The Shocking Truth About Not Speaking Up

[00:00:00]I haven't spoken a word out loud in 8 years. I'm 16 now, and the last time anyone at school heard my voice I was in third grade. Not because I can't talk, but because I choose not to. When I was 8 I had the biggest mouth in my class. I was that kid who always had something to say about everything. My teachers would move my seat away from my friends because I couldn't stop talking. My parents constantly told me I needed to learn when to be quiet. Then one day at recess, I got into it [music] with this boy named Brandon. He was messing with my friend's backpack, and I started running my mouth at him, calling him names, saying stuff I shouldn't have said. He shoved me. I shoved back, and before we knew it we were both on the ground fighting. We both got suspended for 3 days. My parents were furious. My mom kept saying I needed to learn to control my words before they got me in real trouble. That suspension felt like the end of the world to 8-year-old me.

[00:00:41]But what happened next was so much worse. On the last day of my suspension, my mom and I were leaving the school after picking up my homework. That's when I saw Brandon in the parking lot with his dad. His dad was screaming at him, and then I watched him hit Brandon so hard that Brandon fell down. I froze.

[00:00:55]My mom grabbed my arm and pulled me to our car. She called someone. I think it was the school, but I just sat there in shock. A week later, I found out Brandon had been sent to live with his grandmother in another state. Everyone said it was because of the fight we had because the school started asking questions after we both got suspended. I convinced myself it was my fault. If I hadn't run my mouth, we wouldn't have fought. [music] If we hadn't fought, we wouldn't have gotten suspended. If we hadn't gotten suspended, no one would have been watching Brandon that day, and maybe his dad would have kept hitting him where no one could see. So, I just stopped talking completely. I figured if my words could cause that much damage, then I shouldn't use them at all. My parents took me to therapist after therapist. They all said I was capable of speaking, that there was nothing physically wrong with me, but I wouldn't say a single word. Now I'm in high school and communicate by writing notes or using sign language. My teachers have accommodations for me. My friends have never heard my voice. I have this secret TikTok account where I post videos of me singing, but I never show my face.

[00:01:46]Singing feels different somehow, like the words aren't really mine. The crazy part is nobody knows the real reason I stopped talking. Everyone thinks it's some psychological thing I can't control, but it's It's a choice I make every single day. My parents have given up trying to get me to speak. They just work around it now.