Broken Homes & Broken Families | How We Destroyed Romantic Relationships

[00:00:09]You know, the last time we sat and had this chat, um I was quite emotional before I started.

[00:00:15]And I was hoping that I wouldn't cry.

[00:00:18]I'm not saying I'm going to cry today, but it's still quite an emotive topic to me and I I think I need to add this disclaimer because I do not this I do know that this topic triggers people.

[00:00:29]The last time I sat, the thumbnail ended up being how we screwed up relationships. I wanted to write how we [ __ ] up relationships, but you never know with double YouTube these days.

[00:00:38]They might penalize us or whatever.

[00:00:42]But we have messed up relationships. And look, it's not just us.

[00:00:46]I think now I'm part of um older generation. Uh I'm not the youth anymore. I'm 40 years old this year.

[00:00:53]Shout out to me.

[00:00:55]Um I've got children. And at the age I'm at, I could argue we have a 20-year-old.

[00:01:01]They could be like, well, we're the youth. We're the young generation. So, I think I'm the second to youngest generation. So, it becomes tricky for me to blame like parents and grandparents now.

[00:01:12]But I I can blame my parents and grandparents for messing it up.

[00:01:17]But our children, my children, some of you young people that watch me, it's for you to look at us and to ask, how the [ __ ] did you guys [ __ ] this [ __ ] up so bad?

[00:01:29]And in the spirit of accountability, in the spirit of being a father, I mean, [ __ ] I want my kids to live better than me. I want them to have healthier relationship relationships than me.

[00:01:41]So, it's incumbent upon me to introspect, study society, study history, and see if I can offer something better.

[00:01:56]Because in 20 years' time, I'll I'll be an old man. I'll be 60.

[00:02:02]That's when really young people are going to be like, "Yeah, what am cool?"

[00:02:09]You can't be like, "I feel that to cool or go." It's going to be like, "No, dog.

[00:02:15]You're the [ __ ] elder.

[00:02:17]You must have an answer.

[00:02:19]You can't now shift blame to people that are dead and gone.

[00:02:24]I'm so grown and it makes me sad that my age mates, let's call it 35 to 45, let's call it that range.

[00:02:34]We haven't really taken ownership of our place in society.

[00:02:40]If you follow see and do people look to you to be like, "Well, you're 40.

[00:02:46]You should have an idea of why we are doing these things.

[00:02:50]You should have an idea of why we slaughter, why we going to the ancestors.

[00:02:54]What does we am some mean? I am a loser and you you have to.

[00:03:00]If you're religious, if you're Christian, you can't still be Hey, I don't know, man. Maybe you're you're old, dog.

[00:03:08]So, I really do urge my age mates, let's call it 35 to 45.

[00:03:16]We really really really need to start taking ownership for our reality. Thank you very much, sir.

[00:03:25]Because you can't be telling your kids you don't know.

[00:03:29]You can't be telling your kids to ask like, "Dog, and you what the [ __ ] are you?"

[00:03:37]And in the messing up of relationships, we messed up the family structure.

[00:03:44]A healthy and strong and clear and visionary family is the cornerstone of any thriving society.

[00:03:53]If you find a thriving society somewhere, by society I mean like a group of people that are doing well.

[00:03:58]When you say the Jews and the Muslims are rich and they healthy. When you speak about a certain nation, you have to take it back all the way to the the foundational building block which is the family. Of course it's made up of individuals, mom, dad, kids.

[00:04:14]But it's the family.

[00:04:16]Again, mom, dad, they need to be healthy.

[00:04:20]And then they bring a child into this world and they raise a healthy child.

[00:04:23]And then that family with other families in a society build this foundation that you now can become rich and successful and healthy and beautiful and travel the world.

[00:04:37]We [ __ ] that up.

[00:04:39]And it's because so many of us have no sense of self.

[00:04:47]We have no clear identity of who we are.

[00:04:51]And we have been told so disturbed in our belief system that we don't really know where we're going.

[00:05:03]So, British colonization happened.

[00:05:05]You know, we can reference Jan van Riebeeck. Before him we had um Bartholomew Diaz.

[00:05:14]Uh Vasco da Gama.

[00:05:16]Portuguese blokes.

[00:05:18]We had your Jan van Riebeeck but that much guys. Other guys came, the British.

[00:05:22]Let's call it 1652.

[00:05:25]Not 1752.

[00:05:27]Not 1852.

[00:05:29]Not 1952.

[00:05:32]Like Yes, as we speak in hundreds of years now.

[00:05:37]They came and they obviously disrupted a way of living that we have been or that we had been a seeing to.

[00:05:43]They brought Christianity.

[00:05:45]You fast forward to today hundreds of years later and we speak about apartheid and colonization all those things but I'm 40 and I can tell you in my 40 years of existence I've managed to be able to go through school get good grades get good jobs start businesses be self-employed make my own money travel the world get to wear nice clothes get to have my own children get to meet really nice women get to meet amazing people make a bit of money But now when you ask me about like my beliefs when you ask me about like where's my wife now it's like yeah but colonialism and apartheid like the excuses And one of the things I did raise in the last video was the lack of accountability is the number one reason why we will not get anywhere.

[00:06:38]It's nice English words accountability.

[00:06:42]Accountability is owning your life.

[00:06:46]It's owning your decisions.

[00:06:48]And it's saying the reason I'm here in this room with this amazing cup of hot chocolate from Black Grind sitting with Tlholo and Nokeketo is because I I chose to come here.

[00:07:00]I have agency I made a decision I woke up in the morning I could have slept.

[00:07:05]I could have gone for a hike.

[00:07:07]I could have gone to see girls.

[00:07:09]I could have decided that I want to have a 9-5 I could be at work today. I could be running a certain business I could be running my business.

[00:07:16]I could have gotten on a flight and flown somewhere in South Africa somewhere out of the country but I'm here.

[00:07:23]I'm accountable for my decision to be here.

[00:07:26]I'm accountable for the English that I speak versus uKulumisulu or Afrikaans to praat it's me.

[00:07:34]So anything that follows from here is me.

[00:07:38]The woman I decide to be with is me.

[00:07:41]The the woman I I lay with without a condom and that I ejaculate inside of, that's me.

[00:07:47]The child that's born that has no agency really cuz they don't really know what the [ __ ] going on.

[00:07:52]The food they have to eat, the house they need to sleep in, the clothes they have to wear, that's me. They are a consequence of my decisions.

[00:08:00]When my child asks me questions like, "Why do I have to go to school? But why are we not going to church?

[00:08:06]Um why are we slaughtering this animal?"

[00:08:09]That's me.

[00:08:11]I must take ownership.

[00:08:13]I can't be blaming my dad and my mom and yeah, but to Shaka and no, but the South African government and the constitution.

[00:08:23]Because in this same country I'm living in now, there are people that are the exact same age as me, black, Zulu, come from poorer circumstances than me, that are killing it, that are multi-millionaires, super famous, have an amazing shape, have great bodies, are in very sound, healthy marriages, have got three kids, their kids are at private schools, they run an immaculate business and they're very clear about who they are.

[00:08:53]Whether they go to church every Sunday and read their Bible every day, whether they follow EC into and they're like, "This is who I am. I'm clear."

[00:09:07]They don't make the same excuses as me.

[00:09:10]Because they have accountability.

[00:09:17]Society doesn't have accountability.

[00:09:28]So, these are some of the notes I went through last time and I added a few more.

[00:09:34]I'm going to touch on some of the ones I maybe didn't go into hard enough and then I'll go into the ones that I added today.

[00:09:42]Romantic relationships are broken.

[00:09:44]We have too much freedom without responsibility.

[00:09:51]We're constantly [ __ ] on religion and culture.

[00:09:54]We have a lack of accountability from both men and women. It's very easy for genders to point fingers at each other.

[00:10:04]We're struggling to decide if we're going to have a union, commitment, romantic relationship.

[00:10:09]And if we are going to legalize, formalize our union of commitment, whether we're going to follow Ubuntu, whether we're going to follow religion like Christianity or Islam, whether we're going to follow modernism, which is premised on feminism, gender equality, women having agency, and merit.

[00:10:29]The person who makes the most money becomes the biggest provider.

[00:10:33]The person who's the best nurturer gets to spend more time with the kids.

[00:10:37]And we're not holding on to so-called patriarchal systems like religion and culture or Ubuntu.

[00:10:44]Co-parenting is trash. I touched on that a bit.

[00:10:47]Step-parenting is dangerous. Touched on that a bit as well.

[00:10:51]Children belong to women.

[00:10:53]I didn't get to that and people like Gaybaba, "What do you mean children belong to women / mothers?"

[00:10:59]So, that's what I raised last time and today I added a few more.

[00:11:03]Money and its destructive role in relationships and marriage.

[00:11:10]Creating a vision outside of money. This was a topic I raised on Amagents sitting with Tumi Sole and Mpho and my brother Penson Muloji.

[00:11:18]The concept of not needing money to get married or to have children.

[00:11:23]About visiting the past where money did not exist.

[00:11:27]I want to give a shout out to that husband podcast run by Black Newborn.

[00:11:33]I had a chat with him recently.

[00:11:35]Uh hopefully when that footage comes out you guys will be able to see it, but I'm I'm I'm giving him a shout-out because this last point is going to be based on an engagement I had with him. I wasn't on that husband podcast, by the way. I don't believe in marriage.

[00:11:48]But just he inspired me to to think about adding this point today.

[00:11:54]I'm going to go through some of these, like I said, closing off.

[00:11:58]The reason why co-parenting is trash and I I mentioned this and I'm going to re-emphasize it is because that is not the ideal.

[00:12:05]That is not why we're here um to have kids and then to to be exchanging them in parking lots.

[00:12:13]To be struggling to speak to each other.

[00:12:18]Such that we can only communicate through email.

[00:12:20]Or through lawyers.

[00:12:22]Through third parties.

[00:12:24]Through parents.

[00:12:26]Because we failed.

[00:12:28]It's not the ideal.

[00:12:31]And what happens with most co-parenting relationships is there was an oopsie baby.

[00:12:38]We were having a good time and oops, someone forgot to put on a condom.

[00:12:43]Or sister, for whatever reason our contraceptives didn't work. Or she just had amnesia and she forgot that she actually doesn't take contraceptives.

[00:12:52]Guys were horny.

[00:12:55]Netflix and chilling I'm nandi.

[00:12:57]And then like a brush nyan over there I a lick nyan of the lips.

[00:13:03]Have you got condoms? No, I don't. I'm going to pull out.

[00:13:07]Are you sure?

[00:13:08]Yeah, I know I'm As I get a little muscle below that boiling point. As you try to say pull out, baba.

[00:13:17]Ganyewa.

[00:13:19]Boom!

[00:13:20]You're going to be a daddy.

[00:13:23]Of course women have got the advantage of morning afters, of abortion. That's female privilege.

[00:13:30]Which woman don't want to take accountability for an ownership of? It's female privilege.

[00:13:35]We speak about patriarchy and male privilege. That's female privilege. You get to decide, I this child will not breathe.

[00:13:42][ __ ] that and [ __ ] your wishes.

[00:13:46]This thing that you put inside me, I'm going to [ __ ] end it now. It's not a real human, it's a fetus. You have but a fetus has got right now, it doesn't.

[00:13:54]Abortion is Yes, you have that right.

[00:13:57][ __ ] men do not have that privilege.

[00:14:02]You can have the baby and [ __ ] [ __ ] Now he has to maintain.

[00:14:09]So that's the one part and oopsie baby.

[00:14:11]Another one is you guys were actually in a decent relationship. You were dating.

[00:14:14]Yes, you weren't married cuz you guys [ __ ] pretend like you're religious and cultural, but you're not. You're having sex before marriage.

[00:14:21]You guys are having a good relationship and keep eating and shai fat and sit living I'm nandy, [ __ ] sex on tap.

[00:14:28]And she's pregnant.

[00:14:30]You have a kid.

[00:14:32]And you're like, "Look, I want to try and do the right thing." She's like, "Hey, look, I want to try and do the right thing." Maybe you guys speak about marriage, maybe you don't.

[00:14:38]Maybe you're forced to pay damages even though you guys are not really following you see into. Maybe you don't.

[00:14:44]Maybe you repent.

[00:14:46]You probably don't.

[00:14:48]Uh Christian girls going to church and and crying and praying and saying, "Dear heavenly father, please forgive me for I have sinned. Not only have I fallen pregnant, which is meant to be a beautiful thing, but I've been I've been having sex before marriage, which is against your teachings, father Lord."

[00:15:08]You're not doing that.

[00:15:10]You're not repenting. You're not fasting.

[00:15:13]You're not meditating and sitting there saying, "I have defiled my own You're not doing that. If anything, it's You're like, "Well, he better, you know, pay damages." and you know this child You have so much [ __ ] entitlement.

[00:15:26]But guess what? You're a child of the Most High. You You want to be a Proverbs 31 woman.

[00:15:36]Lying.

[00:15:38]Because we we we [ __ ] up this whole thing, but you want to blame apartheid and colonial It's you, dog.

[00:15:47]So, you guys come together, you have a child, and somewhere in there, you know, someone cheats.

[00:15:52]Or you realize, you know, this relationship's run its course. I'm not really feeling him. I'm not really feeling her. I met someone new.

[00:15:59]A baby is a high emotional, high stressful event.

[00:16:05]The woman's hormones change.

[00:16:07]The chemicals in her body changes. She She becomes moody.

[00:16:11]She becomes grouchy. Her body changes.

[00:16:14]The sex becomes different. That's if you're even having sex. You might be like, "Dog, like the baby's here, and it's [ __ ] moving. How do I put a dick inside this thing? What if the baby can feel it?"

[00:16:26]Families come in into play, sometimes for the first time.

[00:16:31]She's meeting your mom, your dad for the first time, and maybe they don't really like her.

[00:16:40]Speaking a language that they don't understand, cuz you're not from the same cultural group.

[00:16:45]You're meeting her parents for the first time, and her mom is a devout Christian.

[00:17:05]And there's tension.

[00:17:07]And in that tension, you realize, "Hey, my man, my woman doesn't protect me the way I thought.

[00:17:12]This family's being a bit hostile.

[00:17:14]They're asking for damages of a 25,000.

[00:17:16]Man, what the [ __ ] We're students.

[00:17:19]And the girl's like, "Yeah, but you must do the right thing. I mean, you know, as a man."

[00:17:24]Indoda mast.

[00:17:26][ __ ] We were not [ __ ] eating noodles together last week though.

[00:17:32]And you realize I I don't think this is the person I I thought she was and I don't like it. And worse when the baby comes.

[00:17:39]Cuz it's like I I need you to help me and and stay up at night. No, but I can't. Oh, he's not there cuz you guys are not really together. So, you have to go home and be with your mom. And your mom's reminding you every day with what's wrong for the mtanami.

[00:17:50]I really thought you were going to finish your degree and get married before you have a child.

[00:17:55]The gent now maybe has to drop out cuz again he's trying to do the right thing.

[00:17:58]He's like, "Faith, I need to get a job.

[00:17:59]I've got a kid now."

[00:18:01]Now he's had to cut his qualification short to get a a lesser than what he wanted job. Not really making much money and the chick's like, "But what the hell am I going to do with like 800 rand, bro?" And you're like, "What?

[00:18:13]Like I'm I'm trying."

[00:18:15]Why don't you like go get a grant? Oh, so my child must live on a grant with those people.

[00:18:20]What?

[00:18:22]Like why can't you get like a better job?

[00:18:24]What Why can't you get a job? The [ __ ] Now you guys are fighting.

[00:18:29]And the baby's here.

[00:18:31]And the baby gets sick.

[00:18:33]And she's complaining about nappies.

[00:18:35]And you're like, "No, I found these ones that are just like these [ __ ] no-name brands. My child's not going to wear that."

[00:18:42]So, this is what I must anticipate in future like if we get married. What do you mean? This is the bare minimum.

[00:18:48]Yo.

[00:18:49]Yo.

[00:18:51]Ah, what the mama born a choice up in the corner.

[00:18:54]And love us plus the trust.

[00:18:58]Why the [ __ ] didn't I put the condom on?

[00:19:00]Why the [ __ ] did I come inside this chick? She's sitting on the other side being like, "I should have taken money off this."

[00:19:06]Yes, he's a half-decent guy, but this is not the life I wanted.

[00:19:10]I wanted better and like my parents are disappointed and this guy's got like a whack-ass job. He doesn't even have a car.

[00:19:16]But he never had a car when you guys were dating. Like the car must He must jerk off cuz he's got a dick and a car just falls from the ground cuz he's got balls.

[00:19:25]That You're a man, make a plan. You're [ __ ] woman, you make a plan.

[00:19:31]And now you guys split and now you must co-parent.

[00:19:37]Co-parenting for gents is like fighting with your best friend as Umjita who [ __ ] your woman.

[00:19:50]But because you guys like have a business, you guys have to still like meet up every week to discuss how the business is going.

[00:19:57]And like put in your heart and soul in this business so that you can both make profit.

[00:20:02]But if he [ __ ] your girl and you guys are not mates anymore, but because you started this business, you must still have like business meetings and you must liaise how's the business doing. But you [ __ ] hate his guts.

[00:20:15]For a chick, it's like your best friend sleeping with your man and falling pregnant.

[00:20:19]And it's like, "Yeah, but you know, she's in my Bible study or we have to study together or she she's mates with my mom, so she comes to the house all the time. But she [ __ ] my man or my man [ __ ] her and she has his baby. And I still need to liaise with this chick and when she comes around to the house, I must go make her like tea and coffee and I must be like, 'Hey, how are you doing?'"

[00:20:44]How do you co-parent with someone who you not vibing with anymore, who maybe you you hate?

[00:20:50]In the in the heat of arguing, he slapped you.

[00:20:54]In the heat of arguing, she she [ __ ] threw up a mug at your face.

[00:21:00]"I [ __ ] hate you. I hope you [ __ ] die. I should have never left my ex to be with you."

[00:21:07]You and your [ __ ] small dick.

[00:21:14]And and you guys must be civil and exchange a baby and love the baby and the baby's sick and daycare fees and she's like, but is this going to be it for the child? And he's like, but why don't you get a job? And And you guys must cope like co-parenting is trash.

[00:21:32]And I said in my last video that I think when couple split not even with a baby but especially with a baby I think they must go to therapy.

[00:21:43]Together and separately so that they can heal emotionally. Well, he cheated on me. You're going to see Swamy, you're going to have to get over that because you guys have to raise a child now. You need to be in the most healthiest state you can be. Well, I will call right.

[00:21:56]And I said in the in in the absence of of healing or therapy maybe one of you needs to lose.

[00:22:04]Normally the guy sadly cuz that's what society is. I thought we were all here about equality. You guys don't believe in equality. It's a [ __ ] lie. It's a scam. I've been scammed.

[00:22:17]One of you needs to lose.

[00:22:19]If you are a girl who believes in his into and you violate it, you know that the girl the child doesn't belong to you.

[00:22:25]The child will belong to your father, Swamy. Or if you want to go and comes as a flower and you want to go home you willingly hand the child over. And then someone's like, why are you handing the child over? You're like, it's his child.

[00:22:36]I'm a girl of his into. My understanding is that I am a vessel, I'm a vehicle and I must an assistant for the man.

[00:22:44]Either my dad or this guy that I'm with.

[00:22:46]And this seed that he planted in me, it's his.

[00:22:49]I can help him where he wants and he will provide for me and pay for me where he can, but it's his child. And since we're not together, I have to hand the child over.

[00:23:01]The child has to have his The child has to have his follow his beliefs and his language cuz I follow his into.

[00:23:07]As a Christian you guys can then negotiate. As Christians this is what we believe the child. Does it belong to the father? Does it belong to my dad? Am I going to look after the child? Whatever.

[00:23:17]But in modernism it's like well we have to co-parent.

[00:23:20]But because you guys are struggling someone has to lose.

[00:23:25]Maybe the kids can go and stay with grandparents maternal or paternal.

[00:23:28]Or the guy can be like look we're not okay. I'll send money.

[00:23:33]You can update me if when you have healed sis wami and you're okay.

[00:23:36]Hopefully I'll get to see the child or maybe you can liaise with my mom or my dad and maybe your parents can and they can drop off the child certain holidays.

[00:23:45]You and I don't have to engage at all.

[00:23:47]Maybe our moms will speak to each other but we cannot do this.

[00:23:56]I want to hear you when it comes to co-parenting I can tell you stories for days.

[00:24:02]I hear you.

[00:24:04]Driving from Joburg to Durban to go and exchange kids.

[00:24:08]I'm going to swap her I'm a Pokemon.

[00:24:11]You know the things I'm a Pokemon and I'm a tease or tennis Google here.

[00:24:15]Oh my [ __ ] I'm going to say again that step parenting is dangerous and I'm going to double down because people have different beliefs and I I have huge respect for that.

[00:24:31]But I'm going to double down based on experience and trauma my own and other people's.

[00:24:36]Guys don't go beyond a certain line when it comes to step parenting.

[00:24:41]And if I may do not be a step parent.

[00:24:46]No I'm not saying don't date someone that has a child. Don't marry someone No.

[00:24:51]Date people with children date them.

[00:24:53]They're great people. Marry them.

[00:24:56]They're amazing people.

[00:24:58]Don't be a father mother. Rather be an uncle and an aunt.

[00:25:04]That's my advice to you.

[00:25:05]Meet a chick, meet a gent. You guys maybe moving in together, you get married. There's a child that they brought in, maybe you brought in a child, whatever.

[00:25:13]Be an uncle and an aunt to that child.

[00:25:15]Do not be a a mother and a father.

[00:25:18]You're going to see flames.

[00:25:20]Especially if their biological parents are still around. Because every time you try to discipline the child, you'll fight with the other parent.

[00:25:27]Every time you want to be hands-on, you'll be reminded. When the child is older, the child is fully in their rights to be like, "I want to go and find my mom. I want to find my dad. You're not really my mom, you're not my dad. I don't want to take your surname."

[00:25:41]You're not allowed to catch feelings.

[00:25:42]But I paid for your school fees and yes, I didn't ask you to cuz you're not my parent.

[00:25:49]You did that cuz you wanted to bang my mom.

[00:25:52]The [ __ ] that got to do with me? I want my dad.

[00:25:55]I want to see my baba wam fetu.

[00:25:57]Mina ngifuna umlozi wozitha ontumbezo onzima on ontanzi.

[00:26:02]Abantu basekhaya ngifuna ukuyotola ubaba wam. It just so happened that my mom decided to keep me, but me now on my dad I love my dad. I love my dad's family.

[00:26:09]You're not my father. You're from like another tribe as well.

[00:26:13]And now you're hurt cuz you're thinking of all the times you went to go and watch their sports and you paid for this and the mom was giving you stress and when the child was sick, you were taking time off work for this child that's not yours.

[00:26:25]Be an uncle and an aunt and have a boundary.

[00:26:28]Buy the child food, support them where you can, love them as much as you can, but have a line. Draw a line and say I will not go beyond this. And if the parent, the other person you're with, is trying to push you beyond the line, be like, "Whoa, can we please have a chat?

[00:26:42]And if we can't have a healthy chat, let's please go for therapy so that I can ventilate what it is I'm trying to explain to you about I've got a boundary. This child is not mine and I do not want you to go beyond.

[00:26:53]And former cheaters, stop expecting your girlfriend or your wife to be a mother to your child. That's not their child.

[00:27:01]They can be an aunt. The child comes to visit you guys because they live with their mom. If there's food, they can dish for the child. If the child is hungry, they can sort of assist, but that is not their responsibility.

[00:27:13]That's not their responsibility.

[00:27:15]And sometimes there's clashes that go down when the stepmom is is going beyond the line. No, I'm not happy with You're not the mother.

[00:27:22]And now she's angry. Oh, so this child No, Sisiwe, I need you to understand.

[00:27:27]This child's got a mother.

[00:27:29]When was Zungu Siza?

[00:27:31]The same way now if you want a child, I'm going to Zungu Siza.

[00:27:34]But I'm here to assist you. You tell me.

[00:27:37]Must I discipline the child? Must I not?

[00:27:39]How far must I'm here to help you, but this is not my child.

[00:27:43]I will not come with my beliefs, well, if this was my child, I would No, it's not your child.

[00:27:50]The difficulty now comes in when you have your own child with this person.

[00:27:54]And now the stepchild is watching you parent differently.

[00:27:59]But you're hitting this child more, you're hitting them less, or this child you're more involved, or you're investing more money. This is my responsibility.

[00:28:07]And you need your partner to understand my child has got two parents.

[00:28:14]Two incomes, hopefully.

[00:28:17]Two.

[00:28:18]Your child that you brought should have two parents.

[00:28:22]It cannot be that your child has got three streams of income, including my money.

[00:28:28]And three decision makers that are clashing.

[00:28:31]But my child only has two. Because I can tell you now the biological parents of this child is not pouring money into my child, though.

[00:28:39]But I must pour money into their child.

[00:28:40]Their child gets his money, your money, and mine. My child only gets my money and yours.

[00:28:47]That's not fair on my child.

[00:28:49]So, can we have something that makes sense without hurting the children?

[00:28:53]Because your stepchild and your biological child, they need to have a beautiful, brilliant relationship and you must protect them. But mentally, you must remember the dynamics.

[00:29:02]And it's hard, boy, and that's why some people are like I say and tell them I mean I didn't like that whole step what what thing. Keep it. Mark me absent, ma'am.

[00:29:11]Not present.

[00:29:16]Again, this goes back to how we like really, really messed up relationships.

[00:29:26]I'm not going to get a chance to go through these other things.

[00:29:30]Okay.

[00:29:31]Let me Let me try and do this quickly and I guess this will be the end of what will probably be the beginning of another video.

[00:29:41]Black Newborn is a an endorser and an ambassador of married couples. He's a devout Christian.

[00:29:49]Him and his wife are aligned in their Christian beliefs. It's beautiful. It works for them. He believes in being selfless.

[00:29:56]I will be self- selfless for my wife uh as our union is is ordained by Jesus and God and I will follow those principles and she will do the same for me. I live to ignite the best that she can be.

[00:30:09]She lives selflessly to ignite the best that I can be. It is poetic, it's beautiful. For those of us that are broken, it sounds [ __ ] delusional, like what?

[00:30:22]But that's his belief.

[00:30:24]Now, in the conversation, one of the things that came out was hard conversations.

[00:30:30]When are you meant to have the conversations about what are your belief systems? Um do you go to church on Sunday? Do you read the Bible? Do you go to mosque?

[00:30:39]Um do you want to take our kids to madrasah?

[00:30:42]Um, do you believe in slaughtering? Um, no, I'm a born-again Christian. We don't do that stuff. No, I'm a Seventh-day Adventist. No, I'm a Jehovah's Witness.

[00:30:49]We don't celebrate birthdays, we don't vote. What? You don't vote? No, but voting is Hey, dude.

[00:30:57]I'm a J Dub.

[00:30:59]JW, Jehovah's Witness, we don't vote. We don't celebrate birthdays. Ah.

[00:31:04]I don't eat pork. Where I come from, ah, ibaba. Bacon.

[00:31:08]Bacon.

[00:31:09]Vienna's cheese griller?

[00:31:12]No, no, no. Ham puts in the pizza?

[00:31:16]No.

[00:31:17]Don't eat pork.

[00:31:18]Huh.

[00:31:19]So, we can't have delicious No.

[00:31:23]Those hard conversations.

[00:31:25]And I responded by saying, "Look, some of us are a bit older, a bit broken, a bit more experienced.

[00:31:32]We have traumas, we have baggage.

[00:31:34]You meet someone, try and have those hard conversations as early as possible.

[00:31:38]It's uncomfortable, and especially if you're dating someone less experienced and not as traumatized, it almost sounds aggressive like, "Hey, dude, chill. Like, shut the [ __ ] coffee date."

[00:31:48]And you're like, "I know, I'm sorry.

[00:31:50]It's just the relationships I've been in and the baggage I've got and the trauma, I realized that it's because we didn't discuss the hard things up front. I just I just want to know if you're planning to get married, what do you think about kids, being a stepmom."

[00:32:03]Dude, it's just a [ __ ] coffee date.

[00:32:06]But those hard conversations need to be held.

[00:32:09]Take a walk, take a hike, if possible, watch a podcast, um, watch a movie.

[00:32:17]Maybe let those things organically come out where you're watching stuff. You say, "Oh my gosh, this guy like couldn't even buy a car and he's rich."

[00:32:24]And you're like, "So, you feel like a woman should just be bought a car cuz the guy got money." He's like, "Duh."

[00:32:29]He's my man.

[00:32:31]Hectic.

[00:32:32]Like, but what about your money?

[00:32:35]No, but I mean, as a man, you must provide, though. Like, oh [ __ ] Oh, you follow his thing, too?

[00:32:40]What's that?

[00:32:42]Oh, Christian. You're Christian, so like patriarchy.

[00:32:45]Yeah, sort of.

[00:32:47]You believe in feminism? Duh, like women are liberated today. Like a man can't tell me I have agency.

[00:32:54]But he must provide for you.

[00:33:00]Oh.

[00:33:01]You want to get married? Yes.

[00:33:03]Lobola?

[00:33:05]Of course you have to, like it's the right But you just said you're a feminist and you believe in gender equality.

[00:33:12]So So we're going to get married and then like decision-making. No, like obviously 50/50. But I'm You see, it's one.

[00:33:21]On the other hand, don't you eat that girl is like, oh, so I mean what about food in the home? Like, how do you feel about like who should cook?

[00:33:28]Like I'm not like those type of guys, but I mean, come on, like women are Women are what?

[00:33:33]Like I cook with my boobs.

[00:33:36]Like cuz I have breasts, like I magically can make like a lasagna.

[00:33:40]Or like my vagina has got like magical recipes. Like What do you mean? Like No, like women Women what? Like women cook.

[00:33:50]Why?

[00:33:51]Don't you guys learn Weren't you taught as well, gents? No, I wasn't. Oh, I also wasn't.

[00:33:58]I was at boarding school.

[00:34:00]My mom passed away when she was young, so I don't know how to cook as well, so What's the plan in terms of the food thing, dude?

[00:34:07][ __ ] So I'm guessing you probably want me to do laundry as well. Because I was like, no, it's just My mom used to Oh, your mom. I'm not your mom.

[00:34:18]Hard conversations.

[00:34:20]Children. Schooling.

[00:34:23]Religious beliefs. Cultural beliefs. Who buys the house? Do we buy a house? Do we rent? What about career? What if we have to move? What if she earns more than you?

[00:34:35]What if you fight?

[00:34:37]What happens if she pisses you off?

[00:34:40]What happens if one of you cheats?

[00:34:42]Now, obviously it's over. Oh.

[00:34:44]Ngiyambela.

[00:34:46]Ngiyambela.

[00:34:48]So, it's over.

[00:34:50]But, we have like a house.

[00:34:52]3 million rand house.

[00:34:54]And she pays most of the bond.

[00:34:56]And you guys have got three kids.

[00:35:00]And you guys uh have got investments.

[00:35:04]She was drunk.

[00:35:05]Made up with an ex.

[00:35:07]Whatever.

[00:35:08]You're just going to leave?

[00:35:10]Be honest.

[00:35:13]Hot shots.

[00:35:15]And what I wanted to say is 40 I'm a father.

[00:35:20]To the rest of you, we need to aggressively integrate this type of education in the schooling system.

[00:35:31]And if it's not going to be in the schooling system, we must do it at home.

[00:35:35]We must do it in parts of society.

[00:35:36]Jewish kids go to school once a week.

[00:35:39]Uh Muslim kids go to madrasah every day.

[00:35:42]They are trained.

[00:35:44]May be short-lived, but some of the cultural groups I'm a Xhosa.

[00:35:49]Someone is saying the comments I'm a Ndebele. Some of them are Sotho as well.

[00:35:53]Uh the the the Sotho people.

[00:35:56]They go to entabeni.

[00:35:59]They go to entabeni.

[00:36:01]And um they get initiated. They have a rite of passage.

[00:36:05]Jewish boys have bar mitzvah.

[00:36:07]Um they learn some stuff.

[00:36:10]It's not enough, but it's something. We need to be more intentional.

[00:36:14]Even if it's summer camps, not summer camps, even if it's holiday camps.

[00:36:18]Two to four times a year.

[00:36:20]For a week, your boys, your girls, they're going to a place where they're being trained on what romantic relationships are, what sex is, when they can expect to have children, how they meant to raise children, what happens in the dating world, what happens with sex before marriage, abortions, miscarriages, money, and end.

[00:36:42]It's fundamentally important that we change the narrative.

[00:36:46]And in the absence of that, we'll use what we can. We'll podcast.

[00:36:50]And your children in primary school and high high school must watch this.

[00:36:54]You have about your swearing.

[00:36:55]It it's if if swearing is so harmful to you that you'd rather not educate your child on their future and the reality of their potential fuck-ups, fine, let your child go into the wilderness.

[00:37:13]But the swearing means nothing than your daughter falling pregnant at 17.

[00:37:17]No plan.

[00:37:19]With your son having to pay damages when he's in second year of varsity with a girl whose family is demonic.

[00:37:25]Because my kids can't watch that. It's okay.

[00:37:30]Protect the kids according to you. Spoil them. Destroy them.

[00:37:34]You want to have to look after your grandkids while your kids' lives are [ __ ] and they depressed and your daughter's taking her life because you're like, "No, they're too young for these conversations." It's okay.

[00:37:46]She's 22 now. She's hanging from the ceiling. She overdosed on pills. I guess she's old enough now. Tell her dead body.

[00:37:53]You know, I should have told you that your heart might get broken. You should have told Ah, it's too late.

[00:37:58]Child's gone.

[00:38:00]Cuz you're like, "Yeah, but Penuel says fuck." Cool.

[00:38:04]Fine.

[00:38:05]Cuz [ __ ] is so much more important than your child being taught fundamental life skills so that we can try and fix society.

[00:38:15]It's okay.

[00:38:16]You are holier-than-thou. You know better.

[00:38:20]Tell her what you must.

[00:38:29]I will not speak about money and its destructive role in relationships and marriage. Very important topic, probably like an episode on its own.

[00:38:37]But I will touch on and I won't touch on I won't speak about creating a vision outside of money.

[00:38:42]The idea that you can become a husband and a wife. You can build a family and have children and raise them strong, powerful without money.

[00:38:52]We have been so colonized in our thinking. We have so we've been come so indoctrinated in Western Western thinking that to us money is oxygen.

[00:39:01]Like without money you can't breathe, you can't move.

[00:39:04]Which means like our great-great-grandparents were aliens.

[00:39:09]They must have been super freaks like living in a world without money. What the [ __ ] How did you guys do it without cell phones, dude? Without the internet?

[00:39:17]Oh my [ __ ] I would have never Okay.

[00:39:22]There's a world outside of money.

[00:39:26]There is a world outside of money.

[00:39:27]There's a world outside buying formula.

[00:39:31]There's a world outside buying disposable nappies.

[00:39:34]There's a world outside paying nannies.

[00:39:36]There's a world outside sending your child to daycare. It exists.

[00:39:40]It exists.

[00:39:42]It's not too far and there are people that are living it.

[00:39:45]But I'll have that conversation on another day.

[00:39:48]Before I don't talk talk about it again, I'll spend the last five or so minutes speaking about children belonging to the moms.

[00:39:57]I had this chat with DJ Tira Euphonik.

[00:40:02]When I met him, he initially disagreed.

[00:40:04]He was like, "Look, I think I sort of get where you're going."

[00:40:09]You can go and watch that episode. I'm going to make more content about this because it's something I'm still wrapping around my head, but I'm just going to say it Women have the privilege and the gatekeeping authority, power to close their thighs. This is outside of sexual assault.

[00:40:31]They decide which man enters them.

[00:40:34]Which man enters them without protection.

[00:40:36]And ejaculates semen, sperm into them to fertilize their egg.

[00:40:42]They get to decide if they're going to have contraceptives.

[00:40:45]A man can also decide on the condoms, of course, but she gets to decide if she's going to get an implant, get the patch, get the loop, the UID, um take the pill, get injected. She decides. Her body, her choice, her agency.

[00:41:01]She can decide even after after an oopsie to take morning afters within 72 hours, I believe.

[00:41:07]She can decide to abort.

[00:41:09]These days like the abortion, I think it used to be 3 months. Now it's like 4, 5.

[00:41:14]Hey, you So, she can abort.

[00:41:22]She doesn't need the father's permission.

[00:41:24]A woman doesn't even There's no legal obligation for a woman to inform a guy that you have impregnated me.

[00:41:31]It is A false paternity has not been criminalized.

[00:41:35]I can't say I want a paternity test.

[00:41:37]Yagudatako.

[00:41:38]Jerry Springer, Penuel Mlotshwa, you are not the father. I'm going to say talking mama, you are getting arrested. It is not a criminal offense for a woman to lie about paternity, get you to pay maintenance for 17 years. You find out later what they say.

[00:41:57]It's not a criminal offense. So, women have got the superpower when it comes to kids.

[00:42:02]And we've got the South African law which has been changed.

[00:42:07]Hey, siyabonga, man.

[00:42:09]The Children's Act has been changed.

[00:42:10]It's been revised.

[00:42:12]Men and women now, mothers and fathers have got equal rights and responsibilities over their child.

[00:42:17]Sadly, and this is [ __ ] weird, married men have automatic rights to their children.

[00:42:25]Automatic rights. Unmarried men have to prove There's like a checklist.

[00:42:30]Do you acknowledge? If you're cultural, did you pay damages? Were you there maybe at the birthing? What Like this you Like you have to jump through these hoops. Women, married, unmarried, women None gives a automatic automatic right to the child.

[00:42:49]When it comes to the responsibilities, it's meant to be 50/50, but we know the courts, the family advocate, society, they put the weight on the men to this day.

[00:42:58]Feminists, women who are feminists, who believe in gender equality in their heads, when they be [ __ ] honest to themselves, still believe that the brother must do the heavy lifting with the child, financially.

[00:43:11]In the same way that men believe that women must do the heavy lifting in terms of the nurturing.

[00:43:17]But women have got the superpower of being to the courts.

[00:43:22]I've spoken to men.

[00:43:23]I've spoken to family advocates. I've spoken to lawyers.

[00:43:27]I've spoken to NPOs like Fathers for Justice with Carel de Silver.

[00:43:31]The law on paper It It's basically like saying if a politician is corrupt, they'll be arrested. That's on paper. But what do we see out there?

[00:43:40]Are they getting arrested? [ __ ] no.

[00:43:43]On paper, twice you're not in South Africa, legally if you don't have your paperwork, you should be deported. What do we see in real life? Not that.

[00:43:53]If you're speeding on the highway and you get caught, you must get a a ticket.

[00:43:58]No.

[00:43:59]Who got for 20 rand or 50 rand? I'm going to I'm going to pay the ones that out.

[00:44:05]Law on paper versus real reality.

[00:44:09]I was at the Pretoria High Court. A male lawyer took me into a room with family advocates and lawyers at the at the children's court as a side of the High Court.

[00:44:17]He's like, "Lobaba, just ask me a question." I was there fighting for one of my kids.

[00:44:21]He's like, "This guy just asked a question.

[00:44:24]What are the chances of a father getting primary residence, it's what we used to call custody, over his child over the mom?"

[00:44:31]They laughed.

[00:44:32]I said, "It's very slim." He's like, "I need you to get These are the people that work here in the court.

[00:44:38]My man, you and I know the law." I laughed. I know the law, but I can tell you now the chances.

[00:44:44]If the mom is on drugs, if she's beaten up the child, if she's been at like you have to catch her stabbing the child for a magistrate to be like, "Oh, hi mama, you're losing the child." Who's the father, not the mom.

[00:44:58]Otherwise, mothers get the child.

[00:45:02]No, but just land the lease into No, but as a Christian man, the courts are like, "You and your lease into and your Jesus can go [ __ ] this.

[00:45:15]We follow the Constitution, we follow the law, what's what, we're looking at mom, unless dad can prove that this is not in the child's best interest, uh [ __ ] that means.

[00:45:24]The child's going to stay with mom, and you dad are going to get every alternative weekend in the month, so four days out of 30 days you're going to get to see your child." With this co-parenting [ __ ] where mama can be like, "Ah, the child is sick. Maybe I'll keep them home this weekend." No, but with your court order, you want to get arrested, to a no, you must get a judge to issue a warrant of arrest. The police are like, "Hey, faith, we're scared of warrant of arrest." And what?

[00:45:49]I've jumped from jurisdiction to jurisdiction, being like different police.

[00:45:54]Yeses.

[00:45:56]Yeses.

[00:45:57]Then you have people on social media tell you, "If you You wanted your child, you'd go to court." Go [ __ ] yourself and die. Humble yourself, Anja, because you don't [ __ ] know what men are going through out there. Men are killing themselves over parental alienation, taking their [ __ ] lives. Go tell that dead [ __ ] uh go to court. After he's gone to court for years. You go tell that [ __ ] dead guy.

[00:46:22]And you go tell that child, "Well, your dad killed himself cuz he went to court, but uh what?" [ __ ] you. [ __ ] you.

[00:46:35]Women have got this power over children, and I think if we as society can acknowledge and embrace it.

[00:46:44]I believe we'll have greater peace.

[00:46:47]I believe what will happen is women will realize, "Hey, this child is mine.

[00:46:54]Children belong to moms.

[00:46:56]Which means this [ __ ] could fall dead.

[00:46:58]He could ghost me.

[00:47:00]He could be a deadbeat.

[00:47:01]He might quit his job and not maintain, and I'm [ __ ] So, I need to be more intentional about which guy I lay with, which guy I let to ejaculate inside me, which pregnancy I I bring to term.

[00:47:13]Me as the woman. Because I've got so much power.

[00:47:17]So much power.

[00:47:18]And then on the guy's side, it's like, "I know children belong to women and their mothers.

[00:47:23]Um so, I'm going to be very intentional about being with the type of woman that I'm like, in the worst of times, she won't let me see my child. She's going to be dragging me into maintenance court, but I will lay with her.

[00:47:37]Understanding that I will be I will have all my rights infringed by this lady, but I'm choosing because I understand that children belong to their moms.

[00:47:49]And then women will also understand, and men will also understand that because I own this child, I get to decide where the child goes to school.

[00:47:59]He can suggest what type of lifestyle you'll have.

[00:48:04]Well, if he's got money, I'll see how far I push him.

[00:48:06]What belief system he'll follow.

[00:48:09]I kind of respect the Jews. The Jews are on that thing of like whatever your mom is, you're that.

[00:48:16]Makes life easier.

[00:48:18]In a world where we have like single moms, deadbeat dads, children are being raised by their mothers. But we're speaking about like equality. [ __ ] out of here.

[00:48:27]The guy becomes one of the key stakeholders in the child's life.

[00:48:35]Because this girl can decide to go and dump the child at an orphanage.

[00:48:38]She can decide to not tell the father she had a child. She can take the child to her parents. She can take the child to the man's parents.

[00:48:46]She can give the child to the father and say And the guy's like, I know the child belongs to you. Don't worry, I'll do my best.

[00:48:54]She gets to decide living with the child that I'm bringing this new [ __ ] who's coming to [ __ ] me sideways to come and be in this child's life.

[00:49:02]Whether he violates the child, loves the child, I get to choose.

[00:49:06]By and large, it's such a polarizing topic.

[00:49:14]I get it.

[00:49:15]You're sitting there thinking I'm talking [ __ ] and I tell It's okay. And you're telling me you're speaking from trauma. That's why you even It's okay.

[00:49:22]I don't mind.

[00:49:24]Speaking from trauma.

[00:49:25]It's okay.

[00:49:27]I'm speaking from my experience It's okay.

[00:49:30]I'm trying to find solutions.

[00:49:32]Unless you guys have better solutions.

[00:49:34]But if you're going to tell me like airy-fairy the stats, which I think are rubbish, are that like about 70% of black kids don't have their father in the household.

[00:49:48]It's 80% of the population.

[00:49:51]Fathers' names are not on the birth certificate.

[00:49:55]It's an 80% might be 80% of South African children are receiving a child grant.

[00:50:02]I think it's 580 rand a month.

[00:50:05]That's if you earn I think under 3,500 some something like that.

[00:50:10]They're receiving a child grant.

[00:50:12]About 70% of our kids go to no fee schools where they don't pay school fees and they even get fed cuz their parents don't have much.

[00:50:19]This is not both mom and dad who don't have much money.

[00:50:22]But the person getting the SASSA card the person taking the child to school, the person changing the child's nappy, the person deciding to drag the child to church the person that's saying, "Let's go and visit your father." The that's the mom.

[00:50:38]The person whose family damages get paid to "Would we damage your daughter?"

[00:50:44]is the mom.

[00:50:46]Great moms phenomenal moms that have got exposure to oh some of the mothers of my kids, man.

[00:50:55]quality like phenomenal woman like Shout out to me for finding them, but shout out to them for being amazing beings. Like even though we've broken up, even though we are co-parenting they really try their best to be like "Yes, I have powers over this kid but I will do what I can to make sure that the father sees this child. You get to see your kid. Your Your child has your surname. You get to name the child along with me.

[00:51:26]And whatever you think is a good idea, I listen to you.

[00:51:29]Do you think this is a good school? I value your opinion.

[00:51:32]Um do you think maybe he should lose weight, gain weight? He should play rugby, football? I value you so much, bro. Like please let me know."

[00:51:40]That's a woman who's intentional about well, I chose to have a child with this guy and I'm intentionally choosing with all the powers that I have to be like, this child will know their father even though we're no longer together.

[00:51:51]But it's her.

[00:51:53]It's her.

[00:51:54]She could like another one decide no, I'm going to move overseas or move 2,000 km away.

[00:52:02]We'll see you when this [ __ ] will see this child. She can decide why should I give the child the surname? [ __ ] that.

[00:52:08]I'm putting my names on the birth certificate.

[00:52:12]She can decide that the child will spend more time with her parents and her family than mine.

[00:52:17][ __ ] me and my family. Her mom, her dad, her siblings, her aunts, her uncles, the next door neighbors, the guys in the neighborhood, the guys at the shops, they know my child my family.

[00:52:34]She has that power.

[00:52:36]And I think for me humbling myself to acknowledge that a child belongs to their mother means if I want to have access to this child if I want to spend time with this child, if I want to have opinions that carry weight I must respect the person who the child belongs to.

[00:52:58]And part of this training had to do with being exposed to dating women who had children that were not mine where I became a stepfather where I had to learn to respect this that this child is not mine.

[00:53:11]I I can't dictate the terms.

[00:53:14]The mom dictates the terms and then I follow through.

[00:53:17]But if she's an amazing woman she gives me so much leeway.

[00:53:23]You can take my child and travel. You can take my child to visit your family.

[00:53:27]Tabonga.

[00:53:28]My family has got more exposure to my stepchild they get to play with my stepchild, they get to travel with my stepchild, they get to buy them clothes, they get to laugh with them, they make videos Father's Day, Mother's Day, Christmas with my step child than my biological child. Why?

[00:53:46]Because I have a healthier relationship with my girlfriend than with the biological mother.

[00:53:56]If there is a stepfather there, he has got so many more privileges to my child than I do.

[00:54:03]Because this child belongs to the mom.

[00:54:06]So, I need to humble myself.

[00:54:09]And if I'd done this years ago, I think some of the relationships I have with the mothers of my kids would be much healthier.

[00:54:15]I have to acknowledge. I have to take accountability.

[00:54:18]Uti Swa Siswami, thank you so much for allowing me to plant in you.

[00:54:23]Um thank you for choosing me to create a life with.

[00:54:27]Please let me know how I can help. You need money? Let me see what I can do.

[00:54:31]This is the best I can do. I don't know if it's to your satisfaction. I'll try.

[00:54:34]Uh time babysitting. You can't babysit your own child. Babysitting. She's like, "Hey, look, I'm busy this weekend. Can I bring the child?"

[00:54:41]Please feel free.

[00:54:42]The child leaves glowing, happy, new clothes.

[00:54:46]Ah, I was with dad and what was like, "Oh my gosh, this guy is so amazing."

[00:54:51]If I had to choose a teacher or a tutor for this child, I would choose their father.

[00:54:56]If I had to choose a a sports coach for this child, I would choose their father.

[00:55:01]If I have to choose a nanny or a babysitter, I would choose their father.

[00:55:04]If I have to choose someone who's going to teach my child about the world, travel with my child, um whatever it is, this guy is so phenomenal. And though it's because of how he treats me.

[00:55:17]He's so respectful. He's on time. He listens to me. He values my opinion. He doesn't come All right, meaning won't do that. Why is my son wearing this?

[00:55:32]You thought this was your party.

[00:55:35]Watch this space.

[00:55:36]My child will not slaughter [ __ ] They will not take your [ __ ] surname.

[00:55:41]They They will go to church. They will get baptized. They will get a fancy white name.

[00:55:48]They will go to these schools. I will expose them to LGBTQI+ because I'm that way leaning. They Me You and your homophobia and your patriarchy, [ __ ] that. My mistake was letting you come inside me.

[00:56:04]But I'm going to show you flames, boy.

[00:56:06]You go take your life so I laugh and be like he was so weak.

[00:56:13]Humble yourself.

[00:56:15]Humbling yourself doesn't mean being taken for a poopa and for a [ __ ] puss.

[00:56:19]It means I acknowledge that you are the mother of my child. I embrace you as the mother of my child and I will respect you. I hope you listen to my suggestions.

[00:56:29]But if you don't If you don't want it, it's okay.

[00:56:31]And if it's disrespectful, you cheated, your money issues, you broke up, she's moved on, whatever.

[00:56:38]If she's not willing If she hasn't healed, it's It's okay.

[00:56:43]It's fine. Like I lost. I messed up. I picked the wrong woman.

[00:56:48]And now I have to carry this cross. It's okay.

[00:56:51]And the day she decides to change and she has to bring the child, you must be healthy enough to be like sis, I'm thank you for letting me see the child.

[00:56:58]Thank you so much. I And thank her. As we cheat.

[00:57:02]And then for smart woman, she'll be so appreciative. Thank you so much for what you do for my child. Oh my god, the child is so happy when they with you.

[00:57:09]It's going to inspire you to want to do more that this person's saying I would rather this child spend time with you than even my own family cuz you're so amazing. And you're like this is why I have a great relationship with my child.

[00:57:23]Going to end it there.

[00:57:25]I and you.

[00:57:26]We and you and you and you and you boo.

[00:57:29]You and you and you boo. Can you hand me all the black pens?

[00:57:32]Cheers.