Am I selfish?

[00:00:00]Am I selfish? It's not a bad question.

[00:00:03]It can be a helpful check-in that reminds us to think about the needs of others before we go ahead meeting our own needs.

[00:00:09]But sometimes this question, am I selfish, starts to take up a lot of space and sometimes too much space.

[00:00:16]It can have the opposite effect of what we intend if the intent is to be generous. If you keep saying yes to others airing on the side of generosity rather than selfishness, eventually your own needs, if they're always having to wait, will reach a point of exasperation. And at that point, when your needs have been starved, all you'll be thinking about are your own needs, and that's going to feel very selfish. And so you'll definitely won't say yes to yourself in that moment. And if your needs keep waiting, it will put you in an endless loop of feeling guilt, self-denial, feeling resentment and anger when your needs aren't being met, and then feeling more guilt over the resentment and the anger.

[00:00:55]Do you tend to, just to be safe, say yes to others, their needs, their priorities, their interests, and say no to yourself?

[00:01:03]Do you ever get around to you, or is this question blocking you? Am I selfish?

[00:01:08]Well, consider this. The question itself, am I selfish, is others-oriented. It's not a selfish question, so you're off to a safe start.

[00:01:16]But in order to keep this question from becoming selfish, that point when you've starved yourself of what you need, and now that's all you can think about, you're going to have to risk giving yourself a little more. And if you're used to ignoring your needs and always putting others first, that's going to feel selfish. Let's talk about it.