Dating and friendships after addiction and in recovery ️️

[00:00:01]Hi guys. Um, I hope everyone's doing good.

[00:00:06]And I hope everybody's having a blessed Friday. Um, today I want to talk about dating or friendships after addiction. And yes, I will be looking down cuz I'm doing things different. I want to the things I want to talk about I'm actually going digging deep and writing it down so I can say it how I really want to say it and and I don't get mixed up and go back and forth with it and I usually go back over it and say what I want to say more what I want to say as well. So, Okay, getting sober taught me how to live but dating sober taught me how to love without losing myself.

[00:00:51]Recovery changes what you're willing to accept in a relationship.

[00:00:57]Many people realize they were that were chasing validation instead of genuine love.

[00:01:06]Healthy relationships can feel unfamiliar if chaos was once mistaken for passion and that's a big one.

[00:01:16]I've been in relationships God chaos was big time. It was big time chaos.

[00:01:23]But I thought it was passion and love but it wasn't.

[00:01:27]Learning to set boundaries is one of the one of the greatest challenges and the greatest gifts of recovery.

[00:01:36]And it's one of the biggest things as well, boundaries. I talked on that yesterday and you have to set boundaries in a relationship or yeah, it ain't going to work.

[00:01:49]And it's going to cause more problems than just that relationship.

[00:01:58]It's important to know your triggers and to protect your sobriety above any relationship.

[00:02:05]Being alone can be healthier than being with somebody who threatens your peace.

[00:02:11]And you definitely got to have peace.

[00:02:14]Peace is a big one, too. You don't want to go through life not having peace with yourself. If you don't, then you're just going back down that rabbit hole.

[00:02:24]And you're going to go go right back into that addiction, going right right back down that rabbit hole.

[00:02:31]Real love supports growth, honesty, and accountability instead of enabling destructive behavior.

[00:02:39]Healing means choosing people who bring calm, not confusion.

[00:02:45]I used to think I needed someone to complete me. Recovery taught me that I needed to become whole on my own first.

[00:02:54]The right relationship should add to your peace, not take away.

[00:02:59]Okay. Um Always I said I wrote down, "Okay, it said what what if a flags do you re- refuse to ignore now?" And I put on The flags I refuse to ignore, disrespect.

[00:03:22]I mean, disrespect is a big one.

[00:03:26]If you let man disrespect you or it doesn't got to be a man, or a friendship, disrespects you one time, they're going to keep on doing it over and over and over. And I used to let them disrespect me a lot back in my days. And not now.

[00:03:45]Never again will I be disrespected. If I'm disrespected, you're out the door.

[00:03:51]Or get off my or whatever, and lose it.

[00:03:55]At that matter.

[00:03:57]You know, I had the other day. So, you know, I give up my number. And everybody knows, just in case somebody needs me, or needs to talk, you know, I'm there. I as a friend.

[00:04:11]And I don't know why they took it a different way. And they text me out of blue, and it was like, "Well, do you talk to black men?" I was like, "Yeah."

[00:04:23]And they text me back, and they said, "Okay, I'm not interested now."

[00:04:28]I said, "Excuse me." I said, "Um I really don't know what you're talking about." I said, "Cuz uh I didn't come off on you like that.

[00:04:38]So, why would you think it was going to be anything other than a friendship?

[00:04:41]I've never said anything out of cross the line to you. I've only text you back a couple times.

[00:04:48]You know, and he text back, and he was like, "Well, I don't date women who date black guys."

[00:04:57]And at that time, I got really pissed off. And I said, "You know, I was being nice." I said, "Well, I'm going to tell you now, get off of my phone I said, get off my phone.

[00:05:12]Get off my um unsubscribe to my YouTube.

[00:05:17]And don't ever text my phone with your racist ass ever again.

[00:05:23]Because you didn't have to tell me that.

[00:05:25]Why would you come out your way to tell me you don't date women that like black guys for it? If that wasn't racist, I don't know what was. And I cut it out quick. Unsubscribe to me, and don't come back on my live, or nothing, because I don't deal with racism.

[00:05:43]I don't deal with disrespect.

[00:05:46]And you're definitely not going to disrespect me. I have mixed kids and grandchildren.

[00:05:51]And that was disrespect because I've never come off on that man wrong and you going to tell me that? No.

[00:05:59]I'll lose a subscriber cuz you you you need to unsubscribe and move on.

[00:06:06]And I said that kind of made me upset.

[00:06:12]Okay. Sobriety doesn't just change your habits, it changes your standards. The greatest love story you have starts with respecting yourself enough to walk away from anything that threatens the life you worked so hard to build and that is major.

[00:06:31]The life that we're building sober, why in the world would we let a man that is not for us or let me say is not for us or even like I said, ain't got to be just a man, a friend too, that disrespects us and you know, disrespect speaks to me.

[00:07:01]And all lying, you know, I ain't got time for that and really I didn't I didn't come on YouTube to find a man. Oh, man. I came on YouTube cuz I wanted to help somebody and one day I want to be able to help somebody.

[00:07:18]And sometimes people take it wrong cuz I'm I'm really nice and I smile and I guess I play a lot.

[00:07:25]Sometimes not a lot, but you know, and they take it wrong, I guess, cuz I haven't never ever come off on these people wrong and be like, "Hey, y'all. I'm looking for a man."

[00:07:40]You know, "If you're looking for some money, hit me up. Never have I said anything like that. Never.

[00:07:47]But, I just I just think we need to Boundaries is I talked to her that yesterday and again, I think it's big for relationships and friendships that you set boundaries and you You don't have to let anybody treat you any kind of way because back back in my addiction, I let you know, I'm not on any names, but I've let people treat me any kind of way and I've sit right there and I've dealt with it and dealt with it and dealt with it.

[00:08:23]But, today, I don't have to.

[00:08:27]If I talk to somebody just even as a friendship on the phone and you disrespect me or call me out of my name or anything like that, I'm not ever talking to you again.

[00:08:43]There's no more friendship either because I don't have to deal with it today.

[00:08:50]I don't have to deal with the BS that I dealt with years ago or when I was on the streets.

[00:08:57]I've been home 7 months and I was on streets for 5, so calculate it. I don't have to deal with that no more.

[00:09:06]And you know, we we deserve I deserve better. I'm going to use I statements. I deserve better.

[00:09:14]And I deserve a good life one day. And yes, I do want a relationship one day that that can't I want a forever though. I'm tired of Well, it just didn't work. It didn't work, you know.

[00:09:31]I do want one.

[00:09:33]But, I want to I want it to be the right one.

[00:09:37]I want the connection, everything you want cuz it don't work if you ain't feeling it you ain't feeling it. And I've been a bunch of relationships. I just wasn't feeling it and I tried to tried to feel it, tried to make it work. And it just didn't and I'm not going through that anymore.

[00:09:57]I'm fine today being alone. Lone get, you know, you get lonely.

[00:10:02]Life gets lonely, but today I'm I'm fine with being alone.

[00:10:08]I don't I can't wait for my appointment to come open now so I can move. And I'm going to be alone there.

[00:10:16]Cuz Nanny's here. I'll be real lonely and I'll probably get really lonely.

[00:10:22]But, you know, the kids come over when they ain't got school and they'll keep me all the company I need.

[00:10:29]And that they are unconditional love.

[00:10:33]So, you know, like my husband, if you ask me to choose you over my grandkids, are you out of your living effing mind?

[00:10:43]You got to be.

[00:10:45]Because they are unconditional love.

[00:10:47]When your wife walks away or don't like what I say and turn your back, they still there.

[00:10:57]Cuz they don't care what you done or how you done it.

[00:11:02]They love you.

[00:11:03]They love us. They love me.

[00:11:06]And So, that's all I need.

[00:11:13]I don't need anything else. I'm being I'm very blessed.

[00:11:19]But, it's really hot today.

[00:11:24]It was really hot yesterday when I come back from taking Jasmine places. I thought I was I was I looked a mess. My whole face was red and my hair was just like everywhere cuz I was sweating. It was hot. I couldn't stand it. Today it's hot, too.

[00:11:41]I'm not moving. I'm not going out this house. I left earlier this morning with town a few things I need and I'm not going anywhere else.

[00:11:50]So, y'all stay cool cuz it's getting very hot outside. And if you need me, call me. And I plan on going live tonight about 8:00.

[00:12:01]And I love each and every one of y'all.

[00:12:04]I can't wait to talk to y'all tonight.

[00:12:06]And y'all have a blessed day.

[00:12:09]And thank you. Put any Like I said before, if you got any topics for me to talk about, please leave it in the comments.

[00:12:17]I love y'all. God bless.