Live In St. Louis | Lewis Black's Rantcast

[00:00:02]This could all go horribly wrong at any minute. Hello there. And I'd like to just take a moment to thank all the folks who came out to the River City Casino in um St. Louis, Missouri. And it was a lot of fun and you were just terrific and it was a pleasure to perform there. And uh I think I'm beginning to find an act. So it was a it really helped to work there and a lot of it is due to the audience which was uh extremely extremely helpful in in terms of pointing out to me what what works and what didn't work and they didn't really show me much of what didn't work which made it really fun and of course people will write in and say well you know I saw it there's a lot of stuff that didn't work well okay and I look forward to whatever it is that you wrote Then I can uh worry about that for a while and basically realize I I I didn't have a good time that those people who were laughing and stood up at the end were crazy and you were the smart one.

[00:01:11]It was really great. The casino was wonderful and I'd like to have won a little video poker, but that's not going to happen. But what I what I would like to do is to start by uh reading what I consider to be a terrific piece of writing.

[00:01:27]Uh it was sent in on July 17th. It's the uh the night that I performed actually.

[00:01:33]Yep. And here we go. And this is from John Angllham. Today I watched the Canadian wildfire smoke descending on Washington DC from the Lincoln Memorial.

[00:01:46]Visibility is under a mile. The US capital, usually easy to spot in the distance, is a smudge of gray. Where there's smoke, there's fire. And the world is on fire. There's the sting in my eyes from the particullet. I can taste them on my tongue. The air is heavy. My chest tightens a bit. We're advised to wear the serious respirator masks in 90° heat. Nobody is. It's a prescription for suffering, even if it might prevent lung cancer 20 years from now. And why suffer now? My son called a photo I took of the scene dystopian. It was the drain failed project at the reflecting pool fenced in to ward off the curious. Surveillance cameras and lighting were positioned every hundred feet or so, never blinking, ready to capture someone sabotaging an empty pool. The sun, soft and colorless, has just enough intensity to make me sweat through my shirt. We are living in low contrast black and white. A few members of the National Guard find some shade and occasionally shuffle through the memorials, fighting a nonexistent crime wave.

[00:03:10]Smoke of a different kind.

[00:03:13]The flow tourists behind me at the Lincoln Memorial never stops.

[00:03:20]They came for the idea, hopeful, striving, determined. They snap selfies, one in the direction of Lincoln, the next toward the Washington obelisk, buzzy in the haze. There are a few Argentine football fans, fresh from their victory over England in the World Cup semifinals.

[00:03:42]They snap their selfies, too. How much is the big idea here slipping into history and out of practice? The Vietnam Memorial 100 yards away seems like a reminder of a big mistake. Bloody, wasteful, misguided, and never to be repeated. But here we are in the midst of another war that someone thought was a good idea and easy. The smoke thickens throughout the afternoon, blotting out even more of Washington. The president made a speech last night that made its own kind of smoke, making it tougher to imagine a free and fair election in November.

[00:04:27]However you slice it, some of the tourists are disappointed with the smoke.

[00:04:34]It's messing with their selfies.

[00:04:41]Thank you, John.

[00:04:44]thought that was a nice piece of writing, especially after the that that past week. Uh, and as the smoke rolled in, I think you gave us a bit of a perspective there. I'm sure there are those who will disagree. Here we go.

[00:05:00]We'll read a few of these. This is uh from Denine Lenasa.

[00:05:06]My husband wants to always wear your shirt with the middle finger.

[00:05:11]I have a shirt that we sell online where it's a picture of me and I'm going like that.

[00:05:17]She said, "I'm always I I'm always hesitant, but tonight I allowed it because we're seeing you live and he is so happy and I am sitting next to him proud.

[00:05:32]Thank you.

[00:05:40]This is from Sunshine.

[00:05:42]If that's your real name, that's really Sun is your first name. Shine is your last name. That's That's really [ __ ] up.

[00:05:56]That's a That's That's it. Parents who took a lot of acid.

[00:06:05]She said, "Customers come into the bank and expect to be helped immediately.

[00:06:09]Ignore the sign that says, 'W wait here and always have a stupid joke. I'd like my cash green."

[00:06:17]Wow.

[00:06:19]I I would lose my [ __ ] mind.

[00:06:24]It always amazes me that people can work with the public. I just My hat is off to you. It's a service really that uh [ __ ] a what you have to go through.

[00:06:39]This is from Patrick Mills.

[00:06:42]Kathleen Madigan who is who's from St. Louis.

[00:06:49]Patrick wants to know is Kathleen Madigan a better golfer than I am? And uh yeah, I mean really I'm not it's she's really good. And if she gave a [ __ ] about putting [ __ ] she doesn't even give a [ __ ] She does not. She's pretty good at it as a putter. It's like she's one of those people who can two putt. If she gave a [ __ ] it's terrifying.

[00:07:16]It's a good thing she doesn't. So it allows me to get within 30 strokes.

[00:07:24]Robbie Hamilton, what's wrong with being required to have an ID to vote? You have to show an ID at the casino to get your weekly gift or your free play.

[00:07:34]I don't know, Robbie, if uh those are equivalent.

[00:07:44]Um, you know, I understand why people think uh there should be an ID to vote. It has never been a problem in New York City and we have a gazillion people. Okay.

[00:07:56]And I go in and I say, "I'm Lewis Black and I say, "I live here." And they look at a list and my name's on it.

[00:08:08]And then they hand me a thing and I go and vote. Now, what would [ __ ] it up if somebody else came in and said, "I'm Lewis Black because it's been checked off. And that's how it works.

[00:08:22]Okay?

[00:08:27]It really doesn't matter if you truly think that there's voter fraud in this country.

[00:08:33]Uh it would take the fact that we would have people who actually wanted to vote.

[00:08:39]I don't know if you've noticed, Robbie, nobody [ __ ] wants to. Nobody does.

[00:08:45]And the reason we don't is because we go into that booth. look at the names and go, "Fuck, where's the lever that says kill me now?

[00:09:03]I get livid when when it's it's discussed in this way. I get livid about the fact that somehow people are going to cheat there." We there may be some there may be but every [ __ ] time that they have researched it with a bunch of people who I WOULDN'T EVEN WANT THAT [ __ ] job who go through all the [ __ ] who go through everything. Okay. And they WHAT DO THEY SAY? THERE'S NOBODY.

[00:09:32]MAYBE THEY'RE FIVE, MAYBE THERE'S 10 having no effect on an election. And that's what we worry about. We got bigger [ __ ] to worry about. Then people try to steal [ __ ] Very, very few people go, "Ooh, I'm going to steal a boat."

[00:10:02]But thank you, Robbie. No, I do. I appreciate it, but I don't quite understand. I don't I don't I don't Rebecca Neimire, why is everyone bitching about Disney putting bars in their parks? How come all the people who go to Disney don't want to drink? Why are all the people who go to Disney so upset about any bar they see when the time I need to drink the most is at a Disney park with or without children?

[00:10:37]I know Kathleen Madigan would agree.

[00:10:41]Yes, she would. Wow. It's really true.

[00:10:44]They had a bar at with [ __ ] that Disneyland and yeah, it wasn't a problem, you know, but you just can't really walk around with one of those.

[00:10:54]We're we're not in New Orleans with a giant thing with a big straw, you know. You just can't do that much drinking outside there. You don't want to be vomiting in front of the kids.

[00:11:10]Uh, this is from Marilyn Laren. Uh, it sucks to get old. What part of aging do you hate the most?

[00:11:18]Really, you think I'm getting older?

[00:11:24]I hate all of it. What I really hate the most is when uh like I just recently took a trip when they talk to a group of of people that one would consider seniors and they talk to us as if we're 10.

[00:11:41]Well, what we're going TO DO NOW? WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO NOW? YOU PIECE OF [ __ ] JUST TELL US WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO. YOU DON'T NEED TO PREFACE EVERY [ __ ] THING. And then you'll put one foot in front of THE OTHER. GOD DAMN IT.

[00:11:59]I didn't have a stroke, you [ __ ] idiots.

[00:12:04]We were going to tour a museum, [ __ ] Son of a [ __ ] It just irritates. When I was a kid, the adults talked down to me. Now I'm a [ __ ] older person and the kids talk down to me. Something is [ __ ] wrong.

[00:12:35]And we we'll end with this Max. This is from Max Minton. Um uh or Minton.

[00:12:44]And and before I finish with this, I just want to thank you all for coming out again. And uh and being a remarkably great audience. I've been very very lucky that uh my audience has seemed to really come out to to just see me [ __ ] go off and to talk and and you [ __ ] know that at least a third of what's coming out of my mouth I just figured out a couple of days ago.

[00:13:22]And you seem to enjoy that which means something's wrong in terms of our relationship.

[00:13:28]But it really means a lot to me that you allow me to write on stage. It has from the entire time that I've begun performing. It's huge. Uh and it's made my life a lot better than it should have been.

[00:13:49]So, and everybody win big tonight. And if not, uh tonight is take a machine home with you night.

[00:14:01]Whatever one has [ __ ] with you, you get to keep it.

[00:14:09]And that's better than a voting machine.

[00:14:13]So for Max, I I think that old people need to take a test every year to be able to go out in public. I work at a bowling alley and these old people in our league constantly ask the most basic questions making you wonder like literally how in the [ __ ] do they survive?

[00:14:32]Am I living in a sim simulation? Am I as crazy as they are or are they that [ __ ] stupid?

[00:14:40]Thank you, Max. Thank you one and all.

[00:14:42]Take care of yourselves.

[00:14:48]chair for Jeff Stiltson.

[00:14:51]>> Thanks to all of you for listening to my rantcast. If you have a rant you want to get off your chest, send it into me at lewisblack.com/live.

[00:15:01]You can think of it as therapy or whatever you want to think of it as.

[00:15:06]Just let it rip. And I want to thank the true stars of our show, the ranters and the splendid rants they gave us. Lewis Black's Rant Cast was created and hosted by me, Louisis Black. Our live rant audio was produced by James Salt. Our theme song by Chris Lane. Executive producer Ben. Executive producers Matt Klein Schmidt and Robert