Men Are Shocked Women Are Letting Them Keep Full Custody

[00:00:00]Bro, do you hear yourself, though? You You not You not going to come get them?

[00:00:03]>> Okay, first of all, where are my kids at?

[00:00:05]>> They They in the house. Why does it matter where they at if you're not going to come come get them?

[00:00:09]>> In that case, no, I'm not coming to get them. You took me to Cabo. You damn near made me lose my job. You took these kids out of state. You think I'm going to [ __ ] come and GET THEM?

[00:00:17]>> BRO, WHERE WHERE WHERE WAS I GOING TO TAKE I was PROBABLY IN GEORGIA. WHERE WAS I GOING TO TAKE THEM, BRO? Did you lose your job? You ain't lose your job, right?

[00:00:22]>> You wanted the kids. That's what you wanted. You wanted them so bad. Have them. That's what you wanted. Now you got it.

[00:00:27]>> Right. Right. Right. Right. Listen.

[00:00:30]Oh my god. But when when you when you had You had custody, BRO, I WAS STILL THERE HELPING. I WAS STILL HELPING WHEN you had custody.

[00:00:36]Can Can Can Can Can you come I got to I got to work. Can you come get them?

[00:00:40]>> I'm in Cabo. No, I No, I cannot. I'm on my way to Cabo.

[00:00:43]>> Bro, all you all you all all you Listen, all you all you want to do is argue, bro. That's why I did That's why I went TO COURT IN THE FIRST PLACE.

[00:00:49]It's It's It's cool. Bye, man.

[00:00:51]I can't do it, bro. Oh my god. Unfit mom as [ __ ] bro. That's why I took the kids in the first place.

[00:00:59]>> So, if she's unfit and you have custody, why are you calling her? That's a good question. You fought for custody. You got custody and you're calling her. What exactly do you want her to come do for you? Oh, I guess you want her to come babysit you and the baby or maybe the baby that you fought over having the custody. He was 1,000% trying to get out of paying child support and now he's regretting it. Yeah, that control over her you thought you were going to have didn't work out the way you planned.

[00:01:27]Have them. She's in Cabo living her best life. It's very obvious from those video that the man is mad. Imagine being stuck in the house with a child and the mother of your child or maybe your children is in another country having a good time.

[00:01:41]That alone is enough to make a bad man run mad and I guess that's exactly what we are experiencing what we just saw in that video. He cannot handle that. He is not supposed to be the default parent because we men are the fighting men with men in periods. You have custody, take care of your kids. She has visitation, probably pays child support. Now, get seated. It never crosses their mind that there is something called nanny. Oh, I forgot. Men want unpaid labor. They don't want to spend their money. They expect women to serve them free of charge. How come he never thought about getting a nanny? If taking care of his own child is a big problem, pay for it.

[00:02:21]What do you think full custody means? It means taking care of the kids by yourself. If you got to work, set up a daycare. I'm confused. You wanted a kid, took the kids, and now you're asking help with the kids. Now, I wonder if she had the kids and when she called you to help, were you telling her no you can't?

[00:02:40]See, baby mamas match energy. You can't sit there and say she's unfit when you're asking for help now. That's true.

[00:02:48]I've seen cases where baby mamas were calling their baby daddies to come help.

[00:02:52]No show. Even when the baby mamas told their baby daddies that they are struggling to feed, some of them never came to the rescue of their own children, not even the baby mama. Their own children. I've seen videos. There was a video that went viral sometime.

[00:03:07]This woman was sleeping in the car with her children, and she lost one of her child in the process while their father had an apartment. He was busy gallivanting with other women and refused to assist his children that were homeless.

[00:03:22]>> I pulled the move just like Wizard Liz and gave my son to his dad. And honestly, I wish I would have done it sooner.

[00:03:28]The whole time he was violating restraining orders, telling me he wasn't going to stop until he got primary custody, and there he was in court trying to prove that he violated restraining orders. There was a time that I was going to court every single month, mostly because he was filing. And I'm going to tell you, I wasted 3 years in litigation before I stopped and paused and thought, "I'm just going to give him my child. He wants primary custody so bad, I'm going to give it to him. And at this point, I didn't have a lawyer, and I just had to take the time to think to myself, am I going to be okay with this decision? And I know for some people, you think, what about the child? How are you going to explain it to your child that you abandoned your child? Spinning the narrative that a safe parent abandoned their child versus looking at wasting your time and money and energy in family court and giving the other parent what they want, those are the only two choices. Because I previously thought I was having a child with somebody who actually cared about the best interest of a child. And then I realized this person is consistently blocking supportive services, the court's not getting it, the dad doesn't want to agree to anything. Here, you should just have primary decision-making, you can care for our child, you can do everything. And let me tell you, this man lasted 10 days, and that was something that I didn't expect him to do. Him and his attorney, who had been by his side since day one, filed an emergency filing to force me back into 50/50. But to go from he just had to have primary custody and I'm so crazy I need a psyche eval, and I'm an unsafe parent, and unfit, to now he is the one filing to force me to have just as much unsupervised parenting time as he has. Very interesting choice, but he paid for that, not me. Now, I want to make it clear because every time I talk about this, people say, bad advice, stop telling people to do this.

[00:05:22]I'm not telling anybody to do this. I am telling you what I did and what happened in my specific situation.

[00:05:29]>> He didn't want the child, he wanted control. This is another angle to look at it from. Yeah. Some men don't want to lose access to you. They are not interested in the child or in the children. They are more interested in having access to you and controlling your life and your own narrative. I gave my three kids to their father and got them back three weeks later. Obviously, he could not handle them. I spent 50k in 6 months fighting in court and he spent 100k. Guess what? He ended up giving my son to me after all the garbage. I did this with four kids, got them back 20 hours later. He filed for primary custody because he wanted to get out of child support, but forget he actually had to raise a child.

[00:06:15]I don't think he thought it through. The other day, Wiz Khalifa made a video encouraging women to stop leaving relationships and marriages with their kids. She was saying that it's time for women to start giving men full custody.

[00:06:28]What led to her advising women this is because of the current situation she is experiencing with her ex-boyfriend, Landon. I already made a video on that.

[00:06:37]I will add that video at the end of this video so you can have a look.

[00:06:40]>> Recently, I was just in a situation with the father of my child where I had given birth and was in a country where I didn't have all of my rights. I didn't have my family. This guy basically decided to blackmail me with my child.

[00:06:55]If I don't do this, then he's going to take my child. If I don't do this, then I'm going to get deported. And I was constantly thinking, "Okay, let me just try to be nice and she was paying for everything, do everything this guy asked so he will stop blackmailing." But guess what happened? It got worse and worse.

[00:07:10]And guess what happened even now? He went online and he literally said after I had to leave for my visa that I abandoned my child.

[00:07:18]I abandoned my child. No, I abandoned myself staying through all the [ __ ] for my child. I want to say to every single woman, if a man is blackmailing you with your child, give them the child. Let these men be single parents.

[00:07:33]>> Hello, fam. How are you all doing?

[00:07:35]Please take a moment to like this video and subscribe. Thank you. Men are shocked women are letting them keep full custody. Let's talk about it. I will start off this video discussing reasons why men are shocked and towards the end of the video, we will discuss why women are doing that. For decades, mothers were viewed as the default parents. You know what that means? It's more like she owns the child more than the husband does. More like the child belongs to her more than the husband. Women were expected to be the primary caregiver, the emotional center of the household, and the person most responsible for children after separation. Whether the expectation was fair or not, that is not the point of the conversation here. It is a different discussion. What matters is that it became so deeply embedded in society. The women of the society, the men of the society expect the woman to leave the house with the children or with her child. It's more like an abomination should the woman separate from her husband and leaves the child with the husband or the children with the husband. Some people will conclude and say the woman doing so means that she does not care about her children.

[00:08:46]She is a wayward woman. Some people even conclude saying that oh, she did that because she does not want any child to hinder her from going out there to find a man or to sleep around. The woman going with a child is so embedded in our society that so many people stopped seeing it as expectations and started treating it as an unquestionable fact.

[00:09:09]The mother keeps the children. The mother makes the sacrifices. The mother rearranges her life around the needs of the family and she carries the burden.

[00:09:19]These assumptions became so normalized that it shaped how people thought about divorce, parenting, custody long before a separation ever occurred. It's more like a stamp, an unspoken rule, a general consensus that the society has without even considering the woman involved, if she is capable of doing that alone. Child needs both parents.

[00:09:45]That's the truth. Taking care of one child is a lot of work, talk more of having more than one child. Oh, I forgot. The society sees women as the beast of burden, like the garbage can.

[00:09:57]So, it's very easy for everyone to come together to expect the woman to carry the workload. As a result of these societal expectations, many fathers entered divorces assuming that custody would naturally fall on the mother. Even as custody laws increasingly became gender neutral and shared parenting arrangement became more common, the cultural expectation remained remarkably persistent. Many people continued to believe that mothers would always choose to be the primary parent, regardless of the circumstances. People don't want to know whether this mother in question is broke, whether she's sick, whether she's paralyzed. The fact that she's the mother of the child, it is her responsibility to take custody of that child after separation. It obviously shows how the society think of women.

[00:10:49]They don't think we are humans that have emotions. They don't think we are humans that deserve good treatment, better treatment. We are seen as an appliance for service. So, appliances are not expected to have emotions. Oh, do appliances have emotions? This is why reactions can be so emotional when women choose a different path. When she says, "No, I don't want that child. You can keep the child. I need to live for myself." Rather than examining the realities that may have led to that decision, nobody wants to do that. Like I said, women don't have emotions, so why should they care? You can only think about examining reality when you see the person you're dealing with as a human.

[00:11:29]They don't examine the reality, Rather, people often choose to interpret it through the lenses of old expectations.

[00:11:38]They deliberately choose not to ask questions about her current situation.

[00:11:43]She might be under pressure. What influenced her decision? No, they don't want to do that. Immediately they hear she does not want the child, they assume something must be wrong. But recently, a growing conversation has emerged across social media, legal forums, parenting discussions, and comment sections. More and more men are expressing something many people never expected to hear. Like some of the videos and the comment sections we've already seen at the beginning of this video, these men are not shocked because they lost custody of their children. They are not shocked because they were denied access to their children. Instead, they are shocked because some women are willingly allowing them to be the primary parent.

[00:12:29]Stories are appearing from fathers who expected a lengthy custody battle, only to find themselves being offered primary custody. Others expected traditional co-parenting arrangement, but instead found themselves taking the role of primary caregiver almost overnight. Very fast. Women are saying, "I'm not going to be the only one passing through that hell." I'm not saying that having a child is hell, but I tell you, it comes with a lot of work. It can be very draining if you don't have a help. If you don't have a village, like people usually say, you need a village to survive that. If you don't have people assisting you, if you don't even have the money to pay for daycare, child care, nanny, it is worse. Imagine a single mother having more than a child.

[00:13:16]Let's say a single mother with one child, and she needs to go to work. She needs to feed the child. She needs to earn a living. How do you expect her to cope? So, when you see single mothers with their children, that is not ground for you to shame them or call them names. No. They are passing through a lot, still trying to put the house together, feed the family, and also make sure for their children to be like other children. It is not grounds for you to call them names because the work is not easy. It's like removing a married woman that is married, but single, from her marriage. At least, if she is still in that relationship or marriage with that man, at some point, the man will bring some money. Or especially if she's dealing with just a provider man, the man is bringing money, he's bringing finances. But with some single mothers, no one is giving them any financial help. So, don't think you're better off than a single mother. It can happen to anyone tomorrow. Although some people willingly want that, some people see the red billboard, and they still chose to be with that man. Those are exceptions.

[00:14:20]When you're dealing with a man, anything is possible. Your good man today can become bad tomorrow. I'm not wishing anyone evil, but this is the bitter truth. Never say it can never be you.

[00:14:31]So, for many men, seeing women give them full custody completely challenges the script degree of believing. And the reason why stories like this attract more attention is because they collide with long-standing assumption about motherhood. The video I posted two days ago, a woman was talking about motherhood. I had a clip in the video, and she was talking about motherhood.

[00:14:54]She was talking about how she outsourced things. Not because she's a mother means she has to be a slave, she has to bear the whole burden.

[00:15:03]No. She was saying that motherhood is about having your baby, having a child is not about the labor, emotional labor, house labor, doing domestic chores. That is not motherhood. That does not define what motherhood mean. That does not tell whether you're a good mother or not. If you can outsource this, do that. Paying for those services does not make you a bad mother. Neither you doing those services make you a better mother than people that not doing it. That was the point she was passing across. Motherhood is not about domestic chores. It's not about labor. I mean domestic labor, emotional labor. It's about having a child. You can have a child and have people assist you. You can be a mother without partaking in domestic chores.

[00:15:43]For decades, the dominant expectation was that mothers would do everything possible to remain the primary caregiver after separation. So, when people see women doing differently, choosing a different path, they struggle to make sense of it, to understand why women are making some decisions that once seemed unthinkable. We have to look beyond the assumptions and examine the factors that are driving these choices. Economic disparity and financial burden of single motherhood is one reason why women are refusing to take full custody. Women, on average, earn less than men. The US standard pay gap stands at approximately 82 cents per dollar earned by men, per Pew Research. And the gap widens for mothers, the motherhood penalty.

[00:16:33]Additionally, single mothers face disproportionate poverty rates. 27% of single mother household live below poverty line. That is huge. Compared to 12% of single father household. And you guys are online expecting the the mothers to have the children. Did you guys really think it through? Did you do your research? Or are you just going with the bandwagon? Sometimes it's good to do research to understand exactly what's going on, what data and statistics are saying. So, you don't find yourself judging people about what you've not been through before, what you are not experiencing. So, you don't find yourself sitting on your high horse, judging people when you truly don't understand what their pain is or what it feels like to be in their shoes. For many women, especially those without robust support or high-income careers, the financial strain of raising a child alone can be overwhelming. The current economic state of the nation, of the world, is not funny. Childless couple with dual income are struggling to get by. Then imagine a single mother with a child or with children. In such cases, a mother may rationally conclude that the child's material well-being, secure housing, health care, educational resources, is better ensured if the father more often has higher earnings and more stable employment assumes full custody. Such reasoning makes a whole lot of sense to me. I know sometimes people are worried about the environment where their baby daddies are, what their baby daddies are into. Is he a womanizer? Is he into druggy, if you know what I mean? They are worried about that. I get that. But if that is not the case for you, consider giving custody to the father. That does not mean you don't love your children. Men do that all the time. They abandon their children. This is not you abandoning your children. You cannot have your children eating once a day and you think that is love. If you love them, you should be able to put them in an environment where they can thrive better, where they'll be well-fed. Put them in an environment that will prevent them from falling sick. This is for women that are struggling financially. I know some women out there are more than capable when it comes to taking care of your children. And this is one of the reasons I always say, "Make sure you have the number of children you can single-handedly take care of." If you know that you cannot cater for your child, do not have a child because a man wants you to have a child. Do not have a child based on your husband's income.

[00:19:09]What happens if he walks out of the door tomorrow? What happens if he says he doesn't want to do anymore? And he decides to walk out without a children.

[00:19:17]Can you take care of those children?

[00:19:19]Don't be a broke lady, a broke you, and you're out there having a lot of children. By doing so, you're obviously saying you don't care about those children. Remember, those children were not asked to be here. You did not have a conversation with them. Both of you did not get into an agreement. You brought them here without their consent. So, it's your responsibility to take care of them. Let's say you made the first mistake. Don't make the second mistake by choosing to hold onto your children when you know you cannot take care of them and they have a father that can do that. If the father wants full custody, give that to him. But if you know your children will be in harm's way should you give their father full custody, you might want to reconsider your decision, but focus more on how to provide for them. It's a different situation if you're single and suffering. It's more difficult if you're suffering and you have children. It basically means you're going to be in that situation longer than you would have been if you were single without children. Let me paint a picture for you. Consider a woman working part-time or multiple low-wage jobs to support herself. Some women may face child care costs that exceeds her take-home pay. We all know that child care is expensive. Rather than raising a child in financial instability, the best decision is to hand custody over to the father if the father is financially capable. Doing that is not a surrender of love. You're not saying you don't love your children or your child. It's is a practical calculation of a child's long-term economic security. Research from the Institute of Family Studies notes that fathers with full custody tend to have higher median household incomes than single mothers. A factor that can influence voluntary custody transfers. Another reason why women hand over custody is maternal mental health and capacity care. Postpartum depression affects 10 to 20% of new mothers and anxiety, PTSD, or substance use disorders can impair parenting capacity.

[00:21:22]The CDC reports that one in eight women experience postpartum depression symptoms and untreated maternal mental illness can lead to attachment issues, neglect, and even harm to child. Women are passing through a lot. For me, the fact that she carried the child for 9 months, I think she should be doing 10% of the work after giving birth to the child, maybe for the next 5 years, because she needs to get herself back.

[00:21:53]But that is not the case. I've seen stories of women that came back from the hospital. The next day the their husbands are demanding for them to cook for them, make coffee for them, serve them, do their laundry. A lot of men don't see pregnancy to be risky. They think oh it's normal because women are doing it. She did it, why can't you do it? Pregnancy is life-threatening.

[00:22:15]Ignore what the media says about it, how the media is marketing it. Some women don't come back alive. Some women never remain the same. A lot of women are never the same after giving birth. Some leave that situation with complications that they are forced to live with throughout their life. A woman may look physically okay after childbirth, but is she mentally okay? In some cases, a woman may voluntarily leave custody to prevent her child from growing up in an unstable or emotionally unavailable environment. The sad part of this is mental health struggles are often under-diagnosed and stigmatized. And this drives some women into feeling ashamed about their inadequacy as caregivers. This happens because of the societal norms or women are expected to do this or it is a woman's responsibility to do it or the child and the woman's bond. Oh, she gave birth to the child, it is her responsibility. Always ask this question. Let's say a woman lost her life in the labor room. What happens to the child? Do you throw the child away?

[00:23:17]Do you only life the child because the mom is is gone? The answer is no. The fact that that child can survive without the mom says a lot. Legal records shows that in uncontested custody cases mental health disclosures are a common reason for maternal consent to paternal sole custody. Have a look at the family law analysis by American Bar Association.

[00:23:42]>> I had family court today and I gave my child's father everything he was asking for. And I'm going to tell you why.

[00:23:49]My child's father had been on child support for almost a year up until recently when he chose to leave his job.

[00:23:55]Over that year that I or almost year that I was receiving support, I was very appreciative of it. It was a great help and it took a huge weight off my shoulders. However, the whole child support thing was a constant conflict between myself and the other parent and the conflict began to outweigh the actual benefit of receiving money for my child.

[00:24:23]So, when I was served paperwork for a request of motion to lessen the child support, I gave my daughter's father a call.

[00:24:34]He essentially told me that he would be willing to sign over all of his rights to our daughter and give me full custody if I take him off of child support, which is something that we had talked about previously.

[00:24:48]I made the decision to close out the child support case.

[00:24:52]I wanted to give my daughter's father the opportunity to step up as a father outside of the courtroom, and I didn't want a legal obligation being the only reason why he was participating in his daughter's life financially, physically, etc. My daughter is at an age now where she's old enough to express when she wants to see her dad and when she doesn't want to see her dad, and I trust my daughter's voice enough to go by what she's saying and what she's comfortable with.

[00:25:29]Basically, I didn't want to judge enforcing a schedule that doesn't reflect the reality that my daughter has known for her entire life, which is living with me, being with me, mommy, mommy, mommy.

[00:25:43]And I wasn't going to risk that just to get it on a piece of paper.

[00:25:48]At the end of the day, and I know some people are going to disagree with me on this, but at the end of the day, yes, it does take two to tango, but I made the decision to bring my daughter into this world, and I made a promise to myself when I made that decision that I would take care of her with or without the help of a man.

[00:26:08]So, yes, I gave her dad what he wanted or the easy way out because my peace matters, and so does my daughter's, and being in and out of a courtroom for custody or child support is not the life that I want to live. It's not the life that my daughter deserves to live, and I know at the end of the day that [music] me as her mother will always have everything handled for her. I'm very, very happy to close this chapter and move forward um just being the best mom that I can and continuing our reality, which is her and I. Keep your faith.

[00:26:48]Keep your children's best interest at the forefront of your mind cuz at the end of the day they are all that matters.

[00:26:59]>> Please let me know your thoughts on this in the comment section and I will see you all in the next one. Thanks for watching.