Grief after a new diagnosis of a chronic medical condition. Grief is real!

[00:00:00]Hello everyone. I am Dr. Farhamu Diala.

[00:00:03]I am a boardcertified general and addiction psychiatrist. Uh today I'll be talking about grief related to chronic medical conditions. First of all, what is grief? Grief is commonly associated with the loss of a loved one. However, grief can also arise from the loss of part of yourself, your health, your independence or the sense of normaly you once had. Grief related to medical conditions is common. Yet many people experience this in isolation while navigating the challenges of a new diagnosis. Those around them may not fully understand what they are going through. The grief is real as individuals move through different stages of adjusting to a new life path that's filled with uncertainties.

[00:00:49]Most of us are accustomed to our bodies healing from short-term conditions like cold, stomach uh infections or even major conditions that require surgery or even C-sections. We expect recovery and a return to normal life. Uh chronic illness uh challenges that expectation.

[00:01:10]Our minds are not naturally equipped to accept a condition that does not simply resolve and disappear. For most of our lives, we become ill, receive treatment, recover, and we move on. When faced with a chronic illness that persists, the ongoing sense of threat to one's health can be difficult to process, and it takes time to adjust. Many autoimmune and chronic medical conditions can affect multiple organ systems. So the uncertainty of what's happening in one's body on a daily basis combined with waiting months between medical appointments can intensify that feeling of fear.

[00:01:51]Now we'll be talking about the stages of grief. Denial is often the first stage.

[00:01:56]It can be difficult to comprehend that a chronic illness is happening to you even if you are familiar with that illness through a family member or a friend.

[00:02:06]During this stage, people often seek answers by visiting their doctors and undergoing tests. At the same time, they may be seeking explanations for their symptoms and uh the explanations that would suggest that the symptoms are just minor or temporary. Many find themselves trying to rationalize their symptoms, questioning whether what they're experiencing is even real or significant.

[00:02:32]Second stage is anger. Anger may manifest as resentment towards oneself or one's body or uh the health care system or the world in general. One may wonder why is this happening to me? Uh anger is a common manifestation of grief. It can sometimes be directed towards family and friends especially when their attempts to provide support feel inadequate or misunderstood. Uh although loved ones may be generally trying to help and provide support, it can feel as though no one truly understands the situation or the experience of living with the chronic illness.

[00:03:13]Grief can sometimes progress into depression and even into major depressive episodes. Uh chronic medical conditions and depression often share symptoms like uh sleep difficulties, um low energies, um fatigue, um concentration difficulties, stress and anxiety related to new symptoms can often also worsen uh physical symptoms such as headaches, um stomach pains, stomach discomfort, general pain, creating this cycle in which physical and emotional distress can reinforce force one another. Uh some individuals develop heightened health anxiety during this time becoming extra vigilant about any bodily sensations in their environments.

[00:04:00]Bargaining. During the bargaining stage, people often find themselves replaying events that have already happened and wondering whether things could have been different. They may think, "If only I had gone to the doctor sooner. If only I had managed my stress better. If only I had noticed my symptoms earlier. These thoughts reflect an attempt to regain a sense of control over over a situation which often feels unpredictable.

[00:04:31]Next uh is loss of s not loss of self and confusion. Chronic illness can profoundly affect a person's sense of identity. Changes in physical abilities, energy levels or bodily function may leave individuals feel disconnected from the person they once were. Uh future plans that once seemed straightforward u may suddenly feel very uncertain.

[00:04:54]Questions about future plans uh future goals, career goals, family responsibilities, hobbies, daily functioning can create a sense of confusion and loss. Uh many people describe this as grieving the version of themselves they once knew.

[00:05:12]Re-evaluation of life goals and roles.

[00:05:14]As individuals adopt to life with the chronic condition, they often begin to reassess their goals, expectations, and their priorities uh in their life. They learn to understand their limitations while exploring ways to still remain engaged in meaningful activities. Uh this stage involves finding new ways to participate at work, relationships and daily life uh while accommodating the realities of the illness.

[00:05:45]Acceptance is not about liking the illness or giving up. It's um actually uh about acknowledging the reality of the condition and learning how to move forward despite having it. Acceptance is often considered the final stage of the uh of all the stages of the grief. But yet uh it can still be there uh and uh there might be times that even after accepting the situation you have other initial stages of grief uh during this uh time of recovery. Uh during the stage of acceptance though, individuals begin to develop a new relationship with their bodies. They recognize the long-term nature of their illness and learn ways to live alongside it without allowing it to define every aspect of their lives.

[00:06:42]So acceptance does not mean that uh difficult emotions disappear. People may still experience moments of anger, sadness, fear, questions about their mortality and quality of life. However, these feelings often become less intense and less overwhelming over time. The mind gradually learns that although illness remains present, it does not require constant attention. the perceived thread becomes less dominant, allowing a person to function fully and focus on other aspects of their lives.

[00:07:18]Many individuals discover new strengths, develop new skills, and find meaningful ways to adopt and thrive despite ongoing challenges.

[00:07:30]The reality of grief living with a chronic illness is not easy. Grief grief is rarely a neat and linear process.

[00:07:38]Different stages often overlap. A person may experience uh denial and anger at the same time or they may go back and forth between bargaining, depression, acceptance. So progress is not measured by never feeling grief again. Rather, it is reflected in learning how to carry that grief while continuing to live a meaningful life. Over time, acceptance often settles in not as the absence of pain but as the ability to move forward despite having that pain.

[00:08:12]And I really like this quote from online source. Uh and I would like to share it with you. Uh and it's about the grief.

[00:08:19]Uh at first it came loudly breaking everything it touched. But over time it learned how to sit besides me quietly.

[00:08:29]Now it knows my routine, walks with me through ordinary days, and rests in my chest like it belongs there. Grief does not leave. It just changes its voice until it sounds almost like my own.

[00:08:44]Thank you so much,