth? What the [ __ ] Um, so I mean that isn't so >> the sea cow. Is that what they call it?

[00:51:15]>> Dong. Dong.

[00:51:17]>> The dong is another one. And there's also something called a narwhal which has a a tusk.

[00:51:23]>> It's a tooth.

[00:51:25]>> Is it?

[00:51:26]>> Again, I might >> No, I [laughter] think I think >> I'm going to go I'm going to say that that's fact, but it's an actual tooth that grow grows through their head in a weird way. And um scientists still not 100% sure what the point of it is, but they've decided that it's to carve out some breathing holes in in um sea ice.

[00:51:49]>> Well, it's as good a reason as any. That's all I need.

[00:51:54]>> Yeah. So, yes, >> I just need to hear what some bloke told me.

[00:51:59]>> Yeah, that's true. Move on.

[00:52:01]>> Yeah.

[00:52:02]>> No, we're not going to go back and study it more.

[00:52:04]>> No, why would we? Leave it. Just leave it.

[00:52:08]>> Unless you're going to pay me, I'll do it. But [ __ ] I'll just I'll just take your word for it.

[00:52:12]>> Yeah. Just that's what it's for.

[00:52:15]>> But I'll be honest, Joe, I love everything about this fact.

[00:52:18]>> I've just spat on my t-shirt a bit. Can I say I came out the bathroom?

[00:52:22][laughter] >> I came out the bathroom. I like sprayed a bit of What's We've just done, you know, an et podcast. I the water like sprayed up my t-shirt. Is that >> from a from an matter? Also, the other thing was when he came in, I was drying my armpit under the >> when he came in.

[00:52:38]>> Yeah.

[00:52:40]>> Did you lock the door?

[00:52:41]>> No, because by that point, No, I'd unlocked the door, but then I'd gone back to try and cuz I had all water down me, >> right?

[00:52:49]>> And I always feel that when I'm drying my armpit under the hand dryer, when someone comes in, I I always act so guilty. I'm like, "Oh, God." You know, as though I've been wanking or something.

[00:53:01]>> Do you know what the but you're out to do. That's all right.

[00:53:04]>> The same [ __ ] thing happened to me once, right? I was in a theater. I was doing a play. I was doing a play about spooky [ __ ] It was about ghosts and whatnot.

[00:53:12]>> Yeah.

[00:53:12]>> And uh the bloke that wrote this play also has a a really good >> podcast. Um Uncanny and to get >> it's been recommended to me.

[00:53:21]>> And to get into the sort of you know the spirit of the show and and the spooky [ __ ] that's going on. Uh my sort of prehow ritual became listening to his podcast on the way in and he talks about all kinds of [ __ ] nonsense about ghosts turning up and all this sort of stuff and it is genuinely quite >> freaky and it did put me in a sort of I was I was heightened.

[00:53:44]>> Yeah.

[00:53:44]>> Right. And um and it's one of those buildings where all the floors look exactly the same. So I was in a dressing room on one floor and one of the other actors was the floor below me and the exact same layout, exact same dress and he'd gone up one flight of stairs and he walked into the room and I went ah like that. Like I literally like [ __ ] myself.

[00:54:06]>> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:54:07]>> And he was like, "What are you doing?

[00:54:08]Having a wank or something?" [laughter] I was like, "No." I was like, "No, I'm just quite sort of like I'm on edge." I I was literally like when the door started opening and he opened it a bit slowly and I sort of went [screaming] like that and and I in my head I was like this is it. I'm about to meet a [ __ ] ghost. And the it was the Gil It was the Gilgood Theater. It's like an ancient hero. [laughter] >> It's an ancient building. It's a spooky building anyway. And and I spent weeks just going, I'm going to [ __ ] bump into a ghost at some point. I was like I was ready to bump into a ghost. And that was my immediate reaction, by the way, if I'd saw if I'd ever seen a ghost.

[00:54:46]Yeah. Was the scream.

[00:54:48]>> Yeah.

[00:54:48]>> Um, but yeah. No, I know exactly where you're coming from, man.

[00:54:51]>> You know what I mean? It's because like Anyway, I should have just logic, but I thought, well, this is kind of [sighs] >> whatever.

[00:54:59]>> The [ __ ] wasn't out.

[00:55:01]>> Oh, god. No.

[00:55:01]>> That's what I mean. So, like, >> no. Exactly. But even that, it's just Why are we so embarrassed about sweating? I sweat. You know, >> there's not a problem with sweating. I just don't know. I don't know. I I I can't stop it. I hope you don't mind.

[00:55:12]>> You can't have an operation.

[00:55:13]>> I hope you don't mind me talking about this, but I remember years ago when you were talking to me and you were like, "I think I'm get I'm going to get Botox in my >> Yeah, you can get it." Yeah.

[00:55:24]>> And I was like, "No, no, no." And I went to you, "No, don't do that. You can't do that." And you went, "Well, because I like I feel like I sweat excessively."

[00:55:31]And I was like, "That's just your body.

[00:55:32]Like that's just what your body's supposed to do. [snorts] If you [ __ ] up, like you your body's trying to cool down. if you start messing around with that [ __ ] >> Yes.

[00:55:40]>> Like you're going to get into trouble.

[00:55:43]>> Well, my chemistry teacher at school um was talking about the merits and demerits of completely covering your body in paint for a Halloween costume.

[00:55:53]And she was saying, "I would worry about pores and you wouldn't be able to sweat."

[00:55:57]>> Isn't there like some sort of internet myth story?

[00:56:02]>> Somebody died from it.

[00:56:03]>> Somebody sort of like internally combusted or something. her her take. Uh Dr. Dr. Nice Biffield, she said, I remember this.

[00:56:13]>> Shut up.

[00:56:14]>> Yeah. She said, "You'll probably be all right as long as your kidneys are working at full whack." In other words, you can excrete all the stuff you need to get out through your urine. As long as your kidneys are going, you should be okay.

[00:56:25]>> How confident are you? And >> I'm I have I I've >> got good kidneys.

[00:56:30]>> Yeah. Oh, no. Yes. I I'm back my kidneys and and I back I continue to back that I've stored that away as a little thing that I remember. So [snorts] I think my kidneys are all right. Yeah. I haven't done any boxing or anything. Is it boxes kidneys end up that it's all scar tissue? There's just no >> right. I wouldn't surprise me. Yeah. Cuz there's literally getting punched then the the kidney repairs itself. But the big problem you have when you when the body repair if you can get wounded the body will repair it but it won't replace like for like it'll just use a bog standard type of scar tissue. So >> if half your kidney gets really [ __ ] up your the body will fix the half but it won't really be kidney anymore. It will just be a scar.

[00:57:09]>> Right.

[00:57:09]>> So that's why >> uh >> I'm not kidney confident.

[00:57:15]>> I think I am >> I've never had cause for >> kidney and liver. I think I've got some there's some uh there's some problems there. They're going to rear their head at some point.

[00:57:26]>> How long do you need to go for? I'm always thinking like, well, you know, if they conk out over after like 100 years, I'll probably be No, >> if you're lucky, mate. Anyway, Zach, you're >> So, we haven't spent enough time talking about this. Um, I think >> because I had to bring up my toilet trauma.

[00:57:42]>> I've also Well, why not?

[00:57:44]>> You got to I mean, every time me and you go to the toilet, we always come back being like something went wrong. There was something wasn't [laughter] what it was. Like a child [ __ ] going on the toilet. This go in there and I didn't get to finish.

[00:57:58]>> I don't like public toilets at all. I I did a thing. I [ __ ] need a [ __ ] in an airport recently and [laughter] I went twice and I still couldn't do it cuz I was abroad and I couldn't get any 5G or whatever. I couldn't read the news while I was on the toilet and all I could hear was people talking and coming in.

[00:58:19]>> That was before we had 5G. Everyone was like, "Hurry up with 5G because really need a shit."

[00:58:24]>> Yeah, I could get a sink in here like in dorm rooms if [laughter] you want.

[00:58:28]>> Yeah, you could carpet a small room. Pop a sink in there and um I'll um >> um but listen, Zach, I'm loving everything about your fact, mate.

[00:58:36]>> Yeah, >> just personal preference here.

[00:58:38]>> Um don't know if it's true.

[00:58:40]>> Seven neck bones. I love the I love the specifics of it. Seven neckbones, which also mice and giraffes and whales have.

[00:58:50]I'm all for it.

[00:58:52]>> Yeah. And I I think I probably have said this on here before, but I like this idea of of like common ancestry. I think it's a it's a it's a pleasant idea.

[00:59:03]There there was I think there was a some scientists believe that at one point the the number of humans had dwindled so much.

[00:59:16]This is like ages ago >> that there was basically like just like one group in I think what is now Botswana. Like one group that's it. If that group gets hit by an asteroid that's it. Humans are done. Like they're out.

[00:59:29]>> They can't all travel on the same plane together.

[00:59:31]>> They really No. No. They they mustn't.

[00:59:34]No, they mustn't. And um >> uh but yes, so I I it appeals to me this idea of like um >> and and the sloths and the manatees do not have the seven neckbones. They're considered evolutionary defects.

[00:59:50]>> Yeah. um harsh perhaps on >> I would also say the sloth is the only animal I've ever heard at just be a bit rude about >> like he's he's like their muscles are puny >> and can do very little >> and you're like oh what you can't wait to see a [ __ ] slug [ __ ] another slug but a sloth >> which isn't you know >> what's the lifespan of a sl [ __ ] hon [laughter] Christ really >> when the iPad fell out. [laughter] >> It's me like half remembering something I saw on television 25 years ago and you're all burping and [laughter] like it's like an old people's home.

[01:00:35]>> What is >> What do you think is [laughter] basically a gentleman's [laughter] club?

[01:00:43]>> It's a gentleman's club. We should like just do you know what I mean?

[01:00:49]>> We should be in wing back leather chairs.

[01:00:51]>> Yeah.

[01:00:55]>> Just checking out the foot seat.

[01:00:56][laughter] >> That young lady. Does she work here anymore? She left. She left.

[01:01:03]>> We used to do that a lot, didn't we?

[01:01:05]>> Shame. Yeah, we did.

[01:01:06]>> It was a damn shame.

[01:01:08]>> A damn shame. Uh [laughter] that was a that was one of our comedy characters that we had on the set in between us.

[01:01:15]>> Yeah.

[01:01:16]>> 20 years 20 years. Yeah. All right. 20 years ago. That's all right.

[01:01:20]>> They got I think he bought it in Burma actually. [laughter] >> Yeah.

[01:01:27]Yeah. It was a wonderful time growing up in Rhdesia. [laughter] Uh anyway, Joe, where are we going to go with these? Um I'm leaning towards Zach and I don't think I've made any um >> I don't think I've hid that.

[01:01:46]>> Um I don't think that Dean Let's have a look at both.

[01:01:50]>> I don't think Dean's fact is true.

[01:01:53]>> No, I like Dean's Fact. I'm I I am >> I've heard something similar, Dean, but not not the brain creating an an illusion [snorts] thing.

[01:02:05]>> It's wet versus bone.

[01:02:07]>> Wet versus bone.

[01:02:08]>> Bone.

[01:02:09]>> It always is.

[01:02:11]Um [laughter] um >> don't even know what that means.

[01:02:16]>> Sort of like men are from Mars, women are from Venus. I suppose >> it is a BS. Yes. Yes. Yes.

[01:02:22]>> In a way.

[01:02:23]>> Yeah. If you don't think about it, >> I know I get it.

[01:02:27]>> Um, >> I like Zach.

[01:02:30]What you saying, Joe? What's your gut saying there?

[01:02:32]>> What's your kidney saying?

[01:02:35]>> Uh, [snorts] seconds. [laughter] Don't rush me.

[01:02:43]>> Podcasting someone damn good port.

[01:02:52][laughter] The thing is, I know why you're doing this charact.

[01:02:55]>> No, I know. Okay. All right. I [laughter] know. I know. Sorry. I'm just trying to hang on a hang on a second.

[01:03:02]Hold on. Um >> Um You torn, Joe.

[01:03:08]>> Yeah. I like I I really like the Dean one, but I think that um I'm having I'm having trouble kind of grasping what the opposite would be.

[01:03:20]Like what is a wet? What is a wet sensor? Like to me, it's a little bit like saying you're not really, you know, you're not really hot. You're it's just that your your your nerves are telling your >> your brain that you're hot. You're like, "Yeah, but you know what's that's what hot is to me." You know, >> an illusion.

[01:03:40]>> Yeah. It's get we're getting a little bit we're getting a little bit into that Matrix stuff >> where people go nothing's really happening. It's just a load of things.

[01:03:52]do exist when you leave the room.

[01:03:54]>> Yeah. And I suppose I'm like, uh, well, we've covered this. We now we don't care.

[01:04:01]>> We we like it just more.

[01:04:03]>> It's fine.

[01:04:04]>> More of it.

[01:04:04]>> Yeah.

[01:04:05]>> Um, and um, also, even if that is true, that's, you know, it, you know, it may be a mess, but it's my mess. Do you know what I mean? In when it comes to reality. I think we I think we are putting Zach through.

[01:04:20]>> Toughest one. toughest.

[01:04:21]>> It's a different tough one.

[01:04:22]>> It's a different one. Look, I I like I feel like Dean is playing very sort of cultured >> football.

[01:04:28]>> Yeah.

[01:04:29]>> Um >> but maybe in the end Zach's just brought on his big man and he's brought on um Andy Carol.

[01:04:37]>> Zach's just route one it >> but he's rooted it and um you know in the end it is that's what can happen in West >> Zach's parked the bus.

[01:04:47]>> Tournament football.

[01:04:47]>> He's nicked a goal. He's parked the bus.

[01:04:49]>> Tournament football. Yeah. So maybe over the course of a league I think Dean might win, >> but it's not a league.

[01:04:55]>> It's um >> That's a shame that Dean's not gonna make it. But this is this is the way cup tournaments work, isn't it? Can we do it? Can we say Zach's gone through?

[01:05:05]>> Yeah, >> neckbones has gone through.

[01:05:07]>> Zack, you're through.

[01:05:09]>> Well done, Zach.

[01:05:10]>> You may not win the final.

[01:05:11]>> Well, it's a good fact. Who knows?

[01:05:14]>> You might win. Yeah, >> that's my way of saying. [laughter] >> Yeah, >> that's Do you know what I mean?

[01:05:20]>> It's how it works, isn't it? Listen, should we wrap this up?

[01:05:23]>> Probably. For the love of God, probably.

[01:05:25]Um, listen, I'm all fact out, Joe. What have we learned today? We've learned um there's seven neckbones in the neck.

[01:05:33][laughter] >> Best place for them. [laughter] >> That's where I keep mine.

[01:05:41]>> But listen, you do you. We've learned that there's seven neck bones in the neck. We've learned that you need that Joe needs to piss around his garden to stop the blind fox from turning up.

[01:05:50]>> Yeah.

[01:05:50]>> Uh and we also have learned that >> didn't we have a voice note at some point about piss?

[01:05:58]>> Yes.

[01:05:58]>> What was that?

[01:05:59]>> What was the voice note?

[01:06:01]>> Yes, the voice note was an add-on from OB2.

[01:06:06]>> Oh, that's right. Dennis >> and we've also we've also learned that um you McGregor isn't as talented. And as great as actor as we we all thought he was, he's actually just snuck in through the back door >> because his uncle cuz his cuz his hunky uncle >> [laughter] >> uh >> Dennis Law >> cuz his uncle got him in got him involved in the Star Wars franchise. Um guys, thank you so much for listening.

[01:06:30]We'll be back next week armed with more facts, chats, and final world and the final.

[01:06:35]>> Yeah, the final. Yeah, we have I mean we need to big that up a bit more. It's the final.

[01:06:39]>> I was too casual about that, wasn't I?

[01:06:41]Yeah, >> we'll be back next week with the final World Cup match.

[01:06:45]>> And don't forget that you can get in touch with us if you'd like us to compete in the World Up. What?

[01:06:51]>> Oh, it's fine. Actually, no one else can compete in there.

[01:06:53]>> No, absolutely not. Uh, keep [laughter] your facts coming in.

[01:06:56]>> No, you can't.

[01:06:57]>> No, it's too late.

[01:06:58]>> It's too late.

[01:06:59]>> Keep your facts coming in. You can get in touch with us. Um, our email is [email protected].

[01:07:04]Our WhatsApp is 07822034330.

[01:07:08]You can follow us on socials. Our handle thing is Joe andJamespod and head to the podcast description if you've already forgotten those details. That's it.

[01:07:19]That's the end another podcast. We're done. That's the end of the episode.

[01:07:22]Joe, >> bye. Goodbye. We've done it.

[01:07:23]>> Goodbye. [applause] >> James, [music] >> that's the most drunk I've been drew in a podcast.