Why Change Feels Impossible

[00:00:06]I'm Ivan Alexander, a master's level behavior clinician, and this is King Junky Talks.

[00:00:14]>> This is a King Junky production.

[00:00:16]>> Today's topic for discussion is why change feels impossible. Now, technically, behavioral psychology and ABA would explain this through concepts like reinforcement, motivating operations, stimulus control, contingency management, and behavior modification. But, nobody clicked on this video for that.

[00:00:41]And let's be real. Half of you heard those words and immediately started thinking about what you want to have for lunch.

[00:00:51]So, let's keep it simple.

[00:00:55]No, but seriously, if you guys want me to take a deeper dive into the jargon, let me know in the comments. But, for today, let's talk about something everybody can relate to. Why do people keep saying they want to change and keep doing the same exact things? Everybody wants an outcome. Nobody wants a behavior that creates an outcome. People want abs. Nobody wants to meal prep.

[00:01:20]People want confidence. Nobody wants rejection.

[00:01:24]>> This is a King Junky production.

[00:01:27]>> People want money. Nobody wants delayed gratification. People want a closer relationship with God. Nobody wants consistency. [music] Everybody wants a blessing. Nobody wants an alarm clock. And that's where behavioral psychology [music] becomes interesting because one of the biggest lies people believe is that change happens because of motivation. It doesn't. Think about [music] it. Have you ever been motivated on Sunday night?

[00:01:53]You watched three self-improvement videos, listened to a new podcast, bought a new book, maybe even ordered a few supplements, and then Wednesday shows up, and then suddenly the new version of yourself is nowhere to be found.

[00:02:11]>> [laughter] >> Somewhere between Monday and Wednesday, he entered the witness protection program. Congratulations, you've [music] just experienced being human.

[00:02:23]>> [laughter] >> Before we dive in, hit subscribe.

[00:02:29]You'll learn how to level up and live like the top 1%.

[00:02:37]Motivation feels powerful, but motivation is temporary. Behavior is what matters. [music] You see, most people think successful people are motivated, but behavioral psychology say [music] something different. Successful people are just better at repeating behaviors. That's it.

[00:02:56]Not [music] more special, not more gifted, not more enlightened, just [music] more consistent.

[00:03:04]Now, here's where things really get uncomfortable. Most people don't fail because they're lazy. [music] They fail because they're reinforced for the wrong behaviors.

[00:03:13]>> This is a King Junkie production.

[00:03:16]>> [screaming] >> Let's take a look at an example. A young guy gets a job. He notices the hardest worker gets more work. The average worker gets average [music] work, and the guy who says he's overwhelmed gets left alone. Behavioral psychology has a term for this. It's called reinforcement. TikTok has a term for this. It's called boundaries. Now, before you guys roast me in the comments, sometimes [music] boundaries are absolutely necessary, but the point still stands. [music] People adapt to whatever gets rewarded, not what gets preached, but instead what gets reinforced.

[00:03:59]>> Hallelujah.

[00:04:03]>> This is a King Janky Production.

[00:04:05]>> You tell yourself you're going to wake up early, then the alarm goes off.

[00:04:11]You hit snooze, [music] and immediately you feel better. That's because a behavior got rewarded. [music] You escaped discomfort. You reinforce sleeping in. You tell yourself you're going [music] to start eating healthy, then someone brings donuts into work.

[00:04:27]You eat one, and it tastes amazing.

[00:04:30]>> Mhm.

[00:04:32]>> The behavior got reinforced. You tell yourself you're going to stop scrolling, [music] then your phone buzzes. You check it, and just like that, a tiny dopamine hit.

[00:04:43]Again, the behavior got reinforced. The brain is always learning. The problem [music] is it's learning from what you do, >> [screaming] [crying] >> not from what you say, and eventually the brain adapts. The behaviors [music] you repeat become easier over time. The behaviors you avoid become harder over time. The habits get stronger. The excuses get more convincing, [music] and before long people start calling your behavioral pattern [music] a personality trait. They start telling themselves, "I guess I'm just not disciplined."

[00:05:27]>> No.

[00:05:28]>> You just practice being [music] inconsistent.

[00:05:36]There's a difference. [music] Imagine someone who goes to the gym once a month. Would you call them an athlete?

[00:05:43]Probably not. Yet somehow there are still [music] grown men calling themselves athletes because they played JV soccer for 3 [music] weeks in 2009.

[00:05:56]Then why do people expect discipline from behaviors they barely practice?

[00:06:01]That's like expecting to [music] bench press 300 lb after watching motivational reels. The math ain't mathing, bro.

[00:06:08]You're a clown.

[00:06:12]>> [laughter] [cough and clears throat] >> Behavioral psychology [music] teaches something most people never learn. You don't become disciplined first. [music] You behave disciplined first. Then your identity catches up.

[00:06:28]The same thing happens in relationships.

[00:06:31][music] People want trust, but avoid difficult conversations.

[00:06:35]People want connection, but avoid vulnerability. People want respect, but avoid accountability. Then they wonder why the relationship isn't growing. The outcome they're chasing requires behaviors they're avoiding. And that's true for almost everything in life. Faith, fitness, relationships, business, content creation. Nobody gets the outcome [music] without the behavior first. And this is why, wait for it, ABA works. [music] ABA works, bro.

[00:07:12]ABA works, sis.

[00:07:17]>> No, sir.

[00:07:18]>> Not because it's magic. Not because behavior analysts have some [music] secret handbook hidden under a mountain somewhere. Although, that would be pretty cool.

[00:07:30]ABA works because [music] it focuses on behavior. Not wishes. Not intentions.

[00:07:36]Not motivational quotes posted over videos of lions [music] walking in slow motion. Just behavior that's observable, repeatable, measurable. It's that simple. Because a behavior changes consistently, [music] life eventually changes, too.

[00:07:54]And eventually, the brain adapts.

[00:07:58]The things that once felt difficult become normal. The things that once felt impossible become routine. [music] The person you wanted to become starts looking like the person you practiced through repetition. That's why change is not an event, it's a pattern.

[00:08:14]>> This is a King Junky Production.

[00:08:17]>> Most people are waiting to feel different [music] before they behave differently.

[00:08:22]Behavioral psychology teaches the opposite. [music] Behave differently long enough, and eventually you'll feel different. So, here's a challenge. Stop asking what [music] outcome do I want, and start asking, what behavior creates that outcome? Then ask yourself, am I actually [music] practicing that behavior, or am I just thinking about it? Because there's a big [music] difference. One creates change, the other creates frustration. [music] And the next time you catch yourself saying, I just need more motivation, remember this. Motivation comes and goes, [music] behavior stays. Because the person you're becoming tomorrow isn't decided by what you want. It's decided by what you [music] do through repetition. Every habit is a vote, and the behavior is rehearsal. And eventually, the brain adapts. The question isn't whether you're changing, the question is, what direction are you changing in?

[00:09:23]This has been King Junky Talks.

[00:09:26]Let me know what you ladies and gentlemen think.

[00:09:28]>> [music] >> You could look at it and say, I did that. I mean, it's pretty damn good.

[00:09:35]That's a great feeling.

[00:09:37]This is a King Junkie production.

[00:09:42]Shut up and write. Got it. Simple.

[00:09:46]Clear. Don't think. Just do it. You already heard the truth. Stan Lee almost gave up, but he didn't and Spider-Man was born. Shut up and move. Steve Jobs had an idea. People doubted him, but he kept going. Same goes for you.

[00:10:05]Shut up and act. Kobe Bryant woke up before everyone, trained when others slept, missed shots in silence, If you're not subscribed to King Junkie View, you probably won't see us again.