Getting railed and impaled by anxiety disorder

[00:00:00]Hello everyone. This is a video because I'm not sure what else to do. I feel like I have like some form of flu or something. And today it's going to be a little bit more organized as I wanted to talk about I guess I don't know how to put this without it being cringey, but I guess the harsh realities of living with like an anxiety issue. Or I don't know if it's a disorder or whatever the heck you want to call it, but the reason why I'm laying in my bed right now is because like I'm in a very, I guess um they they call it like an aroused state and not like, you know, gooner aroused, but just like agitation and whatnot. I'm in the bed because I'm trying to like reset my mind so I can go back to working and uh I'm sitting here because like I know if I push it right now, like I will not be able to like make anything and it's just going to like make the state worse and whatnot. And I've I've tried pushing through it, but like usually it's just better to just like try to like reset my mind so like I can get back into it as uh yeah, if I try to push it usually just doesn't work. So we're in bed and I do want to work right now and I want to make like the cutouts and like the 3D uh papercraft sculptures because I believe in uh the sense of my potential. I haven't like really fulfilled like what I can make in those two avenues. Like there are still bigger cutouts that I feel like I can make.

[00:01:38]There are still more complex and impressive like 3D papercraft models I can make. But I can't really do any of that right now because um yeah, I know if we push it's it's just not going to work and yeah, it's it's just it's just going to be really bad if we try to like do it. So, we're in bed and that's what we're doing and we're making this video because, you know, I don't know. I I I guess these will be interesting for myself in the future, maybe. I don't know. Or I'm going to be like, "Bro is like a little whiner and whatnot and whatnot."

[00:02:16]And he's just like being like a crazy man, you know?

[00:02:20]Um Anyways, so so we're here and uh I just wanted to talk about this.

[00:02:26]So, it's very interesting. I think that like we have we're we're very grounded and reasonable, but we still get like caught up with like this this nonsense in the sense of you know, we we want ourselves to work and um we we can't make anything. And what I mean by reasonable is that we're not like we're not like crazy, if that makes sense. We're not being like, "Ooh, hoo, hoo." You know, we're not like crying or like saying anything that's untrue about ourselves, like, you know, we're worthless or, you know, a lot of the stuff that like you know, a lot of you know, a a a lot of people with depression have. It's more just like you know, we have these issues where it's like we we try to make stuff and then it just feels like God himself just like threw a lightning bolt at you or something. We get this insane anxiety that comes from literally nowhere and we can recognize we can recognize how irrational it is, but then but there's nothing really you can do about it. So, then we're just in this state where we're like making this video. We're just wasting time and we're just hoping like it passes. And that's like the only thing that we can do.

[00:03:45]Um so, that's what I'm doing right now.

[00:03:48]Um I'm I'm just like making this video and like I I want to make videos and I want to make shorts and I want to make the cutouts and the 3D models, but we just can't really right now. And like this is an issue where it's like I get a lot of people are going to say, "Well, just like wait it out." But this literally happens like every single day and whatnot, which is like so which is the reason why I'm I'm a little bit perturbed about it because if it were something that like only happened like once a year, I'd be like, "Okay, fine.

[00:04:22]Like, you know, we can just wait it out." But this thing, whatever it is, this mental anxiety or whatever you want to call it, this you know, disturbance, it happens every single day and it kills about 80% of my time and I'm just like not able to like produce anything because um we're too mentally distraught to do anything even though nothing is wrong, which is why I've been looking into potentially getting on SSRIs because I don't know what's wrong with uh my brain in a nutshell. Like obviously, as you can see, this or I mean, if you see my videos, we're obviously not in a situation of um hardship when it comes to having to survive or being in a job we hate, but we're still getting, you know, railed by biology and it's uh or whatever you want to call it. I don't even know um what it is and we're in this situation where it's just like, you know, life is in it it's not fun right now because we want There is so much we want to do. It is like broad daylight right now, as you can see right there. We have everything, but the brain is just like, "We're going to put you in intense anxiety so you can't do anything right now even though you want to like you know reach and strive for your goals. So now you just have to sit here and like do nothing because if you push then like we're going to just make it worse for you. And yeah, that's why that's that's what we're doing right now.

[00:06:03]And I I just sometimes I go crazy because I I don't know what's wrong with like the brain, you know, the brain or whatever it is.

[00:06:13]Um I think honestly a lot of it is like thinking about like this stuff, you know, the the mere act of thinking about it like makes it worse because then it's like you get these reinforced beliefs that like something may actually be off with you or whatever. But um yeah, and I have to probably end this video because I have to see where my food is. I ordered some food to feel better, but we're we're trying now and I guess like the only I this is the only thing I can do right now. So that's why we're doing it. And um yeah, I I really want to make some some really cool stuff, you know, but it's it's tough, man.

[00:06:50]So I'm going to check on the food now.