THE DANGERS OF TRYING TO FIT IN: Relationship advice, goals & tips

[00:00:02]Let's talk about the dangers of fitting in. The dangers of trying to fit in. You know, in light of a recent events that we just lost this young black man for trying to fit in. I think uh we need to talk about this. Now, to get us started, I did pull a short video. Let's watch this video and then we're going to dive right into this topic. The real dangers of trying to fit in.

[00:00:37]Here we go.

[00:00:40]>> You don't fit in nobody's circle. You don't fit. You try to fit. You don't fit. You want to fit. You try to do stuff like them so you can fit. You don't fit. Where you want to free from and stop trying to fit. Forget it. Just be you. Be the you and enjoy you. You're unique. You're fearfully and wonderfully made. And the minute you find out how powerful and influential you are the way you are, you'll stick your chest out.

[00:01:07]You'll smile more. You'll stand more.

[00:01:10]You'll appreciate yourself more because you are uniquely made in the image of God. I want you to look at somebody and tell them, "I look like this because God made me like this."

[00:01:20]>> Okay, people. You know, this is more programming of making you feel like the way for you to succeed is to fit in, to be like the people in charge. That's what we're talking about. Being more like the people in charge. And many times the people in charge are the people who are suppressing you, manipulating you, and controlling you.

[00:01:48]But we have been told if you try to be more like the people who are above you and fit in to what whatever their agenda is, you'll be accepted. You'll be ex you'll be successful.

[00:02:06]You uh you can attain abundance. Well, you know what?

[00:02:13]Life has showed that that doesn't work.

[00:02:16]It's better if you are more authentic.

[00:02:20]You be who you are. Be yourself instead of trying to be something else, trying to fit in. Now, let's look at this. A lot of us join organizations like fraternities, sororities, or whatever, and we do a lot of things to fit in.

[00:02:44]But we don't realize, is this really helping or hurting? All right. Now, this uh young man that just lost his life, I'm sure he was with those boys to fit in.

[00:03:00]You see, because uh a lot of us have been programmed to believe that if we make friends with uh people who represent authority, people who represent authority, okay?

[00:03:19]Because I don't want to just put it on a particular race because that's what's happening here. But that but it happens all over the world. Okay? So, it's not just happening here. It's just that a lot of black and brown people have been suppressed and made to feel like if you try to be more like us, you can fit in. They tell you if you get more education, that's all you need. You know, the sky is the limit. That's not true.

[00:03:55]There is a limit if you are black or brown, okay? And your fitting in is not going to make a difference if you make it that far because you're also a target and you're also collateral.

[00:04:12]Okay? When I say collateral, you're used in rituals.

[00:04:19]And that's what war is. War is just a blood ritual. That's all it is. And I I talk against women encouraging their young men to go to war.

[00:04:33]Okay? And now, right today, I'm going to talk to the black and brown people.

[00:04:37]Don't encourage your children to join uh the police or the armed forces or any of that because you're just collateral.

[00:04:48]That's it. They they don't really care about you. You know, Michael Jackson put out that that song, they don't really care about us, and before you know it, he was dead. Okay? But I think you need to understand what's really going on.

[00:05:04]And I'm talking about the powers that be, you know, because they are the ones that are making these these big decisions and it just trickles down uh to the ordinary people who are just trying to make it, trying to survive, trying to get through. And we're all being manipulated to their to a higher agenda.

[00:05:33]But uh I remember uh when I was growing up, it was when uh segregation started and the word was that okay [snorts] if we go to their schools and be more like them, then we can have what they have.

[00:05:52]You see, because they tried to make us believe that there was some, you know, uh you're not going to get a good education if you stay in your own communities for that. You got to come to us so that you can benefit from all that we have, all that we have to present to you. And that's not necessarily true because, you know, I went to uh a all white uh school from uh junior high school all the way through college pretty much predominantly white. Okay.

[00:06:32]And you know, my parents sent me there to fit in. I I didn't uh you know I had my eye on um the black schools and I don't know if that was any better or not because you know even black schools got their problems because black people don't know who we are. We don't know where we came from. We don't know who we are. We don't know where our lineage is or anything. It keeps coming down the pipe telling us who we really are. where we originated from our tribe.

[00:07:10]The original the origination of us has been destroyed. Now, I'm sure it's somewhere, but we don't know where it is because we're like willows in the wind.

[00:07:22]Wherever the wind blows, that's where we go. Wherever the wind blows, that's where we go. And we see it all over.

[00:07:31]Even in the workplace, you got to go to work looking like I'm going to say the oppressor trying to fit in. Does that work for you? Trying to fit in. You know, um you're being used, abused, and then tossed out when you're no longer needed. people and uh that's why I talk about being independent, having your own thing. Now, I know a lot of us have tried to do this and have been destroyed trying to get out of this barrel.

[00:08:14]You see, because we've been put in a barrel, you see, but then they tell us, well, you know, if you try to be more like us, then we will accept you and you don't have to live like this.

[00:08:27]You don't have to be in the barrel. You don't have to be treated this way. So, let me take [clears throat] you out of this so you can fit in. All right. Now, uh many of us we've, and this is a touchy subject. I'm going I'm going to say it anyway because I'm a part of it.

[00:08:44][snorts] Many of us have decided to uh to marry into the oppressive race.

[00:08:56]Okay? And I believe that's by design too.

[00:09:00]You see, because all of us are like treated like a bunch of cattle anyway.

[00:09:07]If you are black, brown, or poor, you treat it like like like cattle.

[00:09:16]And you're being told that if you work hard, if you study hard, if you change your appearance and look more like us, we will accept you.

[00:09:34]And you can share in everything that we have.

[00:09:38]That's a lot, people.

[00:09:42]That's a lot. And I'm sure that this young man that lost his life thought that he was in the company of friends [snorts] and he probably would not have gone on that trip if he felt that it was not safe. But uh his friends knew what the agenda was when he went, but they weren't about to tell him because these people stick together.

[00:10:17]Now, black and brown, let's say black people, not not um brown people are not as bad at as this because they are more familyoriented.

[00:10:30]people whose family has not been destroyed through slavery or oppression or whatever when the family unit has not been destroyed, then these people can can rely on their families to get through. But blacks in America, your family has been destroyed from the root.

[00:10:50]The root has been yanked out. So that's why you you just kind of trying to find your place in the world.

[00:11:00]trying to find your safe place in the world. And I don't believe your safe place is going off trying to fit in. I don't believe that that is a safe place for you. I think authenticity is where your safe place is to be who you are, to be who you were meant to be, and stop trying to be something other than that. and stop kissing up to people trying to fit in. Now, you see a lot of this on the job because, you know, you want to keep your job and your boss a lot of times is either of a different race or if he is the same race, he's too busy trying to fit in that he's acting like the other folks and trying to prove to them that he's different from you. He's not trying to to um to embrace you. He's trying to show the oppressor that he can oppress you just as much as the oppressor oppresses you.

[00:12:15]I think that's uh something that that people need to to look at. I believe that I think that black people in America, we going we're going to go with that. I think that black people in America need to embrace each other. I need think that we need to start supporting each other and stop trying to fit in.

[00:12:45]Okay? You know, a lot of things that we've done up to now have been to fit in, but it it hasn't worked. We haven't fit in yet. We're still getting killed.

[00:12:59]We're still getting destroyed from the inside out trying to be more like the folks who are in charge, who we see are in charge. But these people, you know, they have their own agendas. And it doesn't include our betterment.

[00:13:21]It includes manipulation and control.

[00:13:25]And uh I'm telling you it starts in the very beginning.

[00:13:33]It starts when you are born and you get that certificate, that birth certificate saying that they own you and then it just goes on from there. you know, you do everything you can in your whole life trying to fit in.

[00:13:59]I think that's your downfall.

[00:14:02]I think uh cultures who try to be more authentic who they really are and embrace each other.

[00:14:13]And that goes very far with uh economics too.

[00:14:22]Many black and brown people spend their money outside of their communities trying to fit in. You know, you understand? You want to go over there and to buy his stuff so you can look more like him.

[00:14:41]But then you have nothing. You have nothing because you have not supported your own people to do anything because think about this. You don't trust your own people because you have been programmed not to trust your own people. And a lot of that came out of, you know, we're talking about blacks in America. It came out of slavery. It came out of oppression. It came out of control and manipulation that you don't even trust your own people. You want to put your trust in other people, but these other people do not embrace you. They don't love you.

[00:15:19]They don't care about you. You are a subhuman to a lot of other people. Only because of the way that you look. It has nothing to do with your character, your personality, or any of that, your family or anything.

[00:15:35]Even a lot of them who are trying to pretend that they are friendly with you, they still look at you like you are a subhuman.

[00:15:47]You got to realize that. So why are you trying to fit in? You're never going to fit in. They're never going to accept you as an equal people.

[00:15:58]And you're killing yourself thinking that. You know, even when you go I see a lot of uh black men in the police department or any other department where they have some sort of power over people and they will be harsher on their own people than other people. And why? Because they know they can get away with it. And it's a power thing. They want to show their superiors that they fit in. and they wanted the crowd. They just like you. You know, when I put on my uniform, it it I'm just like you. But they don't look at you like that. You're never going to be like them. They're never going to accept you like them.

[00:16:46]No matter what you do, say, or whatever, and they're trying to be, you know, friends with you. Oh, we love you. You like our brother. That's a lot of bull.

[00:16:58]They never going to embrace you like a brother. Because when it comes down to it, they don't look at you like you're human. They don't look at you like you are on their level. They have not been taught that from the beginning that you are on their level. You are a subhuman and you are treated like that everywhere you go. And even, you know, I talked in the beginning about going to school uh with all whites.

[00:17:32]It was the same thing.

[00:17:34]It was the same thing. You were there, but that you didn't get any attention.

[00:17:43]You You were just there. They were tolerating you to be there.

[00:17:49]And uh I don't know if it's changed that much. Especially with so many of us still getting shot, killed, imprisoned for little infractions that the other race does the big things and walk away. Just just just walk away.

[00:18:12]You see, because the way that society views you as a subhuman.

[00:18:19]And when you get that in your mind, it will change the way that you try to be something other than what you are.

[00:18:32]Now, I do believe that you should try to be the best version of yourself. Never stop doing that. But don't try to fit in to these organizations thinking that you're going to be good.

[00:18:50]Now, now I want to talk about something that I've seen a number of times where a young black man and his white friends will go out claiming to have fun. I'm not talking about this case that just happened. I'm talking about cases that have been happening up to now and will continue as long as we continue trying to fit in.

[00:19:15]They'll go out and or something will happen. You know, maybe some damage or somebody gets hurt or whatever. Well, all of the other boys, they are run home to their parents and their parents, you know, many of them are policemen or in law enforcement or they know somebody in law for the uncle, the aunt, somebody who will cover it up or make it all go away for them, but they'll leave the black boy hanging.

[00:19:48]Now he'll have to scramble around and they'll point the finger like he's the one that did it. I've seen this happen so many times and nine times out of 10 he didn't do anything but he was there. So he's going to be the one that's blamed. And all of the friends that were around they all have the same story that he did it.

[00:20:15]Now these are friends. None of those parents come out to help him.

[00:20:20]Help the little help the little black boy. And the little black boy has been to their homes, had probably eaten at their tables, been with their been friends with their their kid all the way, but they still don't look at him like an equal. No matter what he does, no matter what he says, no matter how intelligent that he is or how talented that he is, if there is a a talent there that try to use it to their own benefit, they're not going to use it to promote him. You see people, we need to embrace our own people so that they can feel secure, they can feel important, and they don't feel like they need to fit in or to be accepted. I think those days are past trying to be accepted. That's why we segregated trying to go in and be like them, live right next door to them, uh go to school with them, marry them, had a kid, you know, all of that is trying to fit in. It doesn't work, people.

[00:21:39]It doesn't work. Because even when you have your children, society still going to look at them like they subhuman.

[00:21:50]They don't accept whether your children are mixed or what.

[00:21:56]So don't think that that's going to help you fit in. It's not. As a matter of fact, a lot of mixed kids come out to be more rebellious than just the black kids that are not mixed.

[00:22:15]You see, because they can see it. They they can feel it from both sides. One parent white, one parent black. They can see it. They can feel it. Where uh black children, they just want to fit in. You know, they're taught that from their parents, you know, just be like this.

[00:22:36]Don't don't say this. Don't do that. you know, and then then uh black parents would teach their boys how to react if you're pulled over because nine times out of 10, you are going to be pulled pulled over by the police because you're a target.

[00:22:55]You're a target. You're a collateral.

[00:23:00]You know, if they want to kill somebody, killing you is easy because they can walk away from it.

[00:23:06]You see? So that's why they do it so freely. And what about the blacks on the police force when these things are happening? Where are they with their heads stuck in the sand?

[00:23:20]I don't see them stepping up and say nothing. You know why? Because they are trying to fit in. They don't want to be pointed out that they are against the people who are doing this because the people who are doing this are the people who are in charge. So they want to be part of that.

[00:23:41]They want to be accepted.

[00:23:44]They want to continue to get their paychecks and to live their life. So if it means destroying certain people, whether it's their people or not, they will. And all of this comes down to trying to fit in.

[00:24:04]It doesn't work, people. It does not work.

[00:24:10]Be authentic, but also be logical.

[00:24:15]Be intelligent.

[00:24:18]and be authentic.

[00:24:20]All right, stop this trying to fit in.

[00:24:24]I think that time is over. You see it?

[00:24:26]It it it it doesn't work. It never works. Try to find your own voice, your own power, your own strength, and embrace your community.

[00:24:44]Embrace your community. Don't look at them like, you know, they're so damaged that, you know, nobody can help them.

[00:24:56]You know, they they don't even try to be more like society.

[00:25:04]You know what?

[00:25:06]The folks who are trying to be more like society ends end up on the in a really dark place.

[00:25:17]Fitting in is not the way to go, people.

[00:25:19]That's what That's what this video is about. Stop trying to fit in. All right?

[00:25:29]Do what's best for you.

[00:25:32]Think about it. What's best for you. And quit going out here trying to be friendly with these people. These people don't love you. These people don't care about you. These people don't even look at you like you're like them. They're not taught that when they're growing up.

[00:25:51]These the little kids are taught those people is taught they're taught a difference. Those people are different from you.

[00:26:01]So with them growing up like this, no matter whether they your friend or not, they they treat you like a friend, more like a pet.

[00:26:11]You're not an equal. You're more like a a pet. And when they don't feel like playing with that pet anymore, well then they'll just toss you aside or damage you or hurt you or whatever, you know, and here you will come and bounce right back. A pet, you see now, uh it it was unfortunate what happened with this this young man. It's unfortunate what has happened to a lot of black people.

[00:26:43]And it hasn't stopped. It it continues.

[00:26:47]And and think about it, why is it continuing and how is it continuing?

[00:26:55]And uh the in these organizations where black and brown people work, where are they when these things happen? And even in the the prisons that are full of black and brown people, they got black and brown people working in the prison to uh to torture these people and they do it because they want to fit in. They want the bosses who a lot of times are from a different race. The high bosses, they the haha bosses from a different race.

[00:27:43]And realizing that the business is put together to put your people in jail, to put your people in prison, your people who don't go about their rules, rules that they make. If they don't obey their rules, then they're going to put you in prison.

[00:28:02]Of course, they don't put their own people in there. Unless they're poor, they put their own people in there.

[00:28:09]That's why I say the black and brown and the poor.

[00:28:13]All right? But if they're not that, they don't put their people in there. They, you know, [clears throat] let them go because they can keep up the power struggle, the power grid.

[00:28:27]So they don't want to put their people in there. But you, you're disposable people.

[00:28:34]And when you are disposable, you are never going to be accepted to fit in no matter what.

[00:28:44]Okay? So stop trying.

[00:28:48]Be authentic. Stand up. Find your power.

[00:28:51]Find your voice. and stay away from these these people.

[00:28:58]That's what I say. You know, I don't think the segregation was such a good thing. I really don't I you know, I I didn't really benefit from it from what I see.

[00:29:12]You know, I can't really pinpoint how it helped my life or changed my life in any way. It was just a my whole educational experience was a fog.

[00:29:26]Now I you know if I had gone to a all black school it might have been the same thing because black people are still trying to fit in.

[00:29:38]You understand? And from what I understand from my own research, and you tell me if I'm if I'm wrong about this, but a lot of the HBC schools, which are the black colleges or whatever, are run by whites. They they own it, you see. So again, it's about trying to fit in. Fit fit in here. Fit in there. There's no such thing, people.

[00:30:08]I hope that you understand what I'm trying to say here and where I'm going with this.

[00:30:16]Work on yourself.

[00:30:19]Quit running around trying to be something that you're not.

[00:30:23]These people are never going to look at you as an equal. So, quit trying to be that.

[00:30:32]Use your own voice. Use your own intelligence. Step away.

[00:30:37]be authentic if you know what authentic is.

[00:30:43]You know, like I said, a lot of us are still trying to find our voice, try to find ourselves. And many times when we hear truth, we will reject it because it feels uneasy. It feels risky to be different. It's better to fit in.

[00:31:06]All right. But I'm here to tell you that there are many dangers in trying to fit in. I hope that you understand the message today and I really hope that it helps someone.

[00:31:19]I appreciate all of you. I wish you all the very best and happiness and I really hope to see you next time.