What if Your Nervous System is the REAL Problem?

[00:00:00]I am so excited to share this content with you today because honestly for me it was a total game changer. And so if you've been struggling to read your Bible consistently, but lately you feel distracted or exhausted or anxious or maybe just kind of numb and shut down.

[00:00:15]What if your nervous system is the real problem? Recently I attended a workshop called disciple your nervous system with Dr. Margaret Nagib and it completely changed how I think about anxiety, stress, emotional health and even spiritual growth. So today I am going to string together several clips of Dr. Nagib so that we can walk through this step-by-step and first let's talk about are we supposed to talk about this? Are we supposed to be thinking about our thoughts and psychology or again as Christians shouldn't we just crucify the the flesh, take on this renewed mind of Christ and move forward in life? So first things first, let's talk about is it okay to pursue psychology or therapy as a Christian? Let's look at 1 Thessalonians. Let's look at that word soul and it's the word psyche.

[00:01:03]>> Psyche.

[00:01:03]>> Which is where we get psychology. Mind, will and emotions, that's what psychology is. It's the study of the mind, the will and the emotions and the interplay of the three. So psychological health at its simplest form is integrity between what you think, feel and do.

[00:01:19]So why is this important to the church?

[00:01:21]Because the soul is the mediator between the spiritual realm and the physical realm. Right?

[00:01:29]>> Yeah.

[00:01:29]>> So I use the attention of my soul to turn my attention to my body or the physical senses and that's how I connect with the material. But I also use faith and discernment and I turn my mind towards spiritual things in order to receive from the spirit. So if the spirit is the mediator between body and spirit if if the >> So >> soul is the mediator then if the soul's not healthy >> Yeah.

[00:01:53]>> then that channel that's bringing in the communication from spirit and from body.

[00:01:58]It's going to It's going to affect the health of the body and it's going to affect the health of your spirit.

[00:02:04]So, the church needs to get the soul healthy so that we can be fully whole.

[00:02:10]>> I think that's one of the strengths of the time that we're living in. No longer do we just have to push all this stuff down. Our past hurts and pains and traumas, the things that we think about, the ideas that ruminate in our mind.

[00:02:25]Finally, there's a venue where we can talk about it and we can understand that the condition of our heart, the state of our mind, actually does affect how we perceive spiritual things, how we encounter the Lord, and how we operate from his truth in our lives. So, I want to encourage you today. I do think this is a worthwhile pursuit. And the follow-up question here is, does it seem like there's more anxiety and depression these days? Does it seem like so many people are struggling with it? Again, maybe, probably, statistically, you.

[00:03:01]And I think Dr. Margaret gives a really helpful answer to remove stigma, remove shame, and help us understand where anxiety and depression is coming from in this modern era.

[00:03:13]>> Well, anxiety and depression are are two forms of when we are beyond our capacity to cope.

[00:03:24]So, I think the reason why we're seeing so much of it right now is because, honestly, we've all been pushed beyond, you know, not just to our limits, but beyond our limits.

[00:03:35]>> Yeah.

[00:03:35]>> Um, and we're also in an unprecedented time where I'm not just dealing with my world, but because of social media, the news, and how quickly we get information, I'm also dealing with the world that I can't have any control over to much degree, you know, Ukraine for example.

[00:03:59]You know, there's only so much I can do.

[00:04:02]And so it weighs on us to hear not, you know, to deal with not just what's, you know, stress in your own life, but then the fact that we're also hearing all the political social from all around the world.

[00:04:18]And so when someone's anxious or depressed, you you've got a system, right? Your body, your soul, your spirit. You've got a system that is beyond is feeling like it can't cope.

[00:04:30]It's It's beyond what you can cope with.

[00:04:32]All of this is forcing us to get better and better processing our emotions as we go. Like we don't have the luxury anymore honestly, of letting things build up.

[00:04:44]There's There's too much coming at us too quickly. And so I think what this is highlighting for people who who are finding themselves more struggling more than normal is, oh man, I have to up my game.

[00:04:56]I have to up my game with really tending to this part of my being, which is the soul, the psyche. So depression is kind of the other side of the coin with unable to cope or overwhelmed and unable to cope. So one one thing that your nervous system system can do is go into hyperarousal, which is anxiety, which is overthinking, you can't sleep, you're you're amped up. But another thing, sometimes your body does the opposite, which is it slows down, you feel lethargic, you feel depressed, you feel hopeless, you feel like you don't have the energy to do important things in your life even though you want to do them. Like simple things become hard.

[00:05:40]Um the things you love to do, you're like, like they don't even they don't what used to kind of get you out of a mood, can't get you out of a mood.

[00:05:49]And so, think the opposite of anxiety, which is everything kind of slows down.

[00:05:53]And so, that's why you start to feel depressed, and hopeless, and powerless, and heavy. And I love the validation there that our world and the access that we have because of news, because of social media, again, even my family text thread.

[00:06:10]I never know what's going to be in there, if it's going to be cute pictures of kids on the last day of school, or if it's going to be scary about political things, or I even received a reel that was why you shouldn't eat chicken every day.

[00:06:24]So much coming at us from every angle, this is unprecedented. So, we're actually having to learn new tools and new ways of coping and then adjusting emotionally and regulating in this modern world because of all of the access of the media and social media and the information coming at us. Again, for me, I actually have a really hard and fast rule that I only watch as much news media as I can steward in peace and intercession.

[00:06:56]And so, I don't just watch the news every night as a habit. I actually intentionally only check in when I'm in a grounded place and I know that it's not going to overwhelm me, cause anxiety, lead to fear, but that I can steward in peace and in prayer. And so, for me, these last couple of years when my kids have been little, my sleep has been disrupted, it's it's no news media.

[00:07:21]I It finds you. The news finds you.

[00:07:23]Maybe you're in a more grounded place, or, you know, maybe intercession is a gift of yours, and so you have a higher capacity. And so, this is where we need to assess this for ourselves, but permission to curate the feed of the input of your life. Permission to know we're not designed to carry the weight of the world, and especially if you're experiencing those symptoms of anxiety or depression, it's a good reminder that these are some simple lifestyle changes that we can make in order to bring ourselves back into alignment. And I don't mean to oversimplify. I certainly don't mean to diagnose.

[00:07:57]>> [laughter] >> I I am no therapist, but I do think this was helpful to help us understand why it does seem like there's more anxiety right now, and I think this is perfectly logical. It's because more things are coming at us like never before. Okay, so let's talk about the nervous system and what role this plays in our everyday life, in anxiety, in our spirituality, and what it's doing on a day-to-day basis, and how it works.

[00:08:24]>> So, there's this beautiful department in your brain called neuroception, and it's constantly scanning the environment like a surveillance camera, just constantly. And it's just looking for any perceived threat so that it can help you. And at any moment, if it perceives a threat, it tells the nervous system to kick on by mobilizing energy to take care of the situation, right? So, neuroception decides which survival state you are going to go into.

[00:08:52]>> So, this idea of scanning, I love Dr. Margaret uses this analogy of the smoke detector in your home. It's always on if you have batteries in it, right? And as soon as it senses uh when I was growing up, the house I was growing up in, it always knew when we were using the oven cuz it would set off the smoke detector. And so, it's always scanning, and then when it gets a signal, it alerts, and then now she's going to talk about the different systems that it activates in your body.

[00:09:21]>> As much as I'd like to pick in that moment, you don't get to pick. It's unconscious and automatic. As you As you build capacity, you can have a little more control over that, but it's going to pick a survival state based on what it deems you need. So, the the survival states are fight, flight, freeze, and fawn.

[00:09:46]Or you can have complete collapse or what we call shutdown.

[00:09:51]So, fight is when your nervous system perceives that it would be better for you to be aggressive and fight for your safety.

[00:10:00]Flight is get out of here. Whatever costs, just leave.

[00:10:05]Freeze is an interesting thing. If fight and flight are gas, freeze is brake, but it can also be a little bit of both.

[00:10:17]It can be gas brake, and that's functional freeze.

[00:10:20]Where you're you're going like gas, but the brakes on, right? So, if you have gas and brake on, you're not going anywhere. So, for example, for all my and I'm one of them, for all my ruminators out there, my overthinkers, when you're stressed, think about that. That's gas.

[00:10:38]There's a lot going on in there, but it's brake. You're not going anywhere. You're not accomplishing anything. You're not even solving anything. You're just spinning, right?

[00:10:49]There can also just be freeze where you just kind of feel like you can't get motivated. You can't get going.

[00:10:55]And then complete collapse shutdown, you know, that's that doesn't happen as often. That's in cases where your system has decided we're preparing to die.

[00:11:05]There is no hope.

[00:11:06]Just shut it down.

[00:11:09]But that's pretty that's pretty rare.

[00:11:10]So, most people find themselves in fight, flight, freeze. And then fawn is this interesting kind of >> [sighs and gasps] >> survival state where it's similar to freeze. It's a type of freeze where you quickly discern kind of who's the authority in the room, and you acquiesce to that authority in order to be safe.

[00:11:31]So, that can look like people pleasing, but then later you go "What? Why did I do that?" You know? For me, this happens when I go get my hair done and they do it wrong and I just go into a peace and I give them a big tip.

[00:11:45]And then I get in my car and I'm like >> [laughter] >> "Why did I do that?" The minute I looked at my hair, I was like, "This is horrible." But, I I smiled and I gave her a big fat juicy tip and walked right out. And then when it was safe >> [laughter] >> I know. You can relate, can't you?

[00:12:05]And then when it was safe, cuz [laughter] I'm in my car And then the anger comes.

[00:12:13]>> [laughter] >> I have done that so many times with so many Oh my god, I'm laughing over here.

[00:12:19]I'm crying.

[00:12:21]>> [laughter] >> What like why help me? Like why >> [laughter] >> Why do we do that? Help us, cuz I know we're not the only ones here.

[00:12:31]>> some point at some point your nervous system associated threats with authority.

[00:12:39]And and you have to look at your own particular flavor of it. If you look back at all the times you did that. So, for me, it's it's authority, but it's also authority that I'm entrusting to take care of me.

[00:12:53]Right?

[00:12:55]It's not okay to speak up. It's not okay. Like you you acquiesce to authority. So, if you have any of that then you know, but you have to look at your situation and notice the thread and go, "Hey, do I have any wounds around that?

[00:13:10]Do I have any sense of it wasn't safe to speak up and just say, 'I don't like this.'"

[00:13:16]Yeah, no, that wasn't safe. Well, no wonder your nervous system has already associated threat with that.

[00:13:23]So, you know, that's so then you fawn.

[00:13:27]Cuz that's safer. It's always protection. It's always your body's wisdom. So, I get to my car and I know off I know enough to know, "Wow, I went into fawn in there."

[00:13:39]Yeah, I know that I do that especially in similar situations.

[00:13:44]Do I go back in? I'm still sitting in the parking lot. Do I go back in? No, I'm way too disregulated. You know what?

[00:13:50]I'm going to take care of myself first cuz my nervous system is still learning about this and then then we'll see. So, I get home and now I'm feeling what I what I what my nervous system told me I wasn't ready to feel in the salon.

[00:14:07]So, now I'm a letting myself cuz I'm aware and I'm going, "Okay, I'm here.

[00:14:12]It's safe."

[00:14:13]And then my system started feeling anger.

[00:14:17]And then I went, "Okay, I'm glad my system is feeling safe enough to feel anger A and B, it's feeling like I'm not going to override you."

[00:14:28]So, if you fall into that trap trap, it's probably because you override anger.

[00:14:34]So, it's it's less about the hair and it's more about anger's scary and I override it. And I'm angry right now and I can't handle it so my nervous system is yes, she can't handle it so go into fawn.

[00:14:46]So, then I have to go, >> [sighs] >> "Okay, it's okay to feel anger."

[00:14:51]Right? Whatever my my lie is, I have to hold the truth and help my body go, "You know what? It is safe. It's safe to be angry. It's okay to be angry about that."

[00:15:02]And then allow myself to feel that and then I had to help myself discharge all of that energy for fights that didn't get expelled cuz I just suppressed it in the moment.

[00:15:15]So, for me, you know, it's that like feeling when you're angry, right? So, I knew I needed some kind of physical release.

[00:15:25]So, one of my little hacks is I've got this little trampoline.

[00:15:31]And it works like magic for me when I have an activation, especially anger, cuz I don't love anger.

[00:15:36]So, I get on my trampoline for a little bit.

[00:15:39]And that helps me expel some of that energy that was mobilized for fight that really I just should I just cut it off in the moment.

[00:15:47]And now I can get back to a more regulated state. I'm still kind of upset, not crazy about it, but I'm not dysregulated. That energy that was mobilized to help me is now been expended.

[00:15:58]And now in my clear frontal lobe, because I'm regulated, right? I'm back to 70. Now I can say, "Okay, Margaret, what do we want to do about this?"

[00:16:09]I know that my history has said it's not okay for you to speak up, but I don't want to live that way anymore.

[00:16:15]And so, what what how we can we honor you want to honor other people. She was a sweet lady. She wasn't trying to wreck your day.

[00:16:25]How can we honor her, but also honor this anger?

[00:16:31]And so, yeah. So, I picked up the phone the next day and said, "Hey, this is what happened. This is really hard for me. What you know, and just let her know."

[00:16:41]>> I think a lot of women can relate to this. And so, she covered a lot of ground there. Let's just quickly unpack again the concept. So, the concept is your nervous system is constantly scanning your environment looking for danger again, like the smoke detector.

[00:16:56]When something triggers it, like a bad haircut, but now you're anticipating that conflict, it could be you look at your bank account and it's worse than you thought. It could be you're waiting for the to find out if you got the job or if for medical results. You get a frantic call from one of your children. Something registers in your nervous system that we have to activate. And so, immediately and without your consent, by the way, your body actually activates energy for fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. It's it's getting ready to act. Now, the key is that then, if we don't have to fight, if we don't have to run away, if we don't use that energy, we actually have to find a way to discharge it. And this is what most of our lives are missing now. It used to be actually when you would work in the garden, you would knead your own bread, you would churn butter, you would iron your clothes, that you were actually doing physical things daily that helped to release that energy naturally. Even animals in the wilderness, if they've had an extreme experience like that, they'll start shaking involuntarily. Or this is if you come upon an accident scene and see someone shaking, their body intuitively is expelling that energy. But now, in our domesticated and modern lives, we actually have to find ways to re-regulate or finish that arc of the energy that was released in our bodies and find ways to dispel that energy. And so, that's where Margaret was talking about like her little trampoline. And so, now I want to go into another clip that talks about how we do this on a daily basis because when we get back to regulated is when we get back to peace, we get back to having energy for the things we desire like spiritual growth or Bible study. Or it could even be just, you know, more healthy relationships with your family or more focus at work. When we can work through that energy cycle and that response, then we can live at a more regulated and peaceful state. Let me show you how you now can regulate. Okay. Number one, you're going to get a lot more information of what's happening inside.

[00:19:08]And then, we're going to practice the very first thing you want to do when you get triggered, when you catch it, is to now regulate your body.

[00:19:15]So, you know, if you're noticing, say someone says, "My chest is really tight.

[00:19:19]My heart's is racing." Okay. So, can you breathe? Right? Cuz when your heart's racing and your chest is tight, you're not breathing.

[00:19:26]So, we're going to breathe.

[00:19:27]We're going to relax our body.

[00:19:29]Turn your attention towards your chest.

[00:19:31]What's the sensation? Can you describe it? Uh it's really tight. Okay, now just be with the sensation, breathe through it. When you pay attention to it and you breathe through it, you're actually allowing it to complete instead of just get stuck there. When you're at work, it's a little trickier it's getting stuck. And you're going to have to deal with it later. But when you're at home, you probably have a little more leeway where you can say, "Hey, give me a minute. Go to the bathroom." Sit down, focus on the sensation, breathe through it, and then notice what kind of happens with the energy that's being mobilized for fight or flight. So, if it's flight energy, you're going to want to kind of shake it out instead of it just sit there in your body.

[00:20:10]>> Got it.

[00:20:10]>> fight energy, you know, it might feel a little it might still be shake it out, but more in a like kind of aggressive way. But all of that is just helping your body. Everything that mobilized for the threat, you're allowing it to release, but you're also teaching yourself it's okay. This is a three, it's not a 10.

[00:20:27]>> Yeah.

[00:20:27]>> You can put your hand on your heart and just hold your hand on your heart. That sends a message to your nervous system that you're actually safe.

[00:20:34]Um that this is not a war zone.

[00:20:36]>> Mhm.

[00:20:36]>> But you're just going to breathe, slow down your body, try to relax and release any energy that was mobilized in a way that feels good to your body.

[00:20:49]>> I notice that for me, getting all four of my kids into the car is actually really stressful. It's like, "Get your shoes on. Get your jacket. Get your water bottle." Whatever it might be. And it's like, "Okay, wait. Where are you?

[00:21:01]Where's this child? What happened? Okay.

[00:21:03]Wait, let your sister in first." And gets everybody buckled. And so, when I get into the driver's seat finally, then I tell myself like, "Okay, there's you're not being chased by a bear. You are okay." I just let myself I take a few deep breaths, let myself come back down from that energy. And a lot of times then at the end of the day, especially if you find yourself again a little on edge, your thoughts ruminating, or maybe extremely lethargic at the end of the day, just taking a moment to check in with your body. I'll notice that my shoulders feel tight, and then it just feels good to just kind of roll them back. My hands get tight, and it just feels good to kind of do this.

[00:21:40]Dr. Margaret says that you only have to expend about 10% of the energy to get the benefits. And so, sometimes some of these simple movements at the end of the day, this actually feels really good right now.

[00:21:51]>> [laughter] >> I'm I'm just going to keep doing this during the next clip. Uh helps us to release some of that energy, but let's also talk about how we can regulate with others.

[00:22:02]>> You know, this is where you want to get to know people. So, I I love to ask the question cuz usually with a couple, one of them is uh touch, their love language is touch. I'm like, "Ah, her love language is touch. This is easy." You know, she's dysregulated, just grab her hand.

[00:22:18]>> Yeah.

[00:22:19]>> You know, and I've seen that happen in a session. You just grabbed and the person just starts to go.

[00:22:23]>> Wow.

[00:22:24]>> So, um there's ways other people can regulate with you. There's ways you can coregulate your family, you know? So, I watch my I watch my brother and and my sister-in-law do this with their kids.

[00:22:34]They have naturally started some traditions like on a Friday night where they watch movies, and I watch the whole family just >> Wow.

[00:22:43]>> been a week, and they don't even know they're doing this, you know? I'm sitting there analyzing going, "Oh, they're coregulating, and they don't even know it, you know?"

[00:22:48]>> That's so intriguing.

[00:22:49]>> that when they sit down with a movie as a family, not just put the iPad in front of the kids, that that regulates the whole family.

[00:22:58]>> Wow.

[00:22:58]>> think about your family. What are the things that we do that we watch the whole family come back into alignment.

[00:23:03]What are the things we do as a couple?

[00:23:05]Right? What are the things that I do at work? You know?

[00:23:08]>> Wow. Isn't that so interesting? Here's one more clip about how we kind of regulate and also respond differently uh with different family members.

[00:23:17]>> When my When my dad had cancer, my sister and I were the ones sitting at the bedside by him. And And our nervous systems could tolerate that, even though that was hard to watch. My brother couldn't, and he was the one getting stuff done. And I was so grateful for that, cuz my nervous system was like, "I can't look at I can't I can't."

[00:23:35]So, I there's a wisdom in our nervous system, even though there's limitations as well. And so, if you can just recognize that, it's okay to be in that state. But at what point, if it's the end of the day before you go to bed, cuz at this point you can't do anything, right?

[00:23:51]That you purposefully, intentionally say, "And now we come back together."

[00:23:57]And now we coregulate.

[00:23:59]>> Yeah.

[00:24:00]>> Where it's I can regulate on my own, but it's 10 times more powerful if I call up my girlfriend, and it's 20 times more powerful if you have a spouse.

[00:24:10]>> Right.

[00:24:11]>> So, you have this ability, we call it pair bonding. I love psychology and all our little terms, right? But you have this ability now to come back together and coregulate, and there's something about that that's so healing for us.

[00:24:26]And so, to not forget that, to to make sure you have times that you do that.

[00:24:30]And so, we forget the power of that. We want to do We want to fix. We want to But there's so much power and so much healing and recognizing that we heal each other as we coregulate.

[00:24:41]>> I know this can be hard, because if we don't have healthy marriage or family dynamics, or if we live alone, it's like, "What do you want me to do?" Well, A, you can phone a friend, so that's good to know. But B, it also just shows that we are made for others. Again, I think the greatest lie of our generation is that we can or should do it alone.

[00:25:01]And this comes to our emotional health, this comes to our relational health, this comes to our spiritual health. We need others, and we need others to help us coregulate, we need them to challenge us and refine us and teach us. And so this just is one more reason why we need to ask the Lord to help heal heal relationships, our family dynamics, to bring us like-minded friends and sisters, and to just value and put work and time toward finding safe people in our lives that can help us, support us, encourage us, and coregulate us. So, I don't want to leave you without some helpful tools. First things first, Dr. Margaret's book is outstanding and it leads you through this process of understanding kind of your nervous system, but also what are some of the things in my life, maybe the mindsets, that cause that smoke detector to go off. And so, for example, I was noticing if look at my metrics for YouTube, my bank account, my membership community, it would cause me stress. And I think that's when it would be stored in my hands, isn't that weird? And so, I had to actually find a new mindset, and I I've been talking about this with Bible study backwards of like, "Oh, wait, I'm co-laboring in my father's business.

[00:26:15]This is the Lord's, and I'm just his daughter, and I'm working with him, and it's his responsibility to carry." And that book actually helped me identify that. And so, I'll I'll put the link for it below. It was actually free with my Kindle Unlimited membership, so that's a really great resource. And then here's another one that I want to make sure that you know about. But also, I know you have some a course that would kind of help them if somebody's like, "I just want to know more, I want to learn more.

[00:26:39]This is the first time hearing of this.

[00:26:41]Wow, I'm mind-blown." What could they do? Where can they find more information from you on the topic?

[00:26:45]>> great privilege of partnering with Danny Silk to create this course for his Life Academy. You will find a course called Overcoming Overwhelm.

[00:26:54]>> Okay.

[00:26:54]>> And it looks at the three major sources of when we have a reaction to a threat.

[00:26:59]So, it will look at triggers, but it will also talk to you about stress and trauma because they all have the same nervous system reaction for different reasons.

[00:27:08]And you deal with them similarly, but different. So, you'll get three three for the price of one if you just go and >> Incredible. Overcoming Overwhelm.

[00:27:16]>> Overcoming Overwhelm.

[00:27:17]>> That's amazing.

[00:27:18]>> Yeah.

[00:27:19]>> And then also I'll link to Dr. Margaret's website, too, with more resources resources about coaching and weekly sessions where she actually leads through these kind of grounding exercises. And so, I'll make sure to link to all of that below. So, don't be overwhelmed.

[00:27:35]>> [laughter] >> But, if you're noticing it, wow, I am always on edge. I always am just have a little bit of that nervous energy. It's hard for me to sleep cuz my mind is racing. This could be a secret. Or again, on the opposite side, if I feel like a dark cloud is always hanging over me and I don't have the energy that I see other people have, again, this could point to something with the nervous system. And so, I hope this is helpful.

[00:27:58]Again, it's been super helpful to me.

[00:28:01]Just kind of it really did feel like the missing piece between my spiritual health, my physical health, and my emotional health. And I feel like finally, they're all really coming into harmony. And so, I hope it's encouraging for you. And so, Father, I thank you for this time. Lord, I pray that you would lead each one of us in wisdom. Lord, we are in these earthly bodies for this time on Earth. And so, will you give us wisdom? Will you give us understanding?

[00:28:27]And will you lead us in peace? Finding peace in our nervous system. Lord, peace in our hearts and peace in our minds.

[00:28:34]And [music] Lord, many of us, almost all of us have past hurts or pains, things that were done to us that [music] were outside of our control, or things that we've done that we're filled with regret or shame. We have difficult relationships. We have places we have tried so hard. Lord, we have things that we [music] are trying desperately to hold together or carry on our own. And so, Lord, will you help us? Will you guide us? By your Holy Spirit, will you lead us and strengthen [music] us and lead us in all truth? Lead us in your comfort and care. And Lord, [music] help us to know that you are near and that you are good and you love us deeply. So, I thank you for this time [music] and I bless each one of us now in Jesus' name.

[00:29:15]Amen.

[00:29:23]>> [music]