How to Talk to Anyone (Even If You Run Out of Things To Say)

[00:00:00]Today you'll learn a roadmap for talking to anyone without running out of things to say. The first step is starting a conversation and the simplest way to start a conversation is to comment on the environment. That means you talk about what you see around you. Watch Shahid Kapoor do that here as he observes their clothes and comments on it.

[00:00:15]>> Clothes are so well matched without having any idea that this is going to happen.

[00:00:19]>> Except the cleavage.

[00:00:19]>> Delhi connection.

[00:00:20]>> Except the cleavage. I could tell.

[00:00:22]>> [laughter] >> But what you will quickly find is that starting a conversation is not the hard part. What you say next is typically more important and we'll cover that later in the video. But early in a conversation, make sure you greet people with some appropriate form of touch.

[00:00:36]>> But I I noticed how you said you actors, you podcasters. I think >> You can do that. I'll be okay with that.

[00:00:43]>> If you're ever in a group of five people or less, take three to five seconds to shake hands with everyone in the group before you sit down. If you do that, it will calm you down and it will make it naturally easier for you to do the next thing, which is banter. Doing banter right shows incredible confidence because most people are worried about going out on a limb and cracking a joke early in a conversation. There are two ways you can do this. The first is to tease a strength. Watch Shahid Kapoor do that here.

[00:01:07]>> Uh you know, she's the queen when she enters the building, you know. It's like Kriti ma'am aagayi. Kriti ma'am >> [laughter] >> Not at all.

[00:01:13]>> Most people do friendly teasing wrong because they are teasing an insecurity or they tease people in a way that puts them down. Your personal charisma comes from positive emotions that you create in other people and teasing a strength is one of the best ways to boost your charisma. The second way for banter is exaggeration by agreement. Take what the other person said, agree with it and exaggerate it slightly for comedic effect.

[00:01:36]>> This is not how I do podcasts. There's no sense of interview here.

[00:01:38]>> it I have no answers, you have no questions. It's going to be fantastic.

[00:01:42]>> Now these habits can be tough to remember, which is why I made a short free PDF guide that you can download from the link in the description. Once you've moved past small talk, the best way to keep a conversation engaging is to bring up your taste. Talk about what you are naturally interested in. Watch Shahid Kapoor do that here as he's talking about stardom and notice how expressive he is.

[00:02:01]>> on like people should just want to understand what's going on there, you know? Cuz that's what I got fascinated with when I was a kid. I was just like, "What's going on with this guy? Like what's he doing, man? I don't have any idea what he's doing. It's so cool."

[00:02:13]>> Now you might be thinking, "What if the other person doesn't have the same interests as you?" This brings us to the emotional layer of conversation. Bring up how you feel in response to what the other person said.

[00:02:23]>> My team kept telling me when I hit 20 years and let's talk about it. I was like, "Let's not talk about it." Seems self-indulgent. Don't really also feels makes me feel a bit old. I was like, "I don't feel like I'm some veteran." And you know, if you enter the room, there's that 20 years carrying, you know, walking in with you and stuff like that.

[00:02:39]You just want, you know, chill about it.

[00:02:41]>> Because even if people can't relate to the surface level of what you said, everyone can relate to the emotional layers underneath what you say because we all experience the same emotions.

[00:02:50]>> Like that and it was my introduction, you know? So I was like, "Dude, this is the first time people are going to watch me and if they don't like the first 40 seconds of what I'm doing, the director can't even like cut and go somewhere else cuz it's that's the shot, right?"

[00:03:01]So and the directors had also, you know, Ken had also built it up saying that, "Bro, you know, you need to be an actor and you need to be able to hold this shot for 30 seconds." And also I was really nervous.

[00:03:11]>> Most people can't relate to being an actor, but almost everyone can relate to feeling nervous before an important occasion. The reason to bring up emotions in conversation is because emotions help you build a connection with the other person. One way to build a lasting connection with the other person is to bring up your priorities.

[00:03:27]>> Choose one priority would be, I honestly it would be It is me It would be who I become at the end of my time. It's an opportunity to go back to the basics, start learning, and learning is my favorite part of life.

[00:03:40]>> But what if you intellectually know all these habits, but you still lack the confidence to do it? This brings us to a huge misconception about confidence.

[00:03:48]Most people define confidence as feeling certain. Unfortunately, this mindset is wrong and it will hold you back. Because when you step outside your comfort zone, feeling certain is impossible because you can never guarantee a perfect outcome. So, if you take away only one thing from this video, it is that actions that create confidence come before the feeling of confidence. And if you want to build confidence, there are only three simple steps: acquire, apply, and assess. First, look at the necessary skills you need to learn in an area of your life. Apply and test those skills out in the world. View what happened and then change your behavior for the next time. These three steps will be incredibly helpful for you because developing confidence comes from positive reference experiences like this.

[00:04:29]>> I didn't even know if I'm going to be an actor at that time, but I had kind of opened up to expressing myself creatively and it started with me being a dancer, you know, and I was actually a shy kid. So, I actually gained confidence in that area of being able to perform, like do anything in front of anybody.

[00:04:46]>> But if you try to build up your confidence like that, you will very quickly find that in a high-pressure situation like an interview, meeting, or a presentation, you will have one of these three thoughts: negative predictions, which make you think that the worst thing will happen; negative self-judgments, which remind you of all the reasons why you're not good enough; and unfair comparisons with other people. But when you take a step back, you will realize that these are actually just thoughts and that brings us to the real problem that so many of us have: thinking without knowing that we are thinking. What happens as a result of that is what so many ancient traditions have called psychological suffering.

[00:05:19]>> No thought that we have is real. We treat every thought in our brain as a reality or a potential reality. It's not. Only what's happening is real.

[00:05:27]>> When you realize that these kinds of thoughts are killing your confidence, you can actually step back and detach from them. And once you do that, you will become present and presence will help you unlock the deepest layer of confidence, which is being yourself.

[00:05:40]>> It takes many years to finally be yourself and allow yourself to be yourself and once you're comfortable with who you are or where you are, it doesn't really matter what's happening around you, right?

[00:05:50]>> I hope you like this video. The speaking guide I mentioned is linked in the description. Make sure you check it out, and I will see you in the next video.