Your Kid Might be a Resilient Rebel

[00:00:00]Does it feel like your kid doesn't respect anything you say? Like you tell them don't throw that toy and they grab the toy, look at you in the eye, and throw it across the room, and then maybe laugh after? Look, let's take a deep breath together because I promise your kid isn't a sociopath. I think your kid is like my kid. I call him a resilient rebel where the core thing to understand about him is he actually fears a loss of control. And so when I come at him in an intense controlling way, if I used a threat or a punishment, it's only like he has more to prove and then he escalates his behavior. Here are three steps to follow if you have a resilient rebel. Number one, set a true boundary.

[00:00:36]Instead of saying don't throw that toy, embody your authority. Walk over, grab the toy, and just say, "I'm not going to let you throw that toy." Two, tolerate your kid's reaction. They're going to escalate. They're going to scream.

[00:00:48]They're going to try to draw you into a power struggle. Say less.

[00:00:53]Just keep your body calm and get through that moment. And then step three, think about a hard situation where your kid is engaging in bad behavior and then challenge yourself to help them build a skill they don't have so they can actually engage in better behavior.

[00:01:08]Those are three key steps for resilient rebels.