The Invisible Side of Living in Japan

[00:00:00]There's an invisible stress that can build up when you live in a foreign country. It's not homesickness or even unhappiness, and most of the time you probably don't notice it at all. It builds up slowly through thousands of tiny moments, reading between the lines, trying to understand what's expected, switching languages, watching how other people behave, and wondering whether you understood something correctly or whether you've missed an unspoken rule.

[00:00:30]What's invisible is that behind the scenes your brain is working harder than you realize.

[00:00:37]Recently, I was chatting to one of my students and they described it as a kind of unconscious stress that comes from living abroad. The idea has stayed with me a lot because I started to wonder whether this invisible mental load had been quietly building in me, too.

[00:00:56]It's Friday afternoon and I've just finished work for the week. And I need to put Millie into the cat hotel to give her a bit more practice before I head off to Australia. I did all my washing first up this morning so that I could take this weekend and have a little bit of time for myself. I wouldn't normally leave Millie in the cat hotel overnight.

[00:01:18]She'd probably be a lot happier staying at home, but I want her to get used to the place still because soon I'll be going to Australia for a couple of weeks and I need to know that she's happy.

[00:01:30]So, this weekend I'm stepping away from home for one night. I'm going to slow everything down and I'm going to pay attention to what I might have stopped noticing because living abroad can quietly wear you down.

[00:01:44]I felt like I just needed to escape my normal routine even though there's nothing actually wrong.

[00:01:51]I'm actually still here in Wakayama and at the Wakayama Shi Station. There are two main stations in Wakayama, and this is the station where the big library and Starbucks is, and I'm staying at Kandeo Hotel.

[00:02:07]This video is not sponsored by the hotel at all, but if you are looking to come to Wakayama, I want to show you a great place that you could stay. It's got these amazing views. This is the lobby floor, which is also the floor the restaurant's on, and you get to see all of the way out to the port and right down the Kinokawa River. It's a just magnificent place. I live just down there, actually, so it was really cool to have a bird's-eye view of where I live.

[00:02:36]But the main reason I chose this hotel is I got on their website thinking I need to just get away, and they have an amazing onsen, which I'm going to show you at about midnight tonight, cuz that's when I can get access to film.

[00:02:50]But also, the other reason is they have a over 50's plan, a special plan for people with highly discounted rates for anyone over 50, and that suits me perfectly.

[00:03:05]I just can't remember the last time I truly switched off. I mean, not a holiday, not a trip with a long list of places to film, but just a little bit of space to breathe. So, I've made that decision to come here.

[00:03:21]I actually made very, very little plans, and it was a last-minute decision, especially seeing as the cat hotel agreed to take Millie last minute. I just wanted to wander through the library, browse a few of the shops. I don't want to buy anything. I just want to have a look at things.

[00:03:39]I also left my laptop behind, and I thought there's no pressure to be productive. I just want to walk around and stop caring the weight of my usual routine for a little while.

[00:03:54]Living overseas is an incredible experience, and I am so grateful that I'm in this position now where I can live here in Japan. People often talk about the obvious challenges. Like there's things like language, there's paperwork, being far away from family, learning to fit into a different culture, and those things are definitely real. In my case, some of those challenges weren't so bad, particularly cuz I've lived in Japan before, and I worked as a Japanese language teacher in my own country.

[00:04:27]But I think there's something else that doesn't get talked about very often, and that's the bit that I'm thinking about at the moment. It's the invisible part, the part that becomes your normal.

[00:04:41]Over time, you stop noticing how many extra decisions you're making every day.

[00:04:47]You stop noticing that your brain is constantly reading, translating, adapting, and paying attention.

[00:04:57]You become used to second-guessing yourself, trying to understand what's expected, and navigating a world that wasn't actually designed how you're used to. So none of those moments really feel difficult individually, but after months and then years, I started wondering whether they add up a little bit. Maybe even they start taking a toll.

[00:05:26]The 85-year-old student that I mentioned earlier had actually lived overseas in America for a long number of years, and he recognized unconscious stress in himself and a couple of his colleagues that were also in the same situation. He asked me if I'd been feeling anything like what he he when he was living overseas, and that's probably exactly the moment when it hit me and I had an answer to what I'd been feeling for a little bit.

[00:05:53]It really made me stop and ask myself a question. After living in Japan for a few years, have I simply become so used to this way of life that I've stopped noticing what it's asking of me?

[00:06:09]Stepping outside my routine just to see things a little bit more clearly, I want to explore what I've been thinking. In many ways, those challenges you feel when you move to a new country start to disappear the longer you live here. And Japan has gradually felt more like home to me now. I have a job I love. I've got some good friends. I've got my house which is renovated and a life that I'm really grateful for. But maybe that's exactly why it's so easy to overlook what's happening in the background.

[00:06:44]Because living overseas doesn't stop asking your brain to adapt. Every day there are still little things that happen like reading a letter that arrives in the mailbox, making a phone call in Japanese, trying to understand a conversation that might be moving a little bit too quickly in the local dialect, just remembering that customs and etiquette don't come naturally as someone who grew up here.

[00:07:12]I bought myself some very naughty snacks. Something I never ever do.

[00:07:16]Salted caramel pistachio gelato. That sounds divine. I have to stay up to midnight as I said before cuz that's when I get access to the onsen. So I had myself lots of little snacks, watched some trash TV, and now I get access and I can bring you along. This is what it looks like in the daytime, but we're here at midnight. I really wanted to be able to film, but you could never film inside an onsen during regular hours, and I just wanted to show you how nice it is even at night to be in a bath outside with all of the fresh air looking at the city lights. It's I can't explain the experience, but for me it's so so relaxing.

[00:07:57]It's exactly what I needed just to let go of some of the stress I've been hanging on to.

[00:08:05]Probably most of the time I don't think about these things much anymore. I just do them. But maybe that's the point.

[00:08:14]When something becomes your normal, you stop noticing the effort that it's taking. It's a bit like carrying a backpack. If someone handed it to you today, you'd notice the weight. But if you wore it every day for years, eventually it would just feel like part of you, and you'd forget that you're carrying the weight.

[00:08:37]I wonder if living overseas is a little bit like a backpack. It's not heavy enough to stop you living your life.

[00:08:46]It's not obvious enough for you to complain about. That backpack is just going to be quietly sitting in the background, but it asks your mind to work a little bit harder every single day.

[00:08:58]I don't have all the answers, but I wanted to spend this weekend just paying attention, slowing down, and stepping out of that routine.

[00:09:10]With a bit of time to think, I decided that it's probably been a cognitive load, and that's the amount of mental effort your brain is constantly using.

[00:09:22]When you're living in your own country, a lot of life happens on autopilot. You don't have to think about how to answer the phone or what the unwritten rules are. You've been born there and you know what it is. But when you're living overseas, it definitely is different.

[00:09:37]Your brain is constantly filling in the little gaps. You're listening a little bit harder. I find myself double-checking that I've understood and also having, I guess, hyper-vigilance.

[00:09:50]It's not fear, it's just a hyper-awareness that you're always observing and watching how other people are doing things. Even after years in Japan, I still catch myself doing that.

[00:10:03]And there's one more thing I was thinking about, and that's probably decision fatigue. And by the end of a work day, you've probably made hundreds of tiny decisions that a lot of people around you may never have needed to think about. Some of them are about language, like am I needing to use polite in this situation? Is casual okay? Some are about culture. Some are simply because life is busy. I mean, I am teaching, filming, editing, and looking after my home. And I think, you know, all of these decisions uh one by one are not bad. In fact, I really love making these decisions and and the life that I've built here, but they all ask something of you, little by little, day by day. And perhaps that's why I felt drawn to this weekend, not cuz I want to escape Japan, quite the opposite. I just want to slow down enough to appreciate it again.

[00:11:01]Interesting part is the very things that drain us might also be the things that quietly change us for the better. So, maybe this invisible effort isn't just taking something from us, maybe it's giving us something, too. Living overseas has definitely taught me to become comfortable with the uncomfortable. I've had to ask for help.

[00:11:25]I've had to make mistakes. I've had to laugh at myself more times than I can count. And somewhere along the way, I did stop worrying so much about looking foolish and hence making YouTube videos of myself. I think it also makes you more curious and and instead of assuming your way is the only way, you get to learn something new and be open to learning something new. Can ask yourself, why do people do it this way and what can I learn from it? Learning a language really does teach you a lot about a different culture and that's why I created my Japanese course. I'm a qualified high school teacher. I've also been an instructor for the Japan America Society teaching adults. I've also facilitated a number of language workshops. You can check out some of the reviews on my website.

[00:12:18]>> Japanese language with Cheeni Japan.

[00:12:20]>> Just want to say thank you to Cheeni for creating this Japanese course. I'm really enjoying it so far.

[00:12:24]>> Very, very reasonably priced.

[00:12:26]>> And we're also doing her Japanese language course.

[00:12:29]>> The course starts at the very beginning which is phonics and I'm there guiding you through all of the lessons step by step. You can do the course via your laptop, your iPad or even your phone.

[00:12:41]There is a printable workbook that you work through as you follow along in the course. There's a great chat room as well where you can talk to other students. www.cheenijapan.com This weekend has let me reset and clarity to make one small decision that I hope will make a big difference. Next week, I'm stepping outside my comfort zone and I'm joining a gym for the very first time. I'm going to bring you along for that. So until then, thank you so much for coming along with me and I'll see you again in the next video. Bye.